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silenthunder

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  1. its still something. sometimes its about the baby steps? I know thats cliche but some days I can't accomplish anything but the stuff that I think I 'should' be doing anyways. some days it seems like a colossal effort/accomplishment to brush my teeth.
  2. anniversaries are hard. it may seem like they are insensitive/stupid for bringing it up in a way that may seem like its painful for you - but its hard to bring it up in any other way. I say try to focus on the idea that someone cares maybe?
  3. feel pathetic. and hopeless. am a 40 year old male who is almost finished nursing school - go to school with a bunch of young 20somethingish people. was at a pub with them after an exam and some of them were talking about going to a club on friday and then asked me while laughing as a joke and didn't even wait to hear me answer. I feel like I don't fit anywhere. I keep trying new things and keep having careers not work out (i also have a foreign degree in medicine and a masters in public health) . I am able to get past feeling pathetic and hopeless most of the time by focusing on the things I am grateful for - but its hard when you start to see the cycle of failure repeating itself. I'll get past this but really just wanted an outlet to vent.
  4. I was trying to find a site with mindfulness exercises - but most of what i was finding were just meditation exercises - which is good too - but its not really descriptive of what I was mentioning before that involves dealing with your emotions. The dbt site that Fizzle posted has a couple of good exercises to try here: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/letting_go.html scroll to the part where it talks about letting go of painful emotions. see if you can try and of the exercises below it. (dbt is a little bit different than mindfulness - it incorporates mindfulness in specific ways for specific reasons but I won't get into thata here - there are many different types of mindfulness like ACT / RFT etc - but they all basically involve mindfulness and trying to just observe something in order to try and be okay with letting it go.
  5. use this as proof that you still have work to do in your therapy. also use this as proof that you have made progress in your therapy - you might have had a very different response to this before therapy. It seems like you are taking this in stride. I don't want it to seem like I am suggesting you are not in pain - clearly the event described was of note for you - but I think you dealt with it very well. The next bit is merely a suggestion - and perhaps talk to your therapist about it. It seems as if there are several things about your experience that poked at your emotions - have you ever thought of using mindfulness when dealing with these things that 'poke' at your emotions - or even to deal with the emotions themselves? (this is only a suggestion because I find mindfulness is a very mixed bag - some people have great results with it -some people find it ridiculous - others try it and have it not do much - and then come back to it and find it more effective - or find it more effective with practise) Thank you for posting your experience here and sharing with us. It helps me to read about other people sorting out strong emotional responses and comparing it to my own :) ST
  6. If you start throwing wedding cake please take a video. JK :) speak to your friend you are rooming with. You are clearly ruminating alot. I dunno about you but when I ruminate enough the only thing it does is generate more stress. I try to trick myself into thinking I'm running scenarios in my head to somehow 'prepare' myself for eventualities - but it really just is stressing myself out. If your friend is still weird then thats really all you can do - and you can always just avoid him if hes being weird. its only a weekend. you can handle it. as for dealing with peopel asking you about life, your current dating etc. I get this a lot. I have found myself avoiding certain things because of it - but the discomfort of talking to people about it doesn't last. At least not for me. I sometimes also notice the other person becomes awkward when they realise they're being an ass by asking questions about a touchy subject. You can handle it - especially if the alternative is not attending. I know if it was me I would have regrets about not attending a friends wedding. after the weekend is over give yourself a reward for a job well done. and then slash your ex's tires ok maybe not that last bit. ST
  7. your nom de plume is 'sad canuck' on here - so I assume you are canadian. have you seen a therapist? (psychiatrists often don't have the time to see people for regularly sscheduled therapy appointments - although some do) if you can't afford a therapist - look around to see if there are any "GP psychotherapist"s around - they bill the provincial health insurance so you dont need private insurance. A good therapist can help you narrow down what your 'sticking points' are in your life. You still need to put all the work in - but taking on depression on your own can be daunting and frustrating. ST>
  8. What are you dong to alleviate symptoms of depression? It sounds like you have a bunch driving you to feel miserable. I aslk this because when I feel like life is miserable I don't feel like any of my interests are interesting anymore and I stop "living' . I also wanted to point out something about working a job whether it be corporate or otherwise. Its not necessarily selling out to do what you don't want to. Sometimes you do it to sacrifice for the things you want to do. I never considered corporate before because I didn't feel like it was really " helping people" (I am trained on health professions) Unfortunately the world being what it is S I can't do what I want anymore and corporate is the only option right now. I reconcile this within me by telling myself this is what I do to survive but what I do with the rest of my time (volunteering with mental health agencies) is what I do to LIVE. One thing that has helped me is by focusing on figuring out the things I want out of life then reminding myself of this. I still feel miserable but habit more in control. I hope you come back and read some of these posts and that you get to feeling better
  9. lexapro/cipralex is basicaly a modified version of citalopram - but you can have a more potent dosage (on paper it actually looks like a smaller dosage - but the equivalence is higher when compared to citalopram). that being said if citalopram isn't working you may wanna start a new med since you're not getting results. I know that your fears include having to wait for a new drug to 'kick in' but some drugs don't take months to 'kick in'.
