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Cyberpunk last won the day on April 2 2013

Cyberpunk had the most liked content!

About Cyberpunk

  • Birthday 08/21/1985

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    Reading, Writing, Film.

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  1. I was in your position before. When I was 20, I had a mental breakdown at a school I was attending in New York City. That was the onset of my depression. I couldn't handle crying every day and not eating, so I dropped out. I had no idea what to do with my life from that point, so I just took a job in retail and ended up going to a community college studying something I really wasn't quite interested in. My lack of motivation and the depression caused me to fail all of my classes two semesters in a row. Because of that, I lost my financial aid, so there went my college education. I decided that it looked like I'd be working in retail for the rest of my life. I got promoted to an ASM pretty quickly, so that gave me a little confidence, yet I was still beyond depressed and my mother was disappointed in me for dropping out of school, since she worked her whole life to get me there. I started writing a lot during this time. I've always written, but it wasn't something I ever took seriously. I found that it helped a lot with the depression. One night I just had an epiphany and decided that I wanted to become a writer. I began reading voraciously, and continued writing, and settled on going back to community college to major in English. I knew there were abysmal job prospects, but it was better than nothing. There was still the problem with losing my financial aid. I asked the store I was working at if they could give me extra hours, and I was getting over 40 a week. I dedicated every one of my paychecks that summer to paying out of pocket for classes. Thank God community college is so affordable. I was able to pick up a full course load with my paychecks. I knew I had to make an impression, so I worked my ass off and made straight A's. I had never been academically inclined, but after all the reading I did on my own before attending, I realized I could do it. After getting those straight A's, I used my newfound writing skills to send an appeal letter to the board in order to get my financial aid back. They looked at my grades, read my letter, and gave me back my financial aid. The next semester I got straight A's again, then applied to a local university so I could transfer. I was accepted and got into a Literature program. Mind you, I was still suffering from depression, but I used the time to keep myself busy to distract myself. I got involved in a lot of stuff in college: the literary magazine, a volunteer organization, the English Honor Society. I graduated with a 3.6 GPA and was accepted into graduate school for an MFA in writing. From there, I began teaching, and found myself in a position I never imagined. The depression hit me hard last year, so this last semester of grad school has been tough on me, but I'm committed to getting back on track. Sorry for the long post, but I just wanted you to know that if you really want to go college, the drive will hit you and you will succeed. Don't feel discouraged now; it's never too late. I hope this helped.
  2. The way I stay out of bed is to give myself a leisurely hobby. That way, I don't have to leave the house, but I can avoid lying in bed. For instance, I enjoy reading, writing, and watching baseball.
  3. Thank you for your service. You deserve all of the support that you can get.
  4. Thank you everyone! Good news. I received a call today from an anonymous number. Normally, I don't answer my phone, but this morning I answered it without even thinking. It was a recruiter from the company, and she scheduled me for a phone interview this Friday! I am super anxious now. I really hope I get this job.
  5. These past few days have been a roller coaster for me. Extreme elation coupled with serious bouts of anxiety. I haven't worked for a year. Not because I couldn't find a job, but I simply had no motivation to get out of my room to live my life. Well, this past year has taken its toll so I decided to do something to save my life. Last week I decided to work on a resume and a cover letter. I sent it off to a good company and was told that I passed the initial review, but I had to take an assessment before I could progress. It was a math test designed to assess my analytic and problem-solving skills. Eeek! My anxiety got the better of me at that point and I decided to put it off. I was pressured by a friend to take it, so I did, and then a day later I learned that I passed my test, and I can proceed onto a phone interview! If I pass the phone interview, I have an interview in person, and then hopefully, the position. I've been elated. First, because I passed a math test, which was never my strong suit in college. And also because it offers a good starting salary with full benefits and an annual bonus program. Getting the job would really help alleviate my feelings of worthlessness a bit. But of course, I'm extremely anxious about it. I still haven't been scheduled for my interview yet. I check the status of my application constantly and it still says, "A phone interview will be scheduled." Should I send them an email? I'm really worrying they may be deciding against me. Maybe they looked at my test again and realized they made a mistake. Or maybe they looked at my resume and cover letter and decided they didn't like it after all. This anxiety is ******* me. I really hope I get it. It will help me to feel normal again.
  6. Hi Mudig, It sounds like you're going through a pretty difficult depression. I can relate, your routines and detachment sound a lot like what I am going through. If you can afford it, your best bet is to speak with a Physician. They will be able to get you on any medication that you may need and help you find a therapist. As for the laziness and lack of motivation, that's the nature of the beast. It's hard to find any motivation when it feels like your will to live has been sapped. These forums do help, so I encourage you to stick around. Good luck.
  7. This is kind of silly, but I've been reading a lot of articles online about online dating and people making fake profiles to see how hard/easy people have it. Well, I made one for my blog and I wrote about. I posted someone else's picture and I kept getting emailed left and right. After my post, I switched the picture to a few of my own and I haven't gotten one email. Now, I've never had a problem getting dates or relationships. I consider myself to be a fairly decent looking guy. But since I haven't gotten any messages online like the "other guy" I posted, I'm starting to second guess and myself a feel dejected. How does one change who they are?
  8. Hi Gonamath, I'm on 125 mil a day. I don't eat much, maybe once a day, but when I do I gorge on bad food. I sleep all day.
  9. Thanks everyone. Your replies really helped. Yeah,I'm on Effexor right now, but not in therapy. I didn't think it was working. I have a difficult time talking about myself or my feelings.
  10. If you're a student, it will be free. It's part of your tuition costs. That's where I go for therapy. Might as well take advantage of it now while you still can! Check out your school's Wellness Center, they should have a Mental Health department too.
  11. Funny you should say that, jmsx. I'm actually an MFA Graduate Student in Creative Writing. It's something that's always helped me. Part of my recent breakdown is that I am currently unable to write. I've lost my confidence in it. It's what I miss the most and want back, which is the main reason I started getting treatment.
  12. I was your age when all my depression started. Strangely enough, it involved an abortion and miscarriage. If you're really feeling the way you do, your best bet is to speak with your Physician, or even a Counselor at your school (which is free). They will then be able to help you from there, and determine whether or not you may benefit from treatment. And welcome to the forum. :-)
  13. I'm already living in a prison in my mind, but for the past few months, my physical surroundings have sort of become a prison as well. The more I sit by myself in this room, the more trapped I feel. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I might as well be put into solitary confinement for the rest of my life because then at least I'll be forced into taking care of routine tasks such as showering and eating and such, and I wouldn't have to worry about bills or anything. Of course, I would have to commit a crime to do that, which is far too outside of my character. (I worry about even getting a speeding ticket.) I have physical freedom, but in my mind, I have no freedom at all, about as much as any prisoner does, if that makes sense. For instance, I just can't enjoy the things that free people enjoy. I am missing out on life here because I am too anxious to take any risks. Taking a risk to me is basically driving to the store, because so many scenarios could happen. My car could break down, I could get into an accident, I could get pulled over and assaulted by a cop (because that stuff happens on the news all the time). I especially am anxious about driving at night. I panic all the time thinking about it. I am terrified of the dark. I'm not sure what to do, really.
  14. Oh, I live with this daily. I hate conflict. I'm a push-over. I say "Yes" to any request made of me because I hate the conflict in saying no. My therapist told me to stop worrying about how others perceive me and start worrying more about myself. I've been trying it.
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