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abe lincoln

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About abe lincoln

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    Boston, USA

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  1. Thanks for the response. Any tips on specifically how to do that?
  2. The Depression I mean. I know that sounds crazy. But the fact that I can suddenly feel OK, and think "*** is that? How can I be that sad and depressed and now feel fine? And how do I prevent that terrible thing from happening again? Wait, I can't??? I'm just going to randomly have these feelings that I want to die, and then feel bad about having them? And guilt myself since I have kids and what kindof person would contemplate hurting himself when he has 2 loving and great kids? And then it will just happen all over again?" F- me.
  3. I've been in therapy for initially OCD which evolved into depression as I tried to deal with my past. A recent therapist said I had some ADD issues to, which he seems to be correct about. He gave me a script for Adderall. I take it as needed but I must say it's far more helpful to me with my depression. My depression is an on and off thing. If I can interrupt it after the first day or two by taking adderall throughout the day it really helps pull me out if it. A day on adderall, I get so much more done and 'want' to do all the things that I don't want to when I'm depressed. It's extremely helpful for me and I just wanted to share that.
  4. I've found adderall to help
  5. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  6. I was given some interesting insight into myself and OCD in therapy recently and I thought I'd share. Basically, my therapist said that for people with OCD, when we feel anxiety, we feel the need to do something about it. We can't just feel the anxiety and let it go away. Unfortunately, a lot of times, when we feel anxiety, it's in regards to something that we can't do anything about, or shouldn't do anything about. For example, I sometimes feel anxious that our national debt is out of control. But what the hell can I really do about it? Nothing. Or, lets say I feel anxious about my job, but my job is such that right now I need to just wait for things to play themselves out as management gets reorganized. I'm stuck. I can't do anything. So I get anxious about my anxiety. And then it's a spiral of getting more and more anxious. Just thinking about this was enough to help me break the spiral the first couple days after therapy. But like most insights into my issues, it's lost some of it's potency to affect my actual symptoms. So, I don't know how to counter the need to do, but I guess it's a step in the right direction.
  7. Hi - I'm here to say that I'm an intrusive thought 'survivor' and thought I'd chime in with my own personal experience. I've had intrusive thoughts ranging from violence to embarrassing behavior or the need to say something stupid. The most difficult thing with them is that they are self-perpetuating. When you react strongly to them, it tends to make them come back, or not go away. They can be terrible ideas with the most heinous things, but you don't want to be thinking them. They aren't you, they are chemical mis-fires and just the brain's occasional awful tendencies toward self-destruction. When you have these thoughts, do your best to accept them for what they are and let them float away. Don't try to examine them, don't try to figure out why they're happening, don't try to look for patterns, don't do anything but remain calm and passive. Most importantly, don't feel guilty for having them. Even smile, since that tends to relieve stress. The more tense you get, the more the thoughts will hold power over you and keep coming back. I would strongly suggest yoga and then meditation as a holistic way to overcome these thoughts. When you learn how to breathe for relaxation and release your muscles, your brain often follows suit. Best of luck, feel free to ping me with any questions. -abe
  8. I appreciate the sentiment of this email however, I would question whether or not most of these people really have suffered from OCD. The term is thrown around pretty often these days. For example, I could see Jessica Alba saying "I'm so OCD about working out". Now, perhaps she does have full blown OCD, but my point is, there is a huge distinction from people who have to check a lock 10 times before leaving a house , or, say, only using their right leg and always exhaling when stepping over a crack in the pavement or line in a floor (my personal worst ritual when my sickness was at it's worst), and being a little obsessive about something. The only reason I bring this up is because it can minimize how devastating this sickness can be. Someone who may be a little germ-o-phobic is a far cry from someone who can barely get through the day because of repeated, dehabilitating, socially-unaccepted rituals.
  9. Hey CD- I don't have panic, but I've had anxiety/OCD for a long time. I can't speak too much about meds; I take wellbutrin & luvox and a very small dose of klonopin every once in a while. I think they help, but really can't be sure. I was wondering if you've ever done any yoga or meditation? Yoga has been really helpful for me. It tires you out, at the same time calming your mind. you can do it in your home with tapes/dvds though I would say a class is better. But it's worth giving a shot. I would recommend 'hatha' yoga which spends a lot of time on breathing work. It's amazing what controlling your breath can do for your mind. Once you can get out again, I would recommend wind-sprints. Not fun, but they can be painful enough that they completely take your mind off of worry, and tire you out. Again, I don't suffer from panic, my anxiety is more like a constant choppy ocean where I imagine a panic sufferer is more like a tsunami. But these things have helped me over the years, and I hope they help you. Feel free to shoot me a question if you need to. Hang in there- Abe
  10. Hi everyone, I very much have suffered from existential depression, mostly in college. It hits me now and then nowadays, but I came to something of a revelation at some point in the misery. Asking 'What's the point?', 'Where do I fit in?' and questions like that are as pointless as the answers. First of all, you can never give a fair answer when asking this about yourself, since being depressed, you have a very negative view of yourself. Secondly, the reality is, the only point of existence is what you make it. What is my cat's point of existence? Eat and sleep and play. But it doesn't bother him because he doesn't dwell on it. Don't get me wrong, I know how difficult it can be to try not to think of these thing, but really, dwelling on them does no good. A very interesting read for folks in this topic is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. It's about a psychologist who was put in the concentration camps of the holocaust. he developed a psychological theory which is basically about everyone's personal meaning in their life. Another interesting thing to look into is 'traditional' buddhism. From what I've read, seems buddha was very existentially depressed, which is