  10. You seem to have a lot going on. One thing I found a little odd was that the title of your post is 'new and trying to dig out of this without medicine' - but then you didn't comment on why you're doing this without medicine? is it because you've had bad experiences in the past with them, or that you are ethically inclined not to. Its no wonder you feel in turmoil - with no diagnosis and so much going on in your life. One other thing I just wanted to point out is : your mother dying is not a source of depression persey - its 'grief' - which is a seperate beast altogether. imho : grief is not a pathology - its something that you work through and is a natural part of life. Depression is something completely seperate. I can see why you might think of them together though since emotionally they exhibit very similar symptoms. If your psychologist is having trouble diagnosing you - then how are they able to treat you? I would say find a better psychologist/psychiatrist. Without a diagnosis there can't really be a treatment. (it would be like me giving you antibiotics without knowing what was wrong with you - its just shooting in the dark) I know it probably seems confusing and all topsy turvy right now. It sounds like you need to focus on one thing and make that one thing better before you tackle all your other problems. I would strongly suggest reaching out to someone for help - and if that person isn't helping reach out to someone else (health provider, therapist, psychologist etc - or even a really good friend). I hope you keep posting here, and that you get something out of posting here - even if its just the connection you get from being in contact with others.
  11. I find your comments very supportive and inspiring. sexism and other forms of discrimination are rampant throughout society and are sometimes hidden in things we take for granted. A friend of mine is looking at applying to social work as a profession and recently voiced concerns about being one of the only men in the program he is looking at. I thought it interesting that he brought this up - its something I don't think i would have considered - but its clearly something he is thinking about. And when I mentioned it to another friend who works in social work she said its a definite thing to be considered - and its something that shes seen in the way people have been promoted in the non-profit she works in. Its something I was completely unaware of - and realize that my perception as someone outside of the situation makes me unlikely to 'see' the issue. It made me realise this is probably true for many other issues as well. so how does one deal with all of that? Your suggestions of 'accepting it in learning how to deal with it in a way that doesn't put myself at risk (emotionally, etc' is a really good start. I've been struggling with some of that in my own life after dealing with a lot of things in my life that I feel 'arent fair' etc. After I accepted that lots of things that 'arent fair' happen in the world - and YES EVEN TO ME! then alot of the frustration and sadness I was feeling dissipated and it allowed me to move on with my life. Your comments about not being able to help everyone you come into contact with ring very true with me. I have experience in the health professions. Many of the people you come into contact with , no matter waht you do, can't be helped. You give them the same respect and same opportunities you give everyone else - but need to learn where to draw the line and seperate yourself - JUST LIKE YOU SAID! I originally felt a little jaded and 'dirty' when I was doing this. But then I realised its just the way things have to be. thank you for your post - it was a well needed bright spot in my day.
  12. There are a lot of very interesting things you mentioned in your post. I like that you mention how you want to make friends but you also mention "being screwed over so many tiems theres no-one to trust" Sounds like you have a bit of a problem there - you might want to bring that up with your therapist. One symptom of depression is isolating yourself. You have recognized that you do this sometimes. Recognizing this is good - but also let yourself digest it and just move one. Its just another in a long list of symptoms. Many have mentioned how its easier to get a social life at other points in your life. There is some truth to that, but I kind of also feel like its just an excuse. If you live in an isolated area with few people then you might have a problem. you didn't mention this - so I'm assuming you don't live in an isolated area. So the next thing you need to do is make friends with people. This involves developing some social skills that you claim that you don't have. I think you do - you had some before (at least enough to attract some person who faked a pregnancy). And the really good thing to know is that developing social skills is easy. I've uprooted myself a few times in my life. The art to making friends in new places was as simple as : 1. be around people 2. It helps if you have some common interests to talk about 3. spend time with the same people repeatedly 4. don't spend time with people who pi** you off or you find boring. You have to like being around the people and they have to like being around you 5. don't make excuses as to why you can't do any of this the last step is the hard one and the one that keeps us from making more friends. Sometimes we decide we have enough friends and we need to spend time on other things - and that is a time management issue. For most people another problem is : where do I meet people? This is where those common interests come in that might help. Might be people at work? maybe join a class or sport to meet people? I did that when I decided to pick up and transfer universities. Now later in life I find myself thinking that a few more friends would be helpful. So I volunteered and met some new people there. Making friends is a lot of work. I say these steps are easy - but your brain will come up with lots of excuses as to why you can't do certain things - or about why this won't work. These are things you might want to bring up with your therapist if you are tripping over them. The biggest hurdle for me is getting myself to do the work.
