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Everything posted by cb2

  1. I'll be sure to ask my doctor about "California Rocket Fuel" it sounds like it has a lot of potential of working. I'll look into the pharmacogenetic anaysis as well. Are there any effective antidepressants that don't cause sexual side effects? The ones that I have founds so far are Bupropion, Mirtazapine, Vilazodone and Vortioxetine.
  2. In the past three years I've been on a varying combination of the following medications: Lithium 600mg, Lamictal 400mg, Wellbutrin 300mg, Zoloft 100mg, Prozac 60mg, Abilify 20mg, busPIRone 10mg, Duloxetine 60mg, Citalopram 40mg, Clonazepam 0.5mg. I've been on so many different ones because nothing has worked. I am posting here because I have a visit with a new psychiatrist and want to know if anyone here has similar symptoms as me and found a medication that worked, this way I can talk to them about the possibility of it working for me too. This endless loop of medications is making me even more depressed and just want to find something that works. When I first went to a therapist and psychiatrist three years ago I just told them that I had depression and anxiety, but now I realize the reason for my depression and anxiety and hope I can find a medication that will be more specific to my issues rather than just one for general depression and anxiety. Here is my main issue... =I am unable to have meaningful interactions with people because I hyper focus on everything that people say to me and I usually find something that upsets me as I feel bullied or made fun of. (I do not know if medication can do anything for this, or if this has to do with things that happened to me in the past. I tell myself not to let something somebody said to me get to me but I truly cannot help it, it could be a form of irrational thinking or OCD?) =Because of this issue I fear interacting with people because they might say something or do something to upset me, so I avoid interactions if possible. As a side note, when someone does make a comment that upsets me I never say anything back, this is either because it's not until later when I think about it that it makes me upset or because I was just simply too afraid to. Could it be that it's only in my mind that a person was being mean to me? As an adult I wish I was able to defend myself when I feel someone disrespects me or hurts my feelings but because I hyper focus on every action and word somebody says I pretty much take everything as disrespectful or hurtful so it's hard to know when to speak up.
  3. I've been in therapy for three years, my main issues are past upsetting memories and I have never been able to let them go. I was doing some research and I just realized why I've never been able to let them go, it's because I never want something like that to happen again so I keep the memories stored as a warning to stop myself from making the same mistake again. Some people might see this as a good thing, but I have so many bad memories that I literally can't do anything in life and I pretty much stay home all of the time because I am scared something upsetting will happen and it will be another bad memory and another thing I can't do. One of bad memories is being made fun of by grocery store clerks for what I was buying (i like to stock up and they would make fun of how much i was buying, this happened 3 times with different stores), so I never go to clerks now and only use the self checkout. The issue is if I get rid of the bad memory I still won't go to a clerk and the reasoning will be what happened in the past because I don't want it to happen again thus making me remember what happened and the memory is brought back to life again and again every time I go to the store. The only way that I would go to a clerk is if I completely forgot about the incidents and I literally had zero recollection of them, which seems near impossible but that is what I would like. It seems to be a catch-22. Is there really a way to get rid of a bad memory if a person uses it to protect themselves from being hurt emotionally so it doesn't happen again or do you keep them to learn from the past?
  4. Something else I just remembered, before I saw her I filled out a questionnaire where I wrote down all of my issues and it took over 2 hours, but then session after session she kept asking me things that I already gave the answer to in the questionnaire and I became suspicious that she never read it, so at our fourth session I asked if she had a chance to read it and she said "I think I did, I probably did, I don't remember, I mean usually I'll make a note if there is something I want to talk about further or that is important" So basically she said with that statement that nothing was notable and nothing was important, even though I wrote in detail about horrible things that happened to me and I needed help with. I'm not sure if she has helped me or not because she causes me anxiety because I don't think she is taking my issues seriously and is not really interested in helping me, only in getting my money. The reason why I haven't got a different therapist yet is because I'm not sure if her dis-interest is in my mind or real.
  5. I've been seeing my therapist for about 5 months. The other day when I was describing one of my issues I noticed she looked down at her nails and started playing with them for about 20 seconds, I just kept talking, but now that I think about it I'm wondering if I was droning on too long or I wasn't interesting enough to keep her attention. If she does this again I think I'm going to stop seeing her because I think it's rude and unprofessional. Seems like a therapist should listen intently and not play with their nails. Should I be upset about this and find a new therapist? One of my issues is self confidence because I feel like people don't like me and this makes matters worse because she makes me feel like I am doing something wrong and am so boring that she can't help but play with her nails. Also, three weeks ago she promised to find someone who could do EMDR but every time I see her she says she hasn't got around to doing that. I like her, but these two issues make me doubt my importance to her and she is just using me for a paycheck.
