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Everything posted by Psiangelica

  1. I am so stressed because I'm losing my extra prescription help in 2010 and I'm on a lot of meds. According to them I make like $100 too much a year to qualify but I'm going to fight it. I've been researching different Medicare D plans and will apply for PAAD but they want copies of birth certificate, award letter, and something else I don't even understand that I need to ask SSA for. I'm nervous I'll get denied. My script costs are so much even with a Part D plan that they'll cost $5,000 a year. My dad is going to help me this year but I have a year to get off insulin and most of my other meds so I can afford to live. I'm really scared and sleepless over this; it's the last thing I needed after my mom's recent death.
  2. Finally... people who understand that hormonal problems can give you panic attacks! I have PCOS and Bipolar C (mixed) and believe me, I know exactly what you're going through. I wouldn't be surprised if these two ailments are related, since technically neurotransmitters are hormones. I just found out I have 2 simple cysts and my cycle was crazy this month. I went on Provera to stop the bleeding and I noticed right away the anxiety had increased as well as classic panic symptoms like facial twitches, "tight" skin, goofy eyes, and shaking. Not to mention the blood sugar elevation. Lamictal, perphenazine, and clonazepam work together to control my symptoms. However, it's never a failsafe. Whenever my hormones have been off in the past, it's caused mood swings and elevated anxiety which to me is getting old. There comes a time when panic attacks actually make you more angry than nervous because you're just so sick of them. Hang in there... been diagnosed with PCOS 20 years now and counting, and endo is a "sister" disease to PCOS. Consult doctors before making rash decisions like major surgery. Get all the facts because removing the organs can actually cause different problems. I am NOT looking forward to menopause.
  3. Hi Mercury. I've gone through the same when I was on prozac and xanax. They were the wrong medications. I'm glad you didn't suffer seizures. However, some doctors have attributed strong bouts of anger to a seizure-like state. Very often when you're in between the sleep and waking states, it's normal to hear somebody calling your name. It's happened to me on more than one occasion throughout my life. The loud music, if you were sleeping right beforehand, could be the tail end of a dream you were having. There are also things known as lucid dreams where you can first wake up and then be "living" the dream up to half an hour after! Detoxing from xanax causes vivid dreams and a discomfort that can last for a few weeks. Also, my psychiatrist had described to me something call a "hypnopomptic hallucination" which is when you swear you see or hear something right after you wake up. I hope you can find a treatment facility that will forgive the back debts and get some assistance with that medication. You should report what's happened but I wouldn't be worried JUST yet. Auditory hallucinations usually occur in both ears, multiple voices, and there is a good and bad conscience. (This is what I've been told.) Of course hearing things is just that - hearing things. It doesn't necessarily have to be classified as a hallucination. When I talk about my experiences I personally prefer the word delusion. You are right about the compounded factors such as holidays, detoxing, and seasonal changes, not to mention witnessing a death. All of these things contribute to a very stressed body and mind. Stress of course triggers mania and/or depression. Seek some new treatment as soon as you can. Given all the independent stressors, it's just a good idea. Your mental health is important.
  4. Burgy, thanks for the warm welcome to this forum. Much appreciated. Sparkling, what kind of crisis? I've gone through many spiritual setbacks over my life and maybe I could help. I'm Catholic but have strayed away and returned and I've returned again since about 2006 or thereabouts. Faith can be a tricky thing. I'm just glad I have mine, even if it does eat away at me at times.
  5. Are there mental health clinics with a sliding fee scale where you live? You might be able to make use of one of those. Also applying for municipal welfare might get you Medicaid. Try contacting the psych departments of your local hospitals and see what resources they can provide. They have social workers there. If you feel you need to go the route of disability, have your doctor fill out a Med1 form from welfare and that should get you a monthly stipend (it's not that much), a medical card, and even food stamps. There are also church-related social services. Let me know what you find and I'd be happy to help you out if you need to look for things online.
  6. This sounds sort of like the type of BP I have. I can relate to feeling like you have an earth-changing destiny. Because my delusions are biblically related I sometimes think I have something extremely important to do with the apocalypse, that I'm meant to be part of God's army. I used to experience this a lot more and actually believed I was a tribe leader from the Book of Revelation. I needed to hold onto this belief because I felt so unimportant just being a "regular person" on this planet. I needed and wanted a divine purpose. A lot of times we hold onto these things because we think having a destiny like that is an explanation or reason for all the suffering we've endured in the past. I used to sleep all day and stay up all night - that's a serotonin thing. I read more and more about people who need psych care and can't afford it and it makes me wonder what other states' municipal welfare departments are like, that a person can't just go and apply for Medicaid. Thank God it worked for me while I was waiting for disability. The whole pride factor - yup, it's hard to admit to yourself that you may need an external source such as a medication to keep your symptoms at bay. However, when you've found the right one, once you realize how different you feel on it, it gets easier and you learn to take pride in the fact that you're doing what you have to do to treat your disorder. The crying thing - been there. Believe me, there was a trigger. It was probably extremely subtle and you'll learn to recognize your triggers. Quitting the job - did it February of '04 after eight years with the company. Paranoia was the main reason; I really felt like the new supervisor was out to fire me. At that time I was medicated incorrectly. I do feel like you need a psychiatrist who is old school enough that they also do psychotherapy. Both is required really in order to treat the disorder. I've noticed at least for myself that BP is progressive and if left untreated gets more complicated. Sorry you're going through this but try to hang in there. You have tons of support in this forum.
