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PeacePilgrim

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About PeacePilgrim

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    Connecticut, USA

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  1. Just a brief note to see if I can reignite this topic; I know it has been helpful to many people. I am flailing about myself right now to see if there's anyway I can get myself back under the water, as my degenerative disease makes things worse and worse. Ironically, I am partly prompted by a disabled character on Homeland right now who is being told left and right to take a shower and no one seems to get that he might have both physical and emotional challenges in so doing. It broke my heart to see him buy Baby wipes (a poor substitute) and alcohol on his one trip to the store. Not only are balance and energy issues getting into the shower, but it is a very isolating place and bad thoughts often surface. Seeing his story has at least motivated me to take another stab, as hopeless as it seems. Peace.
  2. Hi Lim1988 and thanks for your thoughts! It's been a rough time (and still is) so that's why the silence. Also no shower; pretty much stalled over that. Tried to get help from VNA but I think that's falling apart too. I only have Medicare for insurance here in USA and that's a problem in limiting access to a lot of things. Also, I WISH that this board would send me emails when someone updates this thread. It's been at least a year since it has done so, even though I am officially signed up to "follow" this topic. I am glad to see this board so active, but just wish I would be kept in the loop. Not being so brings me down even more. I addressed the technical issue to at least 2 different moderators: one did not respond and one brushed the issue aside by saying the board was quiet and when there was a post here, I would hear about it through automated email (NOT true, obviously because I have missed a couple months of messages that I am signed up to receive). I wish someone would help at least with this. Wishing I had better news, but did want to check in. Thanks to all for keeping this forum and board alive, PeacePilgrim
  3. The good news: I DID get a shower, my first shower since 22 Aug 2014, so two months and three days since last shower--an improvement over the three month three-week time span the last time. The bad news: The shower was reasonably scary; I notice a subtle but definite physical deterioration since the last time I tried. I wish I could find a resource here in the USA to help improve my quality of life: I have been trying, but places I have approached have either been overbooked or not interested. Any thoughts anyone? In any case, here is my shower report: 6:28 PM 10/25/2014 Just out of a difficult shower: don't know exact start time, but i am guessing maybe 6pm? Before shower, I turned up heat 2 degrees frrom 67 to 69, stripped off first layer of outerware, had yogurt and ate portion of energy bar. I also ran the water to heat it up while getting my pre-shower yogurt ready. And before all of the above, I not only posted my intent to the depression forums thread, but also phoned a support line to a woman who was even willing to stay on the phone with me until I was ready to get into the shower. That part did not work however, because I was on a corded landline not a headset phone. But even her offer did help the depression portion of resistance to showering. I did manage to squeeze the shower in just before dark, so I made my daylight goal. It was dark by the time I finished, but by that time I did not really notice. The shower was reasonably scary; as i said above, I notice a subtle but definite physical deterioration since the last time I tried. I was on alert the whole time that I was standing, and was even very careful when I went to sit on the shower stool not to get off balance. I felt insecure and unstable the entire time. Out of necessity, I do not feel that I got a complete shower by any means. I did get my hair washed for sure: that was probably the most thorough thing that I did, half standing and half sitting. For the rest, some was done with soap and scrub brush, some with scrub brush only, and some areas I know that I missed. But wisdom finally said that it was time to get out before I had an accident. I have decided that it would help to add a plastic cup and sheets of paper toweling to my shower to help in the rinse-off process next time.
