Jump to content

Mysticw

Newbie
  • Posts

    18
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female

Recent Profile Visitors

850 profile views

Mysticw's Achievements

Newbie

Newbie (2/9)

20

Reputation

  1. Thank you for the replies and help... I read through my first post again and I've made mistakes because I was typing and crying. Not that it really makes a difference but we have 2 kids, not 3. 17&14 years old. We went couple counseling and individual counseling. The couple counseling didn't work because he would sit there and lie and make everything seem like it was MY fault. Individual counseling didn't work because the counselor already believed his story and I didn't feel a point in going to her anymore if she wasn't equal. We have tried date nights. But it always leads to an argument about me thinking he's lying. Even about stupid stuff. Almost every thing brings me back to that lie. How do I learn to trust again? Am I foolish to even TRY? If he's lied most of this whole relationship, what's going to suddenly make him change? I believe he's a habitual liar. He denies that and says he isn't. He says he isn't lying to me anymore. I really don't know what to do. Should I even try to really work on my mind believing him. Right now every inch of me tells me he will lie again.
  2. Thank you both so much Epictetus... That's exactly how I feel he has damaged my mind beyond repair right now
  3. not sure where to start so I'll get right into it. I'm 37 years old and have been married since I was 21. At first the marriage was great. He treated me like a princess. I know things are usually great in the beginning of the relationships. But I never thought it would get THIS bad. Met constantly fight. We have 3 kids and we never fight in front of them but I'm sure they can tell we are unhappy. We almost got a divorce once and we sat them down to talk about it. We ended up deciding to work on it instead. We've seen a counselor and that didn't help. He cheated on me with a coworker at work. As far as I know (as far as he told me), they only "kissed". They've worked together for years. And I found out about a month before he got fired. I'm still not sure exactly why he got fired. But soon after he left I heard she left. Supposedly he told her he doesn't want anything to do with her and wants to work on his marriage. Since that happened my mind has been insane. It hurts so bad. It really damaged me because I found out about it later. He never told me. He hid it from me for years. Then when I started getting hints something happened he would deny it. And finally after days of me laying in bed so depressed he told me they kissed once. Then after laying there so depressed he told me they "made out a few times". After I found out I slit my wrists. I ended up in the mental hospital. He's the only man I've ever loved. I'm so messed up from what he did I can't even explain it. I sit here and cry writing about it. I know it sounds insane, to do that to myself over a lying man. But I'm so dependent on him. I feel like I can't do anything or go anywhere by myself because I get so much anxiety it's hard to leave the house. I have dreams all the time and last night was a bad one. Then I woke up to a text from him at work saying a female stopped at his desk and they were talking. It wasn't even work related. It brought me right back to the day I slit my wrists. I've been crying all day long. I know I should t feel this way and I know some people won't understand having your husband even talk to another woman. It drives me insane. When we first met... I only trusted him. No one else. I trusted every word he said. Then slowly I would see him lying about stupid stuff. But this was the worse. I guess I'm rambling on... But I needed to get that out. I hope someone can understand me and talk to me about how I feel. Any advice is appreciate much.
  4. Reading my comment now and I put "alcohol". But it changed it to "alcohol". Weird. Just seeing if it does it again. Haha
  5. Nothing much... But I guess it's better than nothing at all... i swept outside for a few minutes (being outside seems to help a tiny bit even for just a few minutes). I cut my three dogs nails. Taking a bath now and will probably get out and pour a glass of alcohol and maybe get some laundry done.
  6. I tried all of that sleeping stuff. It never worked.
  7. Hey there, Mysticw, stopping by to say hi! hope your day is good! ^_^

    1. Mysticw

      Mysticw

      Hey there. Thanks! I hope yours is too. Xoxo

  8. Hey there. I feel exactly like you. Two kids. The only reason why I'm still here is because of them. Alcohol calms me down and seems to be the only thing that takes the pain away, but afterwards when it wears off, it gets even worse for me. It's like reality comes to the surface again. Hugs
  9. Hey. I'm new here too. I just wanted to welcome you and tell you you aren't alone. I'm going through the same exact things. I am in hopes we will find some relief here. Hugs.
  10. I think that's why I get so bad is because I don't feel useful. I'm too depressed to push myself to get up and do anything. It's a vicious cycle for me. The more I sit here by myself, the more I get depressed. But my mind is so exhausted I can't bring myself to do anything else. Thank you for the response. Once I learn how to pm someone I will. Ha
  11. Thank you for the reply. I'm so emotional that I even cry to hear people on here reaching out to help me. It seems like no one else understands the pain so that's why I wanted to post. I have come to terms with my diagnosis. I've been diagnosed years ago. I've taken medicine for sooooo long now I am afraid of the damage its doing to my liver. That's why I was looking for natural approaches. I just don't want my body to get damaged because of all these chemicals. I've tried to come off of them before and it didn't work. I don't know if I waited long enough, but I just couldn't deal with the pain in my mind so I quickly went back on them. Sometimes the pain in my head is just too hard to deal with and I don't know what to do with myself. I do not see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I've tried before. I've seen a psychologist for years in the past, then I moved to another state and just have a regular family dr now. I went to see one last week and she said it would take about 6 months to get in to speak to one. The doctor/nurse practitioner wouldn't even fill my script for my lunesta. I am living in tn now but I went to a dr in Kentucky because I'm right on the border. She said laws in Kentucky won't allow them to prescribe sleeping meds which I think she's full of it, because I went home and looked on the net about the laws in Kentucky and I couldn't find one that said they didn't allow them. I honestly don't think I can wait for 6 months to get help. I have a weeks worth of sleeping pills and I'm freaking out because I get even worse when I can't sleep. Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate it so much. I'm hoping to meet some new friends here that can help me within the 6 months I have to wait.
  12. Hello all... I'm a 37 year old female. I made an account a while ago but was too ashamed to post. I have bipolar depression for about 10 years. It's getting worse day by day. I cry at the drop of a hat. When there's a someone crying on tv, I cry. I am extremely emotional and want to get better. I have tried suicide before and was admitted to a mental hospital. I tried it again a year later by slitting my wrists. The ambulance came and took me to the hospital where I got stitches in both wrists. I lied and somehow the dr believed me when I told him I fell on glass. I never want to go back to the mental hospital again. It was the worst time in my life. I won't attempt again, because I do know how heart broken some of my family will be. I'm on lamotragine, trazadone, and lunesta for sleep. I want to stop taking all of this medicine because I've been on it for years. I'd like to take something natural eventually. I know it isn't good to stop cold turkey, but I'd like some opinions on how to wean myself down. Sometimes I feel like it's doing more harm than good. Thanks for reading.
×
×
  • Create New...