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John_in_SF

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About John_in_SF

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

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  • Location
    San Francisco, California
  • Interests
    Computers, science, piano, singing, country-western dancing, movies on my killer AV system

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609 profile views
  1. Blah. And awkward. I apartment/dog-sat for my pastor for a few days, then she said I could stay here longer and sleep on an air mattress in the kitchen. I'm grateful for the opportunity to not sleep in my car in an industrial parking lot, but I feel like an intruder, despite being as cheerful and helpful around the house as I can be. I don't think this is going to last very long. I am catching on to a new facet of my depression, and that is anhedonia. I'm not motivated to improve my lot because nothing is enticing or promising or rewarding to me. This is sort of the flip side of hopelessness.
  2. Pretty good this morning. I am experiencing fewer and shallower low moods. Doing the PowerPoint slides for my church's services this month so that gives me creative work to take me out of my head.
  3. I hear that. For a while, gabapentin seemed like the only thing giving me proper sleep. Then I realized it had zombified me and was rapidly increasing my depression. Into the trash it went!
  4. Oddly good, maybe hypomanic. I have moderated the coffee and avoided sugary food, which seem to keep my mood from swinging. Even though I woke up too early as usual, I wasn't depressed as usual. I got a little creative work done this morning, which also helps. I am beginning to see that my days have long been filled with an empty, computer-obsessed routine. It's starkly clear now that I am out of my familiar environs. Now I need to set some goals and start planning, which has been hard to do when I don't have hope for the future.
  5. I am going through this, too, Kenneth. Hopelessness ("things will never get better") is the signature symptom of major depression. Coming in second and third are helplessness ("there's nothing I can do about it") and worthlessness ("I'm no good to anybody"). These are all lies. The problem is that depression is a convincing liar. While in its throes, I firmly believe these things and it's a terrible feeling. I am convinced that there is nothing to live for. One thing you can do is, when you are feeling better, write a letter to your depressed self to remind you that these thoughts and feelings can pass.
  6. Have you shared your unhappiness with your wife, who appears to have made this decision for you, and if so, what does she say?
  7. Like I'm seriously past my expiration date. My body is sore from a week of sleeping in a reclined bucket seat. I went to church today, which was nice, but then it's over and everyone disperses and I'm back out here alone again.
  8. I am envious. I don't have any friends. Acquaintances and people who help me from time to time, but no one to go hang out with. Something is wrong with me in that department. I don't like being alone all the time.
  9. Kinda bored and definitely hungry. I'm trying a bit of a fast today to save money and see how it affects my mood. I've only had two coffees so far and am about to go have my one large meal for the day. I can say that so far, I have avoided low moods. I expect that will change after I eat but oh well. Really wish I had a safe place to go for a nap.
  10. Thanks for the hug. I got assertive and they are going to pay me on Monday. (Should have been yesterday by state law.)
  11. Put the alarm on the other side of the room so you have to get out of bed.
  12. Twitchy this morning. It's because I broke down and ate some caramel M&Ms last night. Sugar is as bad as alcohol for me right now. Also feeling angry that it's been 30 days and I haven't been paid for the part-time job I took last month. It took them two weeks from my verbal start date to do the paperwork so I expect them to be lazy about everything else. I need get past the anger and go into assertive mode.
  13. That "hour" lasts only 50 minutes around here.
  14. And the good news is that your cholesterol is now really, really low, right?
  15. If you have the cure, we are all ears. 🙉
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