  6. I have one certain bad memory that runs through my mind at least 100 times a day, the incident happened 10 years ago but it feels like it happened yesterday. I've been in therapy for 3 years and am on 5 medications for depression and anxiety, mostly because of this one single incident, but none of that has worked and the memory is as vivid as it was when it first happened. This is really driving me crazy and I want to get rid of it forever because it's controlling me and holding me down. I think one reason why this memory haunts me so much is because it was life changing and I could have prevented it, I wish so much it never happened because I wouldn't be the mess that I am today. Any suggestions on how to get rid of a past memory that is ruining your life?
  7. When I was talking with my psychiatrist today he said that I was "painfully articulate" after I described how my medication was working out. Is this a negative or positive? It sounds like he was being rude or sarcastic and wasn't taking my feelings into consideration and blurted that out. I think he was telling me to stop talking and shutup. Should I look for a new psychiatrist?
  8. My therapist wants me to start taking small steps in getting out of the house and being around people. She wants me to come up with a list of things that I would be comfortable doing, such as activity groups or volunteering, but I don't think I'm ready for things like that because I have horrible "anticipation anxiety" so I would prefer something where I can go that I don't have to sign up for and make a commitment or appointment, this way if I can go or not go without the feeling of letting someone down. So far the only thing I can think of is church, although I am not religious. If anyone has anything where I can just show up without making a commitment please let me know.
  9. I've decided I'm not going back to see her because I just know every time I see her it will just open up this wound, also I would be nervous the entire time during our session that she may make another joke to upset me. Although, I would like to see her one more time and get an explanation, but most likely she will just say she didn't mean any harm and apologize, so I don't see a need to give her my money again. I've come to terms with this situation and know that she didn't mean to upset me and I guess she thought it was a funny thing to say. I think we all have made jokes that we wish we could take back, so I don't hold a grudge with her, but when dealing with people who are depressed and suicidal maybe joking about their condition isn't the best idea. When I contact the clinic to cancel my appointments I am going to mention the incident just so the therapist is aware why I stopped seeing her and she should be more careful when making jokes with a patient.
  10. Thank you for your replies. They made me feel a lot better. One thing that I just remembered that she said when she was going over all of the forms and stuff was that a client didn't have to keep seeing her if they didn't feel it was working and she wouldn't be offended, but then she said that she could stop seeing the client if she wanted to and that part was weird to me because I've heard therapists say I didn't have to come back if I didn't want to, but the part about she could stop seeing a client if she wanted to was strange, I've never heard a therapist say that. Why would she even say that? Has anyone ever been told by a therapist that they can stop seeing you if they want? I know they have the right but why say that in the first session, what's the point if at any moment they drop you and you have to start all over again with a new therapist. I know if the client does something bad to them, I understand, but I felt it almost as a threat.
  11. About ten minutes into my first session with a new therapist she asked about some of my issues and I guess I went on for a while talking and when I finished she said "wow, I'm tired" She said it was a joke and laughed. She said she was joking twice, so I think she knew she should not have said it, but she did. It really caught me off guard so I didn't say anything about it, but as the session continued it's all I could think about and couldn't believe she would make a joke at her client's expense. In my mind I was trying to decide whether to confront her about the joke or just to let it go, but it's hard to let something go when it's all you can think about. I left without saying anything, but in retrospect I should have told her my feelings, although, I don't know what good it would have done since even if she apologized or explained that it wasn't meant to hurt me, I still would not go back to her. I've seen 4 different therapists in the last three years and this is the very first time anything like this has happened. I'm supposed to meet with her every Thursday at noon, but right now I'm conflicted about going to the appointment next week to discuss this incident with her or contact the clinic to cancel and let them know what happened. I know the clinic probably won't do anything to her, but I just want them to know why I won't be a patient there anymore. Do you have any advice on how I should proceed?
