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Weeding

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  1. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  2. In a little while from now If I'm not feeling any less sour I promise myself to treat myself And visit a nearby tower And climbing to the top will throw myself off In an effort to make it clear to who Ever what it's like when you're shattered Left standing in the lurch at a church Where people saying: "My god, that's tough She's stood him up" No point in us remaining We may as well go home As I did on my own Alone again, naturally To think that only yesterday I was cheerful, bright and gay Looking forward to well who wouldn't do The role I was about to play But as if to knock me down Reality came around And without so much, as a mere touch Cut me into little pieces Leaving me to doubt Talk about God and His mercy Or if He really does exist Why did He desert me in my hour of need I truly am indeed Alone again, naturally It seems to me that there are more hearts Broken in the world that can't be mended Left unattended What do we do? What do we do? Alone again, naturally Now looking back over the years And whatever else that appears I remember I cried when my father died Never wishing to hide the tears And at sixty-five years old My mother, God rest her soul, Couldn't understand why the only man She had ever loved had been taken Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken Despite encouragement from me No words were ever spoken And when she passed away I cried and cried all day Alone again, naturally Alone again, naturally Alone Again Naturally - Gilbert O'Sullivan
  3. The advice is very much appreciated. I feel that I should consult a counsellor, as in my current psychological condition it will be a struggle to make it to the end of the month. My only reservation is revealing personal issues to a total stranger. I've done this once before and it was used as a way to insult me.
  4. The song that best reflects my feelings now: Help by The Beatles Help! I need somebody, Help! Not just anybody, Help! You know I need someone, Help! When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody’s help in any way, But now these days are gone and I’m not so self assured, Now I find I’ve changed my mind I’ve opened up the doors. Help me if you can, I’m feeling down, And I do appreciate you being around, Help me get my feet back on the ground, Won’t you please please help me? And now my life has changed in oh so many ways, My independence seems to vanish in the haze, But every now and then I feel so insecure, I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before. Help me if you can, I’m feeling down, And I do appreciate you being around, Help me get my feet back on the ground, Won’t you please please help me? When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody’s help in any way, But now these days are gone and I’m not so self assured, Now I find I’ve changed my mind I’ve opened up the doors. Help me if you can, I’m feeling down, And I do appreciate you being around, Help me get my feet back on the ground, Won’t you please please help me? Help me. Help me. Hope this thread isn't inappropriate in any way.
  5. Just wanted to say welcome to the forum!

  6. Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Friendlyone, My brothers have improved immensely over the years, and no longer exhibit the violent behaviour that they once did. However, neither of them speaks to me anymore - they quite literally haven't said a word to me in four years despite us living in the same house. I am a self-taught writer, and have always been extremely academic. This is a positive quality but it has never worked in my favour. By "doing something with my life" I mean that I'm attending college now, when from 12-16 I justs stared into blank space contemplating how ****ed up I was. But the suicidal feelings and depression have actually worsened. Of course, I do want to improve my current predicament and I'm trying to, but nothing I do seems to rectify whatever "it" is inside of me. Nothing really brings me joy of any sort and I'm essentially despondent.
  7. I'm a 16 year old guy from the UK who suffers from extreme depression. It's painful to wake up and face the world every morning, and yet at the same time my sleep is inconsistent and plagued with nightmares. Scarcely a moment goes by where I'm not in the depths of despair. I had a very, very traumatic childhood. My father was an alcoholic who was drunk 99% of the time, my mother was and is an extremely anxious and depressed woman who had several mental breakdowns when I was young. I remember the arguments my parents would have in the middle of the night, screeching the most damning insults at one another. Our family has moved around a lot, and I've lived in some pretty run down places, so I've never had the chance to make friends or really feel that I belonged anywhere. I've always been the outsider, despised and shunned. My brothers (6 and 4 years older than me respectively) were emotionally effected by all of this and started beating the living s*** out of me when I was 5 or so. They also verbally abused me, using me as a scapegoat for pretty much everything that went wrong be it losing on a video game or internet down time. I was pretty much a designated punching bag for them to take out their tantrums and aggression on. At school I was extremely unhappy. The other students, particularly in secondary school, absolutely hated me and did everything within their power to make my life a living hell. The bullying that they subjected me to was ruthless and emotionally devastating, but it hardened me, and now I'm so cold (on the exterior that is) that I frighten people - even grown men are afraid of me. Said bullying led me to subsequently drop out of education altogether, leading to the darkest period of my life - 4 years in a darkened room with nothing but my thoughts. My family never spoke to me, checked on me, or otherwise gave a s***, and I had no friends or aquaintances. We were/are poor as dirt so I had no hobbies that I could pursue. For four years it was literally me and my already warped mind. Looking inward really ****ed me up. But now that I'm doing something with my life, the demons still haunt me. I do everything that I'm supposed to but I'm bleeding inside. Everyone that has tried to help me has failed and suicide no longer seems an act of desperation, but rather it seems the logical way to escape from whatever it is inside of me that makes me hurt the way I do. Anyway, I can't really think of anything else to add to that. I just wanted to tell people the way I feel. Thanks for reading.
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