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Everything posted by John_in_SF

  1. Discontinuance brain zaps not as bad today. Or am I getting used to them? Anyway, less distracting than yesterday. I find that they are exacerbated by caffeine, so I drank less coffee today. I'm lucky because this is my only symptom and I've been through it before. I can see that it would be frightening to someone who was not prepared for it, though. You have these repetitive micro dizzy spells that are sometimes accompanied by a phantom swooshing sound.
  2. Went off duloxetine (with a short taper) recently. Yesterday's mild dizzies have graduated to today's full-blown brain zaps. Ah, the nostalgia of it. Haven't had these since I went off citalopram back in 2011.
  3. Decided to taper off the duloxetine. Now I've got a mild case of the dizzies and feeling a little weird. But I've gone off ADs before and know what to expect. Other than that, looking forward to the afternoon.
  4. My thought is that this man is not available to you in the way that you need and it's not something that you can change, whatever the reason.
  5. Well I feel pretty good right now which is why I am communicating. The afternoon slump is ending and my energy is coming back. I decided to go off duloxetine and am about halfway through my taper. To be frank, I just couldn't take the weird orgasms anymore! Worst sexual side effect I've had from any AD and I've tried quite a few. So far no withdrawal symptoms so I'm doing something right. Or maybe I will get socked at the end! Been through this before so I know what to expect. Happy weekend everybody!
  6. It's great that you recharged. But watch out for sleep bingeing. It's another abnormal rhythm that will keep your sleep cycle off kilter. I'm a firm believer in going to bed and getting up at the same time each day, except not going to bed until sleepy.
  7. I count the shakes of the orange juice bottle. Not on purpose, just find myself doing it. Sometimes straight through and sometimes in threes. This is a sure sign of genius, is it not?
  8. So, how am I doing. Not bad, which is probably why I am bothering to write. Evening is always my "normal" time when the world seems manageable. It has been super-hot around here and I've got all the windows open and skunk musk is blowing in, which I normally detest, but I'll take the cooler air and deal with it.
  9. Sounds like an obsession (i.e., anxiety). I love caffeine, too, but it really pushes the anxiety.
  10. I have also abused alcohol in the past. Never had strong cravings for it, though, and I'm not aware of trying to fill the gap with sugary junk. But it feels like a familiar pattern of addiction. So, JD4010, how is gabapentin working for you? I started it a few weeks ago for insomnia and I have to say it has made a big difference. I wake up with a lot more energy now.
  11. An interesting experience came my way over the last 10 days. You see, my budget is VERY tight right now and I've had to keep food expenses to a minimum. Nothing left over for sweets. I still put sugar in my coffee and oatmeal, but that's about it. Anyway, the last few days I have started feel a LOT better. And I realize how much I depended on "treats" to beat boredom or loneliness or frustration. There were a few times recently when I was startled at the number of candy wrappers that came out of my wastebasket on trash day! So now, the question is: can I stay off the sugar? Money is coming my way next week and I will be tempted to celebrate.
  12. Can you find a way to tell her? She sounds like a busy person and maybe you wish she would pay more attention to you, but sometimes you have to speak up. I know because I have been bad at doing just that most of my life.
  13. Ugly and beautiful are emotions, not objective states of being. They belong to the people who feel them, and people are different. You think there isn't a single person out of 7 billion who could bear your physical appearance and become your friend? That's your depression lying to you. It's a ridiculous lie, but the power of depression is that we believe ridiculous things.
  14. Fighting a surge of depression this afternoon. My client is late paying an invoice and I am flat broke. I mean NADA. The worst thing is that I am out of milk and have to drink my coffee black tomorrow! Yecch!
  15. Getting the focus off myself helps. With situation-specific anxiety, trying to make my symptoms worse actually helps, because it stops the catastrophic thinking. But if you're talking about the butterflies that stay all day, it's going to take something physical like strenuous exercise or medication to stop it. I was recently prescribed gabapentin for insomnia and it is having a great effect on my morning anxiety. I'm going to talk to my pdoc about dosing through the day since it's becoming clear that my Number One problem is GAD.
  16. Celexa took my anxiety down to zero but only when I went up to 40 mg. It was nice, but I didn't stay there long because I become too apathetic for my liking. And while sex no longer scared me, I couldn't do it on that dose!
  17. Why don't you take yourself out for your birthday? If you sit alone in your room again, you have no one but yourself to blame.
  18. Pretty good right now. Evening is my "normal" time when the depressive BS subsides. Had a rough afternoon, though, first time in a few weeks.
  19. I have spent many years perfecting the technique of not making friends. Here are some helpful tips: Stay home as much as possible Be suspicious of people's motives when they are nice to you Complain a lot and always insist on getting your way Don't act happy or contented ever If you do manage to start a friendship, always be on guard for betrayal At the slightest hint of betrayal or criticism, immediately cut it off
  20. Dear 15anddepressed, you are being physically and emotionally abused. I hope there is an adult who you trust and who is not on your mother's side that you can tell this to.
  21. I know the feeling very well. It hits me every day in the afternoon. I really want to get out somewhere and engage with people, but my mind is blank or I shoot down every idea I come up with. The barrier is in our heads, not in the world. There are many people out there to talk to. The problem is that we don't believe it.
  22. I hear you. There are piles of stuff in my apartment that I have been staring at for a few months. Amazingly, they refuse to sort themselves out.
  23. Crashing from my morning coffee. I love coffee and the buzz. It's like I can see over the fence for a little while. Then it's gone. Sky is getting dark as today's storm approaches. Makes me a bit glum and excited at the same time.
  24. Have lots more energy today. I think it's the gabapentin that I started a few nights ago. I must be getting better sleep. Cymbalta took away the worst of the depression but sleep hadn't improved much. Still working on my low self-esteem; the constant feeling of shame is gone but it's taking time to visualize myself getting back into the working world.
  25. It's a taboo topic, right? I mean, you don't just casually throw out "Last night I wondered what it would be like to end my life" when you're out with friends. So it's hard to tell that people have these thoughts.
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