  12. I have zero self confidence and am frightened of people because I'm afraid they will tease me or make fun of me and I don't have friends because of this. I think this comes from being bullied as a kid because I was overweight. I've been in therapy for 2 years and it hasn't helped my self confidence at all. I think someone just telling me that I'm a good person and I should have more confidence isn't enough, like my therapists have done. However, my first therapist had me do exposure therapy to prove that people won't make fun of me, but instead of making me better it made me worse because of what someone said or did and it reinforced all my fears, instead of showing me that my fears were false. When I did the exposure therapy I wasn't ready at all and it damaged me, too much too soon. Whenever I'm around adults I feel like I'm ten years old and am frightened they might bully or tease me. I don't feel like a man or an adult. Whenever someone has teased me I just take it and don't standup for myself. I can remember so many instances where a kid teased me and I just stood there and didn't say a word, same thing goes today, whether it's adults teasing or being rude. I need to find a way to raise my self confidence, to feel like an adult and a man. I've only seen female therapists because I feel that I can't open up to a man without being judged. Does anyone have any opinions on this?
  13. Here's an update... I've seen my current therapist twice and when I first called her I asked her if she was in my insurance network she said she would be starting Feb. 15th, so I saw her on Feb. 16th and 23rd, paying her my $15 co-pay. Well, I got a bill from her for $325.00 for our 2 sessions, I was shocked because she said she was in my network and I would only need to pay $15 per session. I emailed her today and she said she doesn't know what I'm talking about and I have to pay the bill. I just checked my insurance website and in the search results it says she is still out of network. I should have never trusted her and should have waited for confirmation from my insurance. I remember when I was making my first appointment she asked if I wanted to see her before Feb. 15th when she would be out of network or after Feb. 15th when she would be in my network, naturally I said after because it would be only $15. Unfortunately there isn't much I can do except pay the bill so it doesn't go to collection. This is why I don't trust people.
  14. I saw my previous therapist for five months, but at our last visit I caught her looking down at the floor while I was talking and also she was playing with the arms of her sweater, also while I was talking, instead of looking me in the eye or writing anything that I was telling her down. I felt disrespected and stopped seeing her. Today I saw my new therapist and we talked about how at the apartment building where I live I constantly have to call the manager to complain about noise and these are repeat offenders meaning I keep complaining and they keep doing it or new neighbors move in and more blasting music or more barking dogs. I don't care if the noise is every once in while but if it's everyday for hours on end I just can't take it, plus my apartment is very, very expensive and hate that I'm pay so much for a place were I can't relax or have peace and quiet. The building must have thin walls and floors because I've never lived in a place like this. So, I told my therapist how I was on edge 24/7 about one of my neighbors making repeated noise and I told her that right now I stay in my bedroom with the door shut with a noise machine and I wear headphones. I told her that I hate feeling like a victim and having to be locked in my room because of someone else's selfish actions. Her advice was to stay hold-up in my room and keep doing what I'm doing and make it my safe space. Maybe that is the right answer, but it's not the answer I was hoping for because right now I feel like a prisoner. It is true that I could just keep complaining until all of this stops for good, but I have done that. I've made four complaints about one neighbor and five on another, it is better but every few days it still happens. It's the fault of my neighbors for not showing respect for me or being courteous and the manager for not being more clear how important the complaint is and they have to stop forever. What's your opinion?
  15. I'm very, very depressed right now. In June of 2016 new neighbors moved into the apartment below me. They left their dog home all day while they were at work and it barked its head off the whole day until they got home. I work at home so this was a huge problem. I had to complain twice to the apartment manager before it stopped. But then in August they started leaving it at home again and it barked all day long, I complained again and it stopped. But then in October they started leaving it home again and I had to complain again and it stopped, sort of. They now leave the dog home alone about twice a week and it barks its head off until they get home. It now is only for a couple of hours, but it's still annoying as heck and bothers me. I just can't believe after four complaints they would ever leave the dog home alone. The last time they did it was two weeks ago on Friday night for 10pm to 12am. I was going to complain again but I would have to wait until Monday when the apartment office was open, by the time Monday came I wasn't as upset or angry so I decided not to complain and give them one more chance before I did complain. I've heard it a couple times since then but because it happens at night now I'd have to wait until the next day to complain when the apartment office is open and usually by then I decide it's not worth it to complain but if the office was open at night I would 100% complain because of how upset, angry and depressed it makes me hearing the dog because after four complaints it still hasn't stopped. I will say that they don't leave it home all day like they used to, and not it's usually in the evening but only once or twice a week. My question is should I complain if it barks again for more than an hour? or am I being a jerk by wanting there to be absolutely no barking? The barking until midnight 2 weeks ago definitely was something that did merit a complaint but since then it's been in the early evening. Am I making too much of this and I should just forget about it and only complain if it starts happening almost everyday? It seems like there has to be some kind of training to make it stop barking when it's left home alone.