  7. I didn't see a specific title about this so I thought I would post it here... my paranoid manic delusion is always that God is punishing me. And yet I turn to God whenever there's a problem. I have extremely strong faith and at the same time my fear is that God hates me. Few and far between do I ever experience that feeling of love from God. Does anybody else feel this way and do you think this type of thought is more of a schizophrenic hallucination?
  8. I have a debilitating fear of parasitic insects - fleas, ticks, lice, scabies, moths, ants, termites, silverfish. I had a bad incident with dormitory lice in college and then the phobia quelled itself for years, especially when I was on prozac. But I haven't been on it since 2006 and the phobia began to act up again when I had termite swarmers in the window and then over the summer when I had an infestation of drugstore beetles and beetle moths all in my clothes. I was scared to death and still am, 8 months later. My BIL is a professional exterminator and gave my apartment harsher treatment than what he does in a whole house. But I am still afraid of these things coming back even in freezing weather. I'm terrified that my fiance won't Frontline his cats when I go there in January and that when he moves up here with his cat he'll have fleas. I mean I'm terrified of it. Every time it happens I think God is punishing me with a plague and I hate when people try to tell me it's "stupid" to be afraid of something. I keep explaining I can't help how I feel. My life revolves around my phobia in a lot of ways. I'm anxious when I wake up in the morning because I have to check the blankets and pillows for bugs. I get my clothes out the night before and stare at every inch of them to make sure there's no moths... and everything, I mean everything had been washed after the problem. I take 2 showers a day because of it. I generate a lot of wash every few days because I refuse to wear something twice. Once I've worn it, it's contaminated. I'm afraid this phobia of bugs is also turning into germophobia like what Howard Hughes had. Until I really examined my life I didn't even realize how often I stare at fabrics and furniture, how I schedule my activities and limit what I do according to my fear. If any part of me itches I'm afraid it's fleas or lice. It always acts up, the more stress I have in my life and with what's going on with my mom now it's no surprise that I would be OCD about the bugs. Does anybody have a success story they can share with me about overcoming a phobia like this?
  9. Sinead, I'm going through it too with my mom and it sounds like our stories are similar so far. She's responding well to the chemo and she's joking about her hair loss and new wig. She got excited about celebrating Christmas and felt so well that she ran around the house decorating it with my dad. Just reading the responses here I feel very hopeful because there are people who have beaten cancer. My mom had half a lung removed 15 years ago but this time it's small cell so we have to wait and see. If all is well in January then she can start another round of chemo and I hope to God it will shrink those tumors to nothing. I know how it feels to be terrified of losing a parent. I feel the same way. A few people have told me to cherish the time I have with my mom and to not act like she's already dead. Everybody else has given good advice... don't be afraid to enjoy time with your dad or feel guilty if you enjoy yourself. Laugh, live, love. Share parts of your life with your dad and let him live it with you, through you. In fact, take the time now to say the things you always wanted to, to hang out with your dad, and have the time of your life. Enjoy Christmas this year better than you've enjoyed any other. My heart truly goes out to you... whatever happens, somewhere, somehow, we will find the strength we need. You need to want to live again as well. Your dad wants that, I'm sure. Godspeed and praying for a fast recovery/remission. Misty
  10. It took four years for me to get on SSD in the states and I required a lawyer to get them. In August I was approved and have been receiving benefits, but I am still waiting on the lump sum, which I hope comes soon. The prayer I used was to St. Jude and it is an unfailing prayer. If you'd like it, please PM me.
  11. Hello All. I'm Misty. I'm 37 and have been technically disabled since September of 2004, although Bipolar Disorder had begun for me well before that. I only began psychotherapy with a psychiatrist in February of '06, although I'd been to several psychologists when I was a child and teenager, due to being diagnosed with ADHD. I became an expert on the subject, got a Bachelor's and eventually a Master's in psychology because I wanted to help kids and adolescents like myself who suffered being ostracized by peers and hating themselves for being different. This never came to fruition. By age 29 I was Bipolar, knew it, and volunteered to retire from practice for obvious ethical reasons. I spent many years working with stroke patients in neurorehab, a similar field, all the while denying the Bipolar Disorder. In February of 2004 my problems finally culminated in my resignation from a long-time job of 8 years, during which I'd actually received a promotion. I could no longer deal with my perception that the management was out to fire me at any cost, for any reason. Authority and I have a huge problem; we don't get along. I'm on Lamictal, Perphenazine, and Clonopin for my mental problems and a host of other meds for the physical stuff (which I won't bore anybody with). I have Mixed Bipolar (Type C) with Schizophrenic Tendencies. My manias consist of paranoid OCD tunnel vision episodes and they are rarely euphoric. I have a debilitating phobia of parasitic insects and it always feeds into the larger hallucination, which is of biblical (divine) persecution. Because of my education I might be at a different place than some with my therapy because I am brutally honest with myself. I also used to display traits of Borderline but when I stepped outside myself and saw the manipulation I put a lid on it and changed it straight away. Now I am anti-melodrama. However I do have my triggers and most of the time they manifest on message boards because of the lack of intonation in text and the inability to tell if someone's joking or being supportive. You'll be able to easily tell when I'm manic. I am no stranger to message boards but quit them for a long time because of this problem. I also see my high IQ as a burden and a curse because I see the world very differently. Forums that caught my eye right away were the ADHD, OCD, and SSD ones. I hope with my experience I can be a help to people with ADHD. I also hope that I fit in here. Thanks in advance for welcoming me.
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