  13. Oh, no doubt. Get bullied more often, and your worldview would become the opposite.....no matter how strong or optimistic you try to be. You've been fortunate enough to be able to get away from the bullying before it f*cked up your worldview. I've read through this thread and I find it very interesting - but I also have noticed that there are a lot of ASSUMPTIONS being thrown about. Above there is an ASSUMPTION that someone simply hasnt been through enough negative events in their life to have messed up their worldview. How do we know they weren't? and why is there an assumption that someone who was incessantly bullied or any other type of very negative action is doomed to never experience any positive emotions? This viewpoint is something I am commenting on because it is a flaw in the argument presented. There is a terrible assumption here that all people will react the same way when presented with the same conditions. The problem with this argument is there is a huge amount of information to the contrary. This forum is proof that many people live through horrendous conditions AND STILL have the ability to find joy in life. And it can't be as simple as "well they haven't gone through ENOUGH horrible conditions to be affected yet" Many people in here lament over their inability to deal with their current living conditions - and one source of their misery is that they see others who have experienced the exact same events in their life and they have thrived. And the difference between these two people is not simple. And this isn't about there being a 'right' thing to feel after going through these conditions - Different people simply have different perceptions, motivations, and desires. there are MANY people out there who live through terrible awful things - and somehow come through all of it with a very even keel. I am dumbfounded by how they are able to live through these awful things without becoming terribly jaded and bitter about the situation. One thing that attracts me to this forum is seeing people who experience a great deal of misery in their lives and still manage to pick themselves up and move on. All of them have a very unique story and no two of them are really the same.
  14. are you getting any help for the issues that you are facing? No one needs to face these problems alone - and I noticed loneliness is a constant theme throughout your posts. There are people and places you can reach to for help. Admitting you might be able to use help and seeking out help are not things to be ashamed or guilty of - I think they are a sign of strength. You also sounds like you really, really need to learn how to forgive yourself. People make mistakes. Forgiving yourself doesn't have to mean letting go of the responsibility of things you have done - Forgiveness is a way to say "this is something I have done, and something I am living with - but something that I can also move past and build upon"
  15. I don't want to discourage you from making your own group - but there are some pitfalls to both attending and running a support group. i attended a support group for years before I decided to stop attending due to the negative effects. I stopped attending mainly because people showed up to complain. They complained every week. They complained about the same thing every week. They complained about some new things between weeks. One lady made a LIST of things so she remembered to complain about them!! They were very negative in their view points and also were pessimistic when you talked about your OWN life. I don't want to seem judgmental or not empathetic. I felt guilty for resenting some of these people for doing it - but eventually I noticed i was leaving the group feeling really bad because I would somehow absorb their negativity (if that makes any sense) Some of the people who show up to meetings are very judgmental. They will discuss things from the news and the community and have no sense of restraint with their criticisms of what they see going on around them. This includes people who are critical of certain races/religions/politics etc - you'll need to figure out how to regulate this. If your group is open to everyone - you are going to get people from all walks of life. you may get people show up under the influence of alcohol, drugs etc. You may get people who are 'in crisis' and saying a lot of scary things about hurting themselves - and this may put you in a situation where you need to figure out how to handle that (call 911? ) <- this happened at a group I attended and there was much debate afterwards about whether the 'right' thing was done. If you are the one making the group and facilitating... then you have to GO..... every meeting (this might sound silly of me to mention - but even if you don't feel like it you have to show up for all the other peopel who will show up) of course this isa positive too - because it will force you to show up even when you don't feel like it. again - there are lots of positives - but I wanted to list some negatives so you know that there are some. There are also some positive people who show up and brighten your day whenever they're around. I run a self-help group that is centred on CBT now - so I have a way of making sure that the rumination and complaining doesn't happen in my group. And its a positive an wonderful thing that keeps me happy that I run it - but its also a lot of work. good luck ST.
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