  16. I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 months and I want to break-up with her. I liked her at first, but in recent weeks I've seen a side of her that is rude, mean and thoughtless. She will say things without thinking about how it might make me or someone else feel. I thought she was the sweetest and nicest woman, but after getting to know her more I was wrong and I am done with her. However, she is already planning for our Christmas together and even Valentine's day. She told me she loved me and I lied and said I loved her too. I kept giving her chances to prove me wrong about her, but every time we hung out the worse it got. The problem is that I want to break-up with her over text. I don't want to do it in person because she'll either try to convince me to stay or just be rude and mean. I really don't want to see her again and because I suffer from severe depression and suicidal thoughts I don't want to put myself in a situation that could make things worse for me. How should I handle this?
  17. I'm currently taking Welbutrin 450mg, Lithium 300mg, Lamictal 300mg, Trazodone, 50mg, Clonazapam 0,5mg. All of these medications are barely making a dent and the sexual side effects are not worth it. I'm dating a woman and have to take Viagra and I hate that, can't be spontaneous at all, it really depresses me. I never thought these meds would affect me sexually so much. Even though I'm taking all of these meds I'm still depressed, suicidal and have horrible anxiety. I saw my doctor and he's going to work with me on doing this, but I'm wondering what are your opinions on weaning off so many medications? and if you've have any experience in weaning off so medications at one time over a period of time.
  18. I've been dating a woman for a month and I've avoided having sex with her because I'm not sure if the sexual side effects of my depression medication may hinder me from getting or maintaining an erection. I want to have sex with her really bad and she's thrown every hint at the book at me that she feels the same, in her last text she said "If I come over I can't be responsible for my naughty behavior ;)" Most guys would **** to have a woman say that, instead I'm freaking out because I may not be able to perform! I do have viagra, but I've never taken it with a partner. We've been very honest about everything in our lives to each other, however, I have not mentioned my depression, only because I never felt it was the right time and didn't want to just blurt it out all of a sudden. I am planning on sending her a text which reads... "I was thinking and I've pretty much told you everything about me except for the fact that I suffer from depression and take medication for it. It's nothing serious, but the depression was holding me back in life and caused anxiety and weight gain. Last year I started taking medication for it and it has done wonders for me. anxiety & depression seems to run in my family. the only drawback are sexual side effects from the medication, I am unsure of what will or won't work, which is embarrassing but i truly feel like i can tell you anything. The doctor prescribed me viagra to help for now, but have not tried it with a partner so am not sure what the results will be and kinda need to figure things out as we go. i hope you can be patient with me." Let me know what you think of that message. One of the reasons why I'm nervous about this is that I had a bad experience three months ago where I took a woman back to my place on the first date (which was unexpected, but she asked to) and wasn't able to maintain an erection and she took offense to it because she didn't believe it was caused by my meds, but instead because I wasn't attracted to her and she cried, that was a scarring experience and don't want that to happen again, but I only knew her for a week, this current woman I've known for a month.
  19. I switched to a new psychiatrist and psychologist last month and have now realized what my depression and anxiety are caused by. I don't have clinical depression, instead I have depression that is caused by upset and negative memories. I know that everybody gets upset, but mine is debilitating. My upset is almost always caused by people. It happens when I feel I'm being made fun of, bullied, belittled or people being mean to me, having a feeling of rejection or failing. I was made fun of as a kid because I was over weight, my parents hated each other, I haven't had a friend in 20 years, I work from home and am mostly secluded, I didn't go on my first date until I was 27 and have never been in a long term relationship. What usually happens is my upset is caused by me beating myself up because I put myself in a situation where an upsetting thing happened. It has been this way my whole life. I actually left school because of upset and started going to home school. My negative memories stem from the things in my life that have upset me, so they are connected. Usually what will happen is something will upset me to the point that I want to commit suicide because it keep replaying in my head, but usually that feeling fades away within a week, but that memory will forever be stored in my brain. It can come back if it is triggered or it may come back out of nowhere. My main issue right now is that I can't take anymore new painful negative memories, my brain is so full of them that it's almost driving me to the point of insanity. I've tried to keep myself busy, but during quiet times they always come back to haunt me. I am currently keeping myself away from everything and everyone, I don't want anymore upsetting memories in my brain! My question is... Does anyone know if I have a certain condition? Does anyone have any tips on curing or controlling it? and any websites or books that may help? My psychologist thinks that it could be a form of OCD because my mom had a horrible case of it, my psychiatrist thinks that it's social anxiety.
