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skblue

Senior Member
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About skblue

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    Senior Member
  • Birthday 06/28/1975

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Northeast US
  • Interests
    Travelling, anything to do with the ocean, reading sci-fi/fantasy/romance/psychology/sociology, dancing

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  1. Standing up for yourself.

    I really want to encourage you to do some reading on why domestic violence victims stay (plugging that into Google will give you a lot of material) because you obviously really care about your friend, and I don't think getting frustrated with her or blaming her (even only in your own mind and trying to be very careful never to let her see that attitude) will help and could drive her away, into more isolation and danger. Just a few reasons people stay and/or don't go to the police that I can remember from a DV workshop I went to at my last job - because they love their abuser and believe the abuser will change (DV is a cycle, it's not always bad), they're afraid the police won't believe them or won't be able to protect them long term, they don't have the financial resources to leave (and even if there are friends who would help, they might feel too ashamed to ask), they believe that if they can just learn the rules to stop making their abuser anger, things will get better and that's less scary than trying to start over (maybe not logical, but just like with being in a serious depression, the thought process isn't necessarily logical but it still seems like reality). And there are so many more reasons why. Obviously, you know your friend and I don't, but I had to wince a little at the phrase "an urge to roll over and give in." I can really imagine friends and family of mine who thought almost the exact same thing about me when I quit my job because of my depression, or when I would cancel on them or on other things because I couldn't get out of bed/the house. What they couldn't understand was that I wasn't "giving in", I was fighting with everything I had, but that fight was all taking place inside me, not in a way they could see it. I imagine that something like that is going on inside your friend, too.
  2. There's nothing for you to apologize for - you didn't write it! And it was interesting to hear it from a doctor's perspective. He probably did mean it in that way, and I get that, it just seemed to me like he could also do a little more work on his own attitude of, "I'm a doctor, so I'm more important than you, no matter what".
  3. Interesting article, but the first two in the list of advice on dealing with doctors he gives (don't come on too strong and show respect) *really* P***** me off. Few doctors want to be greeted with the fact that a patient doesn't see them as a god (but you can ease into it)? Too freaking bad! I think instead he should be writing for all doctors and medical school faculty to talk about how to stop medical students and doctors from starting to think they're god-like in the first place, and to really learn how to see their patients as whole people who have something to contribute to their own healthcare, whether they have a chronic illness or not. And "show respect"??? Seriously??? Of course, both patient and doctor should be respectful of each other, but demanding that a patient "show respect" is over and above that. I can't even think of how to describe why that is so wrong, the phrase made me too angry. The rest are some interesting points, and I think some of it has to do more with the difficulties with healthcare systems in many places than doctor/patient relationships. Like not coming into an appointment after a long absence with a long list of things to talk about - yes, I can see where that would be a problem because appointment slots are limited, but at the same time, sometimes it's impossible to get appointments so there's no choice about the long absence. Or sticking with only a main primary care doctor and a few specialists and building relationships with your doctors over years - in some healthcare systems, you have to see whoever is available, there's no option to stay with the same doctor all the time.
  4. Standing up for yourself.

    You don't. I mean, realistically, you can never *make* someone else do anything. As @rhyl says, the choice has to be hers. You could maybe try to persuade her, but I think that might have the risk of her cutting you out of her life from shame/embarrassment/guilt/etc. or her husband doing more to force her to cut contact with you. It could end up being really dangerous for her. I think just making sure that she knows you're always there to go to with non-judgmental support is the most you can do. But I'd also suggest reading the websites of some domestic violence support groups - they're the experts in helping people deal with something like that, for the victims and the victims' friends and family that want to help. I'm sorry your friend is going through that and you have to witness it, and good for you for wanting to help her.
  5. Oh, one more thing, though - if you do go to the clinic, I wouldn't lead with the idea that you think you should take time off of work. I think that's where I went wrong. Instead, I should have described my symptoms and how they were interfering with all parts of my life and how work was making them worse, especially my physical reactions to being at work or thinking of going to work (uncontrollable sobbing, shaking, sweating, shortness of breath, etc.) And good luck! I hope it works out for you and you're able to take the time you need to get better!
  6. Hi StressedToTheHilt, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time; I get so angry when I think about how difficult the whole process of trying to get help when having mental health problems is. I wasn't sure in your post who it was that left the message saying that the EAP counselor wasn't qualified to complete FMLA paperwork? I think the answer to your question might be different depending on who is telling you that you need to see a different health professional to get the paperwork filled out (though I am by no means an expert). However, saying that, if there's a clinic you go to and a doctor there would diagnose you with having health issues that require you to take time off work, I don't think it matters that it's not your primary care doctor. In the end, the doctor that filled out my FMLA paperwork was a psychiatrist that I saw as part of a 2 week long program. Over those two weeks, I saw her about 3-4 times, but it wasn't like I had had a long doctor/patient relationship with her, if that's what you're worried about. She actually agreed to fill out the paperwork the first time I met with her, which I think any doctor would if things are acute enough that you've already be out of work for awhile. So I guess that would be my suggestion - go to the Unity Point and talk to the doctor or nurse practitioner or whoever there who diagnoses people. Because needing to use FMLA does mean that you are dealing with a serious health concern like depression or anxiety (or whatever it is), it's not just being stressed because your job sucks and they should take that seriously.
  7. What Really Bugs You (7)

    Agreed!
  8. What did you dream last night?

