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frangipani last won the day on December 2 2013

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  1. You're welcome!! I'm sorry that you've encountered negativity on here, but please keep trying. You really sound like you're on the right track, and with time, I do believe that you'll be able to build a circle of people to talk to. Good luck!!
  2. Hi there, IHaveNoName... I'm also semi-housebound...mostly now from habit, which started during the worst of my depression almost ten years ago. Despite that, I converse with close friends on a daily basis, and they're mostly people that I've met through forums. The chat room here can be particularly difficult, for a variety of reasons. What I find usually works for me -- on this and on other forums -- is to reach out to people whose posts resonate with me. If there's someone that I'm relating to on the boards, I'll leave them a friendly visitor message or, if appropriate, send them a PM. If they relate to me as well and are open to conversation, it'll usually be apparent from their response. It's important, though, to be patient and to not take things personally if communication doesn't progress. But I think that the more you reach out, the more likely it'll be that you'll find some folks that you can start talking with on a more personal (i.e., off the forums) level. I don't know whether any of that helps, but I hope it does!!
  3. "Thank you, Lord." I'm not a Christian, but I grew up in a Christian household, and I've just never been able to shake the habit of saying that phrase whenever something good happens in my life. As for it being my mantra, it just reminds me of the goodness in life, regardless of whatever's going on in that moment. So I use that mantra (and I only use one, in order to keep it simple & automatic): 1. To place a break in any cycle of unhealthy thinking, and 2. To shift my focus entirely away from the negative and onto the positive. Also, as a note for anyone with any spiritual leanings who'd like an in-depth guide to choosing and using mantras, I'd highly recommend "The Mantram Handbook," by Eknath Easwaran. (In fact, I'd highly recommend any book by him.) Hope that helps!!
  4. Hey, just poking my head around the corner. Have a great day!

    1. frangipani


      You too!! Thanks for stopping by!! :D

  5. The half that eliminates you solely based on height, you probably wouldn't want to be with any of them anyway. And out of the other half that doesn't eliminate you, you only need to find ONE of those women to settle down with (that is, if being in a monogamous relationship is what you're looking for). You still have PLENTY of options. Maybe it would help to focus more on the people who are available to you instead of the ones who aren't?
  6. Big hug, frangi! xoxo