  20. Over the last 16 months I have lost 70 pounds, mostly because I go to the gym five times a week. Today I was accosted by a high pressure sales guy there who tried to sell me personal training sessions. The cheapest plan is a 12 months contract for $160 a month plus $100 signing fee. Once the guy started talking to me I tried to get out but he was so pushy and high pressure and I was scared that if I said I didn't want it that he would say something rude or sarcastic because I am still fifty pounds overweight. At first he acted like it was all free, but then he hit me with the cost. He talked to me for over an hour trying to get me to sign. I told him I didn't have enough money and he actually said that i should get rid of cable tv and buy cheaper groceries to afford it. I even told him that I was moving to Texas and he said that he knows a great trainer there and he will take over training me. I finally told him that I had to look over my financial situation at home and would tell him tomorrow. I'm supposed to meet him at 4:30, but am not going to go. I'm never going back to that gym ever again. If I sign up then I will feel like I was scammed into it and would only sign up so he won't bother me again. I'm afraid that if I say that I can't afford it he will then bother me every time I go to the gym or everytime I go to the gym that I will run into him. So I am going to cancel my membership. I wish I could be strong and just tell him "no" but I'm too scared at what he would say when I told him that and him pressuring me again telling me I can find money in my budget somewhere. It's almost bullying! Just the thought of going back there makes me feel like I want to throw up. What should I do? p.s. My apartment building has workout room but it's tiny and only has a treadmill, bike, eliptical and a weight machine.
  21. My younger brother and I are roommates. He suffers from agoraphobia and only leaves the house a few times a year. I always do the grocery shopping but today my brother summoned up enough courage to do the shopping instead. He's very, very sensitive about his weight because he's 400 lbs and that's one of the reasons he never leaves the house, but after today he probably will never leave the house ever again... He went shopping at the grocery store and as he was pushing his cart down an aisle there was a mother and son, the son was about 8, he was wearing a spiderman costume or pajamas with a mask or hat on, he couldn't tell. The mother and son were walking towards him until the son started screaming "please don't **** me! please don't **** me!" as he looked at my brother. The kid kept screaming and the mother said to her son "he's not going to **** you!" My brother was mortified and quickly turned around and left the aisle. He was in shock at what just happened. Did a kid really see him and thought he looked so scary that he thought he was going to **** him? or was it something to with the spiderman outfit and he was just playing around? We will never know for sure, but it's an experience that will forever be locked in his brain and now he's going to lock himself in the house for the rest of his life. He felt like a freak already and now he's been treated like one. I've tried to reason with him that maybe the kid was just playing around, I mean he was wearing spiderman costume, but there's no use in telling him that. The thing I feel worst about is that I was the one who was trying help him get out more and finally he does after 3 months of staying home and something so upsetting happens that he never wants to leave the house again.
  22. This is going to sound like a dumb thing to be upset about, but I am upset that I cancelled a physical therapy appointment today and now I feel horrible about it!!! I have a problem with my ankle and have been seeing a physical therapist for the last two months, I've cancelled once before last month but I did that three days before the appointment, but this time I canceled the day before, but I called before 24 hours of my appointment so I was perfectly within my rights to do so, however, I feel like I'm letting my physical therapist down by not going and the office she works at by cancelling on such short notice and they may not be able to fill the slot and will lose money and they will be mad at me next time I go in. When I called the receptionist I was hoping the conversation would go like this "yes, I need to cancel an appointment for tomorrow" and after looking up my info she would say "okay, i'll cancel that for you, thank you" instead she says "do you have a scheduling conflict?" I was caught off guard because the last time I canceled they didn't ask that, so I responded "I'm not feeling well." it's all I could think of on the spot. She wasn't rude or mean, but she sounded dissapointed or not happy that I was cancelling. I know people cancel appointments all of the time and I'm making something out of nothing, but this is all part of my depression and anxiety, that I let people down. I have one appointment left next week and am scared when I show up the receptionist or physical therapist will chide me or make a rude comment because I canceled 26 hours before the appointment. I cancelled because at the apartment complex that I live at they are repaving the entire parking lot and it's going to be almost impossible to leave and come home, plus my ankle is feeling better so I didn't see a reason to have to go through the stress of trying leave the complex and just wanted to stay home. All the physical therapist does is show me exercises and stretches to do and after a couple of appointments I should have cancelled the rest because there wasn't much more she could do, but I decided not to because I wanted to wait to see if my ankle got worse and I may need more help. This all happened four hours ago and I can't stop thinking about it.