why he invented his religion. I'm not a buddhist, but I find some of the ideas of buddhism very interesting and helpful at times. Meditation and yoga help to quiet the brain so you can stop thinking about the questions that have no answers. Finally, I would suggest comedy and animals. Comedy can help you laugh away some of the major questions of life. It may seem callous, but it really isn't. It's not the responsibility of any one human to figure out the meaning of life, or even live some uber-meaningful existence. And its impossible for people who get depressed by it (like me). Also, I've found working with animals and having pets helps too since they're so blissfully unaffected by it. When you find yourself dwelling on 'the questions', try to stop for a while. It's clear they disappoint and depress you, so thinking about them is a downward cycle. Doesn't mean you can't ever think about them since that's unrealistic, and anytime you say 'can't' you mind will rebel. But only give yourself 10 minutes at a time. Or even better, save a half hour every night to wonder about existence, and then journal about it. But only a half hour. The times that I really get hit by these thoughts is when I think about the nasty state of the world with people starving and fighting. But unfortunately, it really has almost always been like this. The world is cruel, and it's way too big to try to fix (dispite what people say about 1 person making a real difference). It's not your fault people are starving, and if you had any real power to help, you would. Give some money to Kiva or some such organization and don't think about it. Good luck gals and guys. I know I've been where you are and visit every now and again. Hope this post helps.
  11. Anyone have this happen to them? I probably haven't had to do any real rituals for 10 years, but my obsessive thinking is still something i live with all the time. It puts me in a weird place. I'm immensely grateful that the rituals are gone, but I still live with a good chunk of misery.
  12. Hi runner. We're on the same page. I too have tried most of the medications, and I agree about depression and anxiety being symptoms of OCD. I also know the feeling of the pain making life seem not really worth it. I'm not in danger of hurting myself, but have been in the past, and hopefully won't be again in the future. One interesting thing I've found as a 'survivor' of OCD is that the compulsions went away but my obsessive thinking didn't. Which leaves me in a strange place. I don't technically have OCD anymore since I'm not doing any of the awful rituals I was before, but I still have times where I cannot stop thinking about something no matter how much I try. Actually, that's not accurate. I can stop thinking about it with effort and some of the techniques I've learned, but as soon as I start doing something else, the feeling of anxiety comes back and the worry sits at the edge of consciousness. It makes me feel defective, isolated and emasculated. The latter, since being a worrier as a man is a pretty stigma'd weakness. ps Does 'OCDRunner' refer to actual running as in jogging? I was going to start a new thread about that, how for me, I've always been fit and an athlete, but I've never been able to run long distance because when I run, all I can think about is any pain or discomfort that I'm feeling. Most other cardio I'm ok with for some reason.
  13. I've never really dealt with my mouth being dry, but had a similar situation a while back which made me realize I needed therapy. I got very drunk one night and got sick. Had a two day hangover which was something I had never had before and became paranoid about it. I also felt stupid and guilty about it which didn't help letting go. To make a long story short, my stomach bothered me for about 2 months. During that time I worked with a great doctor and he finally suggested, without being insulting, that it might be psychosomatic (it was in my head). Turns out, it was. Now, your issue may be in your head and may not, but either way, you've done all you can to get it fixed by going to the dr's and dentist. So most likely it is a symptom of your worry. What I would suggest is a technique called 'thought stopping'. PM me for a link that is a pretty good discussion of the technique. Another is that you wear an rubber band around your wrist and lightly snap it against your wrist when you realize you're obsessing about your mouth being dry, and think about something else or nothing. This is a common technique that works for a lot of people. Ironically, it doesn't work that great for me :) So what I have tried to do over the years is become better at meditation and living in the moment. Yoga, meditation and other mindful activities teach you techniques to quiet your mind and stop you from holding on to particular thoughts. I've found Hatha yoga is the best for this, they really emphasize breathing and keeping your mind focused on what you're doing. Feel free to ask me any questions about it if you're interested. Hang in there.
  14. darc- wow, that's terrible. Good to hear they're under control to a degree. I have a friend who has epilepsy and went on the Boston Walk for Epilepsy last month. I know how tough and scary a condition it can be. I've had my obsessions for most of my life, and I've been actively dealing with them for about the past 10 years (medication, therapy, etc.) It seems that I have techniques that work for a short time, but then lose their effectiveness. By techniques I mean cognitive stuff similar to the process you go through when you reason out the worries and deal with them that way. For me, it's very much a cyclical thing with my worries getting bad, and then I'm forced to find something to deal with them, then they subside for a while, and then, after my guard goes down they come back. It seems that by now, I should be able to stop that cycle, but it just doesn't happen that way, unfortunately. I've come to accept the obsessions as a part of who I am, tho I often rage and complain about them (see original post :) ). I've become a firm believer in personality types as being part of who we are. And I am an obsessive and I have to deal with it. And sometimes that's too much. Thankfully, it's not all the time. MEZ- God, I hope I get published someday. But I haven't quit my day job, and I won't unless I do get published. The chances are slim, but I've never tried to follow a dream before. So I'm doing it, but using a measured approach. I'm not that much of a risk taker, ya know? ;) -abe
  15. Hi MEZ, Thanks for the response and the compliments. Actually I DO write, it's my main hobby. I'm working on a novel that I'm actually almost done with. It's been about 6 years in the making and I'm looking forward to finishing it. I used to journal more than I do now. Not sure why I don't do it as much any more. I have my old journals and they're kindof just a bitc#fest. Which is fine, I was never writing in them to keep a diary or anything. But it's something I should maybe consider starting up again. Still, it's really nice to have feedback on the journal entries, which is what these forums are good for, among other things. -abe
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