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About modernphilistine

  • Birthday 10/16/1984

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    Worcester, MA
  • Interests
    I love music and writing. Robbie Willams, Morrissey, The Smiths, The Beatles, Mike Viola (with and withouth te Candy Butchers)& Old 97s just to name a few. I write and craft in my spare time and when motivation allows.

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  1. I saw a new psychiatrist last week after my other one suspended her practice and after talking to him for a while he's pretty sure that I've got bipolar disorder. My last Pdoc gave me Wellbutrin and after getting up to 300mg I got much much worse and according to this new doctor that a reaction like that could point to bipolar. I left his office rather annoyed and with a prescription for this Lamotrigine mood stabilizer. I was really put off by the whole thing - like, how could this guy spend an hour with me and all of a sudden have the answer that two previous Pdocs didn't have? So I went home and embarrassingly told my husband what was up - and he was very supportive. I went online and started reading peoples personal stories here and on other websites and honestly, didn't realize how many ways this bipolar disorder can manifest itself. The more I read, the more I understand now that this is something that I have probably had for a much longer time than i realized. The low's of bipolar havent much changed and but I find that the highs can manifest themselves differently and in varying intensities - enough so that I have never drawn any sort of correlation between them when perhaps I should have been. Anyways, what now? When did you guys find out and how did you take it?
  2. I'm currently on a 20mg dose of Prozac and 150mg dose of Wellbutrin and I can't say I've had any complaints yet, but I just started this combination on Monday, and everyone is different.
  3. Hi there. I'm so happy for you that your meds are working! Just wondering if you've experienced any sort of a timeline of side effects with prozac? Since you've now started it twice, are there any side effects that are recurring? I started three weeks ago and had awful side effects. As soon as they would subside, they'd be replaced with new ones. For example, my lack of appetite went away and then I began with insomnia which has now turned into fatigue during the day. I'm wondering what to expect next...or if this is the worst of what to expect. Thanks. the first time around was kinda tough on me - it was the first AD I was ever on. All the side effects were typical (tired, not hungry, drymouth, headaches, lightheadedness, etc) and they did seem to start and stop, one after the other with little or some overlap. They all went away after about 1.5 months.This time around, im just getting some nasty headaches (most ahve gone away with Tylenol) and some late morning tiredness (usually solved with a cup of coffee). Everyone is different but it is probably going to be the worst that you'll experience.
  4. I just restarted Prozac (20mg) on Monday after having not taken it since the begining of last September. Inbetween, I had tried Celexa and Wellbutrin and neither realy did anything for me. In fact the Wellbutrin (@300mg) made me want to well, not exist. In the five days I've been back on the Prozac (with 150mg Wellbutrin) I've felt great - even went for a 6am jog this morning when I'm usually dragging myself to get out of bed at 7. Placebo or not, it feels good to feel good, and that feeling alone is enough to carry you through sometimes. Maybe its just the comfort of remembering how well off I was on the Prozac the first time around that I've got myself acting as if I'm right back to that place. Either way, I don't want to jinx it!
  5. My first two-three sessions were weekly. Then we moved to every otherweek. Generally I'm allowed to dictate the interval, though on occasions when things have been going well for a stretch he'll suggest three weeks. I've never consitatnly stayed at three week intervals because for me, its just too long of a time. My therapist knows it so he'll go back and suggest two weeks. This cycle has been going on for nearly two years now...
  6. Actually, I filled out an application to go back to college today (speaking of long term goals). The school is a bit out of reach based on my most recent scores and transcripts but since I'd be returning to school as a "non-traditional" student, I'm hoping that will increase my chances. Other than that my short term goals are the same as the always are: work out, lose weight, make time for me, work on crafts, read all the books in my book queue. Anyone actaully acheive the goals they set out to meet? I dont seem to be able to get past the list making part....
  7. I tend to binge though I've been on Wellbutrin recently and it's help to curb that a lot. I try to focus long enough to paint or draw and Ill write depressing short stories. Sometimes I'll make a playlist of sad/depressing songs that are good to sing along to. By the time Im done singing along to the playlist i feel better.
  8. So I went with my gut feeling and asked to be put back on Prozac. I picked up perscription last night and (this sounds silly) got this imediate sense of relief - like things will get better. Still on Wellbutrin for a week, but I can't wait to be done with those pills. thanks for all the positive stories on your second time around w/ Prozac!
  9. So I ended up calling my psychiatrist after all yesterday afternoon. After talking to her I'm pretty sure that on the Wellbutrin alone I have been suicidal (i hate that word) so she sent in a perscription for prozac (again). Sent my therapist an email to let him know of the change. I was going to call him, but couldn't figure out a way to have the conversation go without me looking whiney and pathetic. Oh well...hopefully the rest of today goes well. At least I feel like I can make it through a full day of work today unlike yesterday where I had to tearfully force myself not to leave.
  10. Thanks to you both. I guess I just dont want to be asked what I want them to do for me. I feel like i've pushed myself in a corner and I need an instant "fix" and I know they dont have one and I dont expect them to. I dont want it to look like im calling them just to hear myself talk. At he end of my last appointment my therapist asked me if I knew well enough to go to the ER if I have to, but I dont know if I have to and if I do its too expensive and I don't want to be that person who went nuts. Did he just tell me that because he thinks that I'm heading towards a point where he can't help me?
  11. I'm having a particularly horrible day. Feeling really low, stress caused by an unsually large amount of mutitasking here at work has thrown my anxiety into high gear. Thinking about the majority of the reocuring thoughts that bring on depression even if I try not to think about them. Wondering if im suicidal but dont know it, wondering if my entire life is just an act. i want to call my therapist for advice but i'm afraid of wasting his time - afraid that he can't help - afraid that i'm going crazy - feeling like waiting until my next appointment next week isn't an option. Also want to call my psychiatrist - scheduled to call her Wednesday to check in to see if meds need to be changed. I want to call right now. i think i can wait two days but I'm feeling so desperate to feel better. sorry - just needed to see this all written out. i feel like i dont know what im doing anymore.
  12. I feel like this a lot. This is one of the biggest reoccurring issues I find myself trying to address with my therapist. Id be interested in knowing how others get out of this cycle as well because as my therapist likes to remind me - he can't tell me what to do and that I've got to figure that out myself, but i should refer to my CBT workbook and relaxation exercises. Its so aggravating...sometimes it feels like it would be much easier if there was a black and white solution to this, but lately (at least for me) its begun to feel hopeless.
  13. I actually tried to be a bit proactive by photocopying some of my most recent journal entries and giving them to my therapist during my most recent session. Ive doen it before but without consistancy. He then scans them and asks questions and we got things off to a much better start than usual. I can talk about things...I just cant bring things up cause I feel like im making a problem out to be bigger than it is. Ive written things down that I want to address during a session and handed it to him for him to read so that we can address something. without a lot of forethought too.
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