  23. I'm currently going through one of my worst depressions I've ever had in my life and today I find out that I am being forced out of my apartment. I'm not mentally strong enough currently to deal with all of the moving stuff and wish I could stay where I am until I get better not to mention the expense that comes with moving. I live in an apartment community and I have been informed after an inspection that my floors are in disrepair and I have to move out in 3 months when my lease is up. I have lived there for three years. (the problem is something to do with the concrete/gypcrete being cracked under the carpet, i live on the 2nd floor so am a bit scared for my safety) Here's my question, do I have to live in an apartment with damaged floors until my lease is up? Do I have any rights to demand they move me into a new unit that is not damaged or even pay me for the three months left on my lease if I move out right now? The community is owned by a corporation that owns hundreds of these kinds of apartment communities. I talked with the apartment manager today and she says that there is no a safety issue with the floor. Instead, the issue is the tenant below can hear me walking and the floor creaks when I do, now whether hearing my footsteps and the creaking is due to cracked concrete/gypcrete under the floor I do not know. I hear the person above me walking and creaking all of the time and they remodeled that apartment recently. The building was built in 1987. The maintenance guys who inspected the floor walked on it while one of them was in the unit below and listened, they did not actually pull up the carpet to look at the concrete/gypcrete to see if it was damaged. If there is no actual safety issue, but the floor is damaged, am I basically out of luck and have to stay until my lease is up or have them let me out early? It seems like they should be legally obligated per my lease to move me into a "non-damaged" unit instead of making me live in one that has damaged floors and is bothering the tenant below, even if there isn't a real safety concern. Am I wrong about this?
  24. I am currently on Lamictal (200 mg), Wellbutron (450 mg), Trazodone (50 mg, for sleep), Clonazepam (0.5 mg, as needed). These meds are not working. My psychiatrist has tried to help me, but it seems we're at a stand still in terms of what to do next for me, he wants me to stay on everything, but increase the Lamictal. Can anyone here give me any advice on any medications that have helped you with severe depression and suicidal thoughts so I can at least I can have hope that one day I will feel better? My depression usually goes up and down, some days I'll feel good, others not so good, but for the last two months I've felt depressed pretty much everyday and lost passion for life. I switched from Duloxetine to Wellbutron three months ago and my dosage slowly increased, but my depression has only gotten worse. I switched from Duloxetine to try and reduce sexual side effects, but I was still very depressed when I was taking it so it wasn't a wonder drug for me.
  25. Maybe I'm too nice, kind and caring for this world full of impatient people. A lot of people are nice and understanding, but every once in a while you come across somebody who only cares about themselves. An example of this is the other day I'm pulling out of a grocery store parking lot and I couldn't go because traffic was backed up into the intersection in both lanes, so unless I wanted to pull into the middle of an intersection I couldn't go until traffic started moving, but the person behind me honks at me, I look back at her and she is waving me to go. What?!?! Go where? Into the middle of the intersection? The lanes were full! There was a third lane, a right lane that was open, but that lane was "right turn only" and led you back into the store parking lot. Since we were both leaving the store I don't think turning into that lane would have helped either of us. There was also a light at the intersection and it was Red! So after she honked at me and waved me to go, I turned around and looked right at her and flipped her off. It's something that I'd never done before but I'd had enough of these people! I felt bad afterwards, but she was out of line and I snapped. I wanted her to know that she was in the wrong and she should let the lead car decide when it's safe to go because she didn't have the vantage point that I had, I'm not going to get into an accident because she can't wait ten more seconds. You might say what I did was rude and mean and I totally understand that, but what else could I have done to tell her to "stop it!" and be patient so I don't get into an accident. I could have just waved at her or looked at her, but in that moment I was so shocked by her impatience and plain stupidity that I honestly couldn't believe it and I crossed my own line of decency. You should only use your horn if you need to prevent some kind of accident something like that and not just because you're tired of waiting when it's not even safe for the driver in front to go. The funny thing is that after it was safe to go she made a left turn a couple blocks later, which meant if I did turn into the "right turn only" lane she would of had to cross three lanes and maneuver through traffic to get into the left turn lane so she had no good reason to tell me to "go". In the past I've also been honked at when an ambulance or fire truck is coming and the person behind me is so out of it that they don't know you're supposed to pull to the right or not go if the light is green until they emergency vehicles have passed so they are not blocked or impeded. I just needed to vent. I don't want to flip anyone off ever again, it made me feel terrible afterwards and I slipped down to her awful level and I hate that.
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