  4. I don't know if I can make it today, because of massive depression and also because of not feeling secure physically about my body's mobility issues (fear of falling is increasing: twice recently almost fell off a stool). But I would like to cautiously at least try, so first step is coming here to state my intent. PeacePilgrim
  5. I finally had the courage to check my previous posts, to see how long it actually been since my last shower: I knew I had probably broken a record unfortunately. So here is what I found in my previous posts: First of all, it looks like I gave it a good shot about a month ago, but did not make it-- Posted 22 July 2014 - 02:09 AM For once, didn't work, didn't happen. Lots of "life interference", including car to garage, cat to vet. And most painfully, I thought I had hired someone who could put in a shower sprayer but he bailed on me today... Second, I finally found the record of my last shower prior to Friday 8/22-- Posted 14 July 2014 - 02:09 AM "...my last shower was 5/8/2014 at 1:30 AM, so it's actually only a few days over 2 months...." ---------------- So it was 15 weeks and one day (3 months and 3 weeks) between my shower on 5/8 and my shower on 8/22 recorded above. Amazing! The things that helped most on Friday were: doing it in daylight, making my commitment in this forum, not having a lot of other items on the agenda, and my body not hurting and cramping terribly, so I didn't feel in as much danger, although the process was exhausting. Also, I practiced "non-perfectionism" and even though it had been a long time, I made myself be satisfied with "good enough". I have no idea what any of this means for the future, but for now it's done. ~Peace
  6. Okay, so coming here to state commitment worked again. Got a shower 12:20 noon to One pm. Took a long time and lots of layers of dried skin/sweat to scrub away. It was a struggle; I am very tired in every part of my body. But it is done for now. I hope that maybe now I can sleep. I also posted a photo of my shower stall in my photo gallery: I found it hard to open the photo to a full view, so here is a link. The photo was to help someone out who was trying to problem solve some of the physical difficulties for me. Scroll to the bottom at: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/gallery/member/35066-peacepilgrim/
  7. I'm back to check in briefly...I'm the Peace Pilgrim who started this whole thread. I am not even looking to see when I last showered. I am just saying that I will TRY to get a shower today, preferably sooner rather than later. We'll see what happens...And thanks again to all who join here; it gives me hope. Peace
  8. Any details on an insert sprayer appreciated. I was disappointed in that i had gotten a combo showerhead/sprayer and then realized to change from one to the other, and back, I had to reach up overhead to a switch mechanism right by the showerhead--and problem is that the showerhead position is intended for a very tall person and I can't reach it except on tippy-toe, which is way too risky. I had my showerhead position adjusted ages ago for maximum benefit and then have to leave it alone, can't even switch from narrow power stream to gentle diffuse spray and back. I am wondering if the insert piece you are talking about would let you go from overhead shower to sprayer and back with the switch on the sprayer itself? Then i just have to find someone to do it....I thought I had a plumber-wise new assistant this week, but during tryout he became very judgmental and walked out! I wonder if this is really so simple one of my other assistants, mainly college student females, could do this? Thanks for any details, adivce, PeacePilgrim PS I tried to PM you, OnMyOwn, but system said no new messages could be sent to you.
  9. Weelll, I posted above at 2:11 AM EST on 7/14/2014--that I was going to "see if I can commit to getting a shower over the next 2 days." For once, didn't work, didn't happen. Lots of "life interference", including car to garage, cat to vet. And most painfully, I thought I had hired someone who could put in a shower sprayer but he bailed on me today sadly. So I guess i'll have to regroup over the next couple days and see where I go from here. I thought to come here tonight for some commiseration and inspiration, both!
  10. Wow, you are all still here--a couple new people also, welcome! It's giving me quite a lift of spirit just before bed to see everyone "rallied" again. Camellia, if the topic falls off the screen and you can't find it, here's how: Top Right there's a search bar, but don't use that. There is a tiny white wheel to the right of the search bar and if you mouse over, you will see the words "Advanced Search". Click on the small wheel and it brings up a page-long search form with lots of different possible slots to fill in. You want to fill in just TWO: at the top, put in the search word "shower" and below where it says "Find Author", enter my handle of PeacePilgrim, then ignore everything else and hit the search button at the bottom. It should bring up the Shower Motivation Thread in first position and just click on that and you should be all set. Good luck EVERYONE and thanks for the support. I haven't got my shower yet, but maybe tomorrow??? I will try.~Peace
  11. 2:11 AM EST 7/14/2014--I am going to take a stab at this before bedtime, to see if I can commit to getting a shower over the next 2 days. We'll see, posting the commitment has worked in the past. I checked to see and my last shower was 5/8/2014 at 1:30 AM, so it's actually only a few days over 2 months....I actually feared it was much longer than that; maybe 3 or 4 months! Glad that it isn't quite that desperate.Again, I have no idea if this will do any good, but it has before. I did give myself a haircut today in preparation. Not too much else I can do!