    I just remembering another part of thee dream, where I had a full on panic attack. I've had mild ones in real life, but never a major one. The dream one was definitely major- heart pounding until I thought I would have a heart attack, shaking, the whole thing. In the dream the power went out and I literally thought a civil war had started. And even though it was a dream, I want to say to anyone who gets panic attacks like that in real life, I'm so sorry.
  9. Yes, talk to your doctor first. There can be significant side effects to stopping an antidepressant (there's a lot of info out there if you Google "withdrawal syndrome") even with your doctor's advice on how to do it best. Stopping on your own is most likely even worse. I'm speaking from experience here - I have stopped a couple of antidepressants on my own because of insurance issues, including Lexapro. I tried to taper down gradually, but I have no idea if I was doing it in the best way. And I did end up feeling a lot worse for a couple of weeks, to the point that if I hadn't been anticipating it, I would have been seriously suicidal (and I've never been actively suicidal otherwise). That was a few years ago so obviously I got through it, but it was really pretty horrible while I was doing it.
  10. What did you dream last night?

    The only part of my dream from last night that I can remember is that my sister had completely flipped her politics, so that she was now more like an Ayn Rand libertarian capitalist, supporter of the white nationalists in Charlottesville, etc. Which she would never do so I have no idea where that came from. I can't remember the story surrounding her switch in the dream. I just remember me and my parents being completely disgusted, and my sister being really sad for us. And me thinking that I couldn't see how her marriage could continue when she and her husband now had such opposing views. Very bizarre.
  11. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Me too. And I know that once I finally get around to doing laundry, I'll feel the same. I've had loads of dirty laundry in my car for weeks, after many weeks of not doing anything about it. But when the act of getting out of bed feels like the equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest while carrying a house or something, there was no hope for doing laundry. Strangely, I'm feeling a lot more energetic and motivated since going off my meds cold turkey last week. I thought they were helping, but maybe not. Hope you guys are able to find some relief soon.
  12. Is it ok to talk to your doctor?

    I understand your fear - I have had similar reactions from doctors. For example, after telling one that I had been really starting to really struggle with depression again in the past year since I'd seen her (getting teary while saying that), her response was "Well, everyone gets a little down during the winter." I found a new doctor. It's exhausting trying to get help for mental illness, and when doctors or other health professionals don't seem to take it seriously or are suspicious of a patient's motives for talking about medication or have any other negative attitude, it just adds insult on injury. I agree with the other commentors - you need to be able to say this to your doctor and you need to be able to find another doctor if your current one doesn't take you seriously. Unfortunately, not everyone can change doctors or if they can it can take a long time. I hope you are able to get what you need from your current doctor or find another who can help you.
  13. What's On Your Mind Right Now?

    Sorry if it isn't appropriate to comment on what you wrote since this is the What's on Your Mind thread, but I found it interesting and two parts really struck me. First, I have to disagree with that self help book - I think who we are is who we were socialized to be. But then maybe I'm confusing intention with behaviors. There are many many behaviors of mine that I am not happy with. Those are things that I learned how to do as a child, that I needed in some way then. Now that I'm aware of how difficult many of them can make my life, I'm trying to change them, but it's not easy. The second part that I really can relate to is your second paragraph. I've often felt like me expressing the normal needs of a person in a relationship (of any kind, family, friendship, or romantic) makes me a burden on people. What I'm trying to learn/teach myself is that other people are responsible for their own actions and reactions. Getting involved with someone else is neutral. I'm not imposing on them, it's not automatically going to be a burden or a pain in the ass for them, but nor is it necessarily going to be a good thing for them, no matter how much I think I have to offer them. I get to make the choice to get involved with them (or the degree to which I want to be involved), and they get to make the decision about if getting involved with me is positive, negative, or just forgettable. Learning to approach any interaction with other people as a situation where they're the only ones who have control over their feelings, thoughts, and actions regarding the interaction with me has really helped me a lot.
  14. What was a small victory you had today?

    Finally used the hair dye I bought about 5 months ago (or longer) and colored my hair. It's the first time I've ever done it myself and the first time using a more dramatic color. It's a bit uneven, but over all I think it came out pretty good, and I really like the color!
  15. https://psychcentral.com/lib/neurotransmitters-involved-in-adhd/ Here you go, some reference material at the end of the article too. It is rather vague about how exactly these neurotransmitters work for ADHD. This was just a 2 minute search though so I'm sure you could find more detailed information if you wanted to look.