  7. Hiya, Sweetness, and to the thread... Wowsers!! You've got a lot going on!! Congratulations on moving into the house with your bf, and I'm sorry that you're not feeling more happy about it. Personally, I'd likely COMPLETELY break down if I had full-time work, grad school, family stress, a recent move, and health issues to contend with all at once. Would it help to take all of that into account and be gentle with yourself and your feelings...maybe even pat yourself on the back for keeping up the fight? Again, our situations have the ability to change at any point. At 33, I hope that you haven't put the idea of having children completely behind you. A friend of mine who's been on meds for a long time recently went off all of them because of a pregnancy...and she's getting through it. Not at all easy, but she's doing it. She plans to go back on them, but she's managing these nine months w/o them. Also, my mother had me when she was 39 (all the way back in the '70s); especially with medical advances since then, I always see childbirth in one's 30s as not being as big a thing as it used to be. So again, I hope that, especially since you love children, you get your chance to have them at some point... Thanks for coming on the thread, Sweetness, and I hope that you keep up with us here. Frangi
  8. (((roseyssassafras)))... I'm sorry that you've never been in a relationship, although they're not always what they seem to be from the outside (i.e., all the lovey-dovey stuff...they can also be near-debilitating emotional rollercoaster rides *sigh*). I'm encouraged, though, that you said you "don't think" it will happen in the future...rather than "it won't" happen in the future. It means that you're NOT fortune-telling (BIG depressive cognitive distortion) and that you're NOT feeling completely hopeless about it (BIG depressive symptom). I don't think that loneliness is something that you or anyone else is stuck with...if only because our situations always have the possibility of changing. I'm glad that you posted on the thread, dear (((rosey))), and I'm sorry that I haven't been keeping up with it regularly. Maybe instead of this being a chit-chat thread or even check-in thread, we can make this into some kind of support thread? I dunno...what do you think, Ms. Rosey??? Frangi
  9. Thank you SO MUCH for posting this video!!! EXCELLENT!!!!! *** As a note, I was much more physically "attractive" years ago than I am now. However, my self-esteem was pretty crappy back then -- thanks, mom and sis and bro, for always putting me down, even when I was in rather "good shape" overall -- and my issues were pretty plentiful back then as well. (Which actually, at least in my case, goes to show that what one sees in the mirror is rarely objective and/or static, but more largely influenced by mental/emotional factors.) Now, especially with the many, many extra pounds that I put on from years of meds, bad eating habits, lack of exercise, etc. -- I look much "worse" than I did, say, in my early 20s. But my self-esteem is actually a whole lot better -- thanks to lots of therapy and tons of self-discovery -- and I feel a whole lot better now about my looks (even though they're generally not considered, in and of themselves, as good as they were before) and about myself overall. Although I'm really not much into looks, I still see a beautiful person in my mirror. Not by society's standards maybe, but by my own standards certainly. And my "beauty" comes from my respect for my individuality, my value of my overall qualities (both inner and outer), and my respect for how my personal story has made me into the person that I am today. Perhaps I see a beautiful person in my mirror today because I already feel like a beautiful person when I'm not in front of any mirror. (Which is exactly the opposite of what life was like for me when I was younger.) One thing that I've realized from personal experience is that when you don't appreciate what you have, you're generally more prone to losing it. If you think that you're heavy now, imagine yourself with 100 extra pounds. (I never appreciated my actual weight before, so it didn't matter to me if I ate more because I was "fat anyway." *sigh* Does that sound familiar to anyone else?) If you don't like your teeth as they are, imagine that you were missing a few of them. And so on. Every time that I say "whatever" and stop caring about a part of me that deserves to be appreciated as it is, it just gets worse on me. It doesn't mean that there aren't things about myself that I wouldn't like to improve, but that fact doesn't make me necessarily hate those things about myself -- or make me hate myself overall -- either. By the way, I wouldn't go as far as to say that my present confidence totally makes up for my lack of certain standards of physical beauty in society's eyes. Maybe that happens for some people, but not for me. And I'm sincerely fine with that. Certain people may never care for me because I lack some quality of "beauty," and to be honest, I probably wouldn't care for them either because I'll consider them to lack some quality of depth. I no longer feel dependent on others' attention and/or praise and/or rejection to determine my view of myself. Instead, it's the other way around, and I focus on who *I* want to give *my* attention, praise, or rejection to, based on *my* standards. If nothing else, my present confidence doesn't automatically change what others may think about me, but it just doesn't let others' opinions about me -- or about anything else, for that matter -- become more important to me than my own. Frangi
  10. Hey there, 30somethings!! This is (yet another) revival of this thread. I WILL NOT LET IT GO!!! Please feel free to hop on and introduce yourselves... Also, I've been really interested lately in hearing all types of relationship-related statuses, stories, challenges, successes, questions, answers, etc., from others in their 30s. I'm not sure whether the above subject is appropriate for here on our "chatty thread" -- although I consider it chatty in name/forum only; I don't mind at all getting deep here (maybe we should just call it a "check-in thread" instead?) -- or whether it would be more (or less) appropriate to start a topic about it in the relationship forum. Please feel free to let me know what you think about that. Mmmm...in the meantime, I'll start: - I'm still Frangi, and I'm still (and always) female. :P - I'm now 36, and I'm still enjoying getting older. (I'm generally glad to have certain experiences now BEHIND me and to have only the knowledge that I gained from them still with me. I've still got tons of things to learn, but I'm thankful for the bits of wisdom that come along with having gotten through a fair amount of life stuff already.) - I'm still on disability, and I'm still on an extended leave of absence from school. - I still have no children, and I still don't want any. I'm also still in the relationship that I mentioned being in a while back. Our one-year anniversary was just last month. The relationship is still unusual, and it still will be for at least the next six years. That is, until my boyfriend gets out of prison... I've mentioned my relationship briefly on the forums before, I started writing about it on my blog (but I've since taken all of my entries down indefinitely), and I'm figuring that the folks in the chat room are getting at least a little tired of hearing about it, but that still only amounts to a relatively small number of people on here knowing about this circumstance of my situation. I'm not at all shy about it nor do I have any other problem with it, although he and I have been having our fair share of problems lately. But that's a whole 'nother story that could fill an entire thread, so I'll just leave it at that for now. In general, though, I've been happy with things. And once our issues get resolved -- very soon, I hope!! -- I'll be happy once again. Life is looking pretty good today. Looking forward to hearing everyone share what's going on with in your lives!!! Frangi
  11. Hi there, TIRE_D, and I'm sorry to hear that you're not experiencing the wonderful effects of DF yet... When I first came to DF five years ago, the experience was a godsend for me. (And it still is!!!) I was drowning in depression, anxiety, and unhealthy behaviors, and I was so relieved to have found a place where I could let everything out and speak to so many others who understood. It also helped that the people here are so open, warm, encouraging, and intelligent...which I've found is not always the case on a lot of other forums out there. Two of my closest friends are folks that I met here shortly after I joined. In many ways, they're closer to me than my best friend of years, even though one of them I've never even met in person (but we Skype all the time). A number of people in my life don't really understand why I spend so much time on the computer and why I don't go out and meet more people in person. I don't feel like talking over the computer is any more or less impersonal than meeting people in person...it's just different. On the one hand, meeting face-to-face gives you a chance to read appearance/body language and to know people's basic details (i.e., their names, where they live, etc.) more readily, but a) we can often read people's looks incorrectly anyway and b) people still maintain a certain measure of privacy even when meeting in person (or especially when meeting in person, perhaps because so much else about them is already out in the open). On the other hand, meeting on a forum gives you a chance to read people's thoughts and feelings (which is VERY personal) and because there's a measure of privacy regarding anonymity, most folks are more open with the other parts of themselves that tend to matter more in terms of forming relationships. Forums, to me, or at least DF in particular, are rather different than social networking sites. I find the social sites to be quite artificial -- Fakebook, anyone? -- maybe, again, because of the need to appear a certain way "in real life." Here and on many other forums, a person generally searches for information anonymously, finds a community of people who are like-minded, and can ease his/her way in and out and around without pressure. I think that that provides an opportunity to form more compatible relationships than what I tend to experience in my local community. If nothing in the above helps, I hope that either of the following might: 1. If you like someone's energy and want to get to know them more, you don't have to wait for them to send you a PM...go ahead and shoot them one yourself!! If there's no response, you don't have to take it personally. And what is "personally" on here anyway?! No one "knows" you!!! ;) 2. You can try to remember that you're not talking to a computer, per se, but you're instead talking to a live person on the other side of the screen. It's like you're not talking to your cell phone, per se, but you're instead talking to a live person on the other end of the line. I hope that something here helps you feel better, TIRE_D, and that you start enjoying the time that you spend here a whole lot more. :) Frangi
  12. Wondering why in the hell I ever came out of my cave... :(

  13. Stopping by to say hello and see how things are going. :hugs:

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