  12. To Teafreak re Raw Food Diet I just remembered that you had one more question: about the raw food diet, which I implemented to try to help the degenerative arthritis. I lost 2 of my supports for the raw diet: a personal raw chef and a raw food support group, and I partially fell off it, but not entirely. I still have greenie+fruit smoothies and salads and fruit and vegetable drinks as a significant portion of my diet, and I have stayed gluten-free, at the suggestion of my naturopath. But I have added back in cooked potatoes and squash, and steamed brown rice with steamed veggies and chicken for a portion of my meals. I really would like to study up a bit more on alkaline vs acidic diet: the alkaline diet is supposed to be better for inflammation. I do faithfully take cherry juice for my gout every day. Hope that helps; I can't remember exactly what i wrote previously, and am too tired to search for it now. Thanks for your interest, Peace
  13. Rebelgirl, Definitely NOT YOUR FAULT. I think the worst thing we can do is beat ourselves up about our personal challenges. What I see in you is someone who is charging ahead IN SPITE of the anxiety, which is great, using whatever tools you can find at hand. It's good that at least you "feel so much better" once it is done. One question: you do say that this is the only place you can talk about this. Are you also able to share with a counselor of some kind? In any case, I am wishing you luck in your journey, and thanks for joining the group! Please come back again.~Peace
  14. Delighted to see YOU back here, Teafreak! To answer your questions: There are MANY factors blocking a shower. The physical aspect has become more prominent as my body deteriorates. But when I initially began this thread, there was the "what does it matter" depression factor, the lack of stamina and energy, and the major anxiety of being "locked in" alone with my thoughts (which are mainly negative). I did try music once (from suggestion here) to distract me from my thoughts, but didn't seem to help; sometimes I am very noise sensitive and the music seemed to play into that, especially since the radio was on the back of toilet and I had no way to turn it down if it got too much. I really prefer showers (all those wonderful negative ions pouring down) to stagnating tub baths, but I do drool a little with envy when I see those walk-in tubs with doors and water jets. Money is indeed a factor, but equally so would be the disruption of my private space by workmen and torn-up premises: I don't think I could handle it at this point. I do love my triangular free-standing bamboo shower bench; it's the best thing I've added. Turning up the heat 1/2 hour beforehand also seems to help. Doing anything I can in advance (the haircut, face scrub, feet soak) also helps. Actually, the thing I would most love to add would be a hand-held water sprayer--and to be able to switch back and forth between overhead rain showerhead and a sprayer I could direct anywhere. But even that is problematic. I lost my trusted OCD-friendly contractor over 2 years ago, and my last experience with a local plumber was a bad one: took an enormous amount of time to do very little of what I wanted and overcharged for doing so. It's the one time since moving in, that I literally sat down and cried and wished I had never bought the house! Thanks for your thoughts, and thanks for joining the "party", celebrating what we can do in the face of what sometimes seems enormous odds--and no longer feeling alone in a crowd of people who really don't "get it". HERE people do get it, and can understand and support. Peace
  15. Well I did get a shower. I am not quite sure how I pulled it off. Coming here to post definitely did make a difference. In addition, I turned up the heat slightly, to encourage myself to disrobe into warm air rather than cold air. My last shower was 3/16/2014 at 3 PM, and this shower was 5/8/2014 at 1:30 AM, so about a week shy of two months again between showers. I toyed with using a timer that I did find in a drawer, to limit myself to 5 to 10 minutes. At least it was something to think about. However, I ended up taking a full shower, and I must say it was reasonably satisfying. My gout seems to have receded and I was not too concerned about falling. And I used the shower bench as much as possible, trying to enjoy the water falling on my head. My doctor had advised getting some Huggies Wipes to use between showers, and I actually wished I had a couple in the shower with me to use as wash cloths. Maybe another time.
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