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alonelystar

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About alonelystar

  • Birthday 01/25/1989

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  1. I hope you have a fabulous day! ღ Lindsay

    1. alonelystar

      alonelystar

      Thank you! You too!

  2. Happy Birthday :)

  3. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  4. Thanks. There's a YMCA 10 minutes away from me, so I'll try a summer membership to start and see what happens.
  5. Thank you. I guess it is a great thing that I'm still in school but your right; I do need to deal with my issues from the past as well as current issues. I'm still making phone calls to find someone who will see me, and have expanded my search area. I'm going to see what I can do to get a day or half day off, such as asking if I can have a weekday off if I come in on a Saturday. Thanks for replying, I'll continue to update on my condition and progress as well.
  6. After years of depression, I thought I had found an antidepressant (bupropion XL 300) that was working but after 5 or 6 months it seems to no longer be working. The best way to describe what I feel right now, is empty, somewhat emotionless 40% of the time and when I do feel emotions the other 60% of time, its a deep sadness or anxiety, as well as hopelessness. It seems to have become physical as well as I have this feeling that my chest is being pressed down to the point where I can't take a deep breath, and hurts like I'm heartbroken. The emotionless feeling is like my mind is trying to learn to shut off emotions as a way to stop feeling deeply sad and lonely, but I'm still depressed as I can't be happy or really laugh (it's mostly forced when I do) anymore, as well as being emotionless is depressing in itself. My mind is constantly cycling through negative thoughts and memories that no matter what i do to stop/block them, they continue. Also I seem to be losing interest in the things that I used to like doing again, and easily bored. The only thing my current antidepressant is doing at this point is making me become more irritable. and easily irritated which have led to panic attacks in the last 2 months (which I didn't have when the med was working at its best). I'm afraid to go down this path again. I started doing horribly in school to the point of failing a class, and was close to just wanting to drop out, as well as losing all but one friend, but we barely speak or hang out anymore as she is tired of my depression. What little social life I began to have when I entered college 3 years ago has completely gone away. It's almost like I would rather be alone than deal with people, but being lonely doesn't help the depression either. My family is tired of it as well and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. My negative self image has also returned but at a more intense level since I gained 70lbs pounds last year as well as more insecurities. I now hate looking into mirrors since they have led to panic attacks as I feel like my face and body are just plain disgusting to look at (too long of a history of being the ugly kid in grade school and at home to explain at the moment). But what scares me the most is that during my past battle with depression (before I was on my current med), I was having suicidal thoughts that led to a 3 day hospital stay last summer. I'm really afraid that those thoughts might return and I'm not sure what to do to make sure that they do not return. I have been trying to find a Psychiatrist to change meds as my old nurse practitioner is no longer prescribing my meds, or at least a counselor to talk to, but here is the problem. I just started a summer internship that's Monday through Friday from 9am to 5pm for the next 11 weeks and there is probably no way I can ask for time off for an appointment. Eventually I went to my regular doctor, the day before my internship started, for help finding a Psychiatrist after the 8 closest mental/psych health clinics/practices were either booked for at least the next 3 months or were not taking new patients as they are currently full. She gave me a list of leads that i can try. She told me that there has been a shortage of Psychiatrist and Counselors in the area, and that I need to find a way to get a day or at least half a day off, as their really isn't a psychiatrist/counselor that has weekend or before 9am and after 5pm appointments. I'm not sure what to do anymore at this point. Do you have any advise that can help? Is there someone out there who has dealt with reoccurring depression and has found a way to manage it? (Sorry that this post is so long but I feel that I need to give this much detail to better explain the situation.)
  7. I have never tried SNRI's but I will ask about them during my next appointment. Thanks.
  8. Mid April, my old nurse practitioner had increased my dose of the Bupropion XL from 150 to 300. After discussing some bad side effects I had in the past on 150 XL (see http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/Str...-Xl-t44782.html for more info), I decided to stay on the XL and ride out the side effects. She also upped the dose to XL 300 and added Prozac (stopped the Prozac after 5 days when the symptoms I had from being on the generic Celexa came back such as being very tired). The following week, the extreme irritability/anxiety went away, the end of the "honeymoon" phase I guess, but now after being on the XL 300 for 6 weeks, I feel "flat" and "dull" with almost no emotions. I remember when I was first on Bupropion, SR version, months ago from October to the end of February, I felt "energized", very productive, and no longer depressed; but after it started to feel like it was starting to no longer work as well as it only working for half the day, I went on the XL version at 150mg in March. After a few initial and troublesome symptoms, they went away when I started on XL 300mg in April. Now I feel as if I have no emotions and flat with a low mood, like I'm slipping back into anhedonia, which I basically had from December 2008 to October 2009. The energizing effect of Bupropion went away in April when I started XL 300 and has not come back. Is this a sign that the depression is coming back, or that the Bupropion no longer works? I really don't want to try SSRI's again as they did not work for me in the past. The nurse practitioner I had no longer works for my school's counseling office so I need to find a new doctor to prescribe medication. I run out of the prescription for XL 300 in 2 months. Any tips on what I should do? Is the "numb" feeling on the XL normal?
  9. Thanks! That's great that you have found a combo of meds that work for you. I have an appointment next week and plan to ask about going back to SR 100mg but possibly try taking it every 12 hours vs just once a day since SR can be taken twice a day.
  10. Three weeks ago I stopped taking Bupropion SR 100 (generic for Wellbutrin) because I ran out of my prescription and procrastinated (I was really busy with school papers and assignments) on making an appointment with my nurse practitioner. So for 2 weeks I was off of the Bupropion SR. I noticed I didn't have the same level of energy and felt pretty low but not nearly as bad as my depression had been months before. When I finally had an appointment with my nurse practitioner a week ago, I told her I had been off of the Bupropion SR for 2 weeks. We started discussing whether I should try Bupropion XL, since I felt that the SR version didn't last through the day. She originally prescribed the SR 100 to be taken once a day in the morning even though when I search online I find that the SR is suppose to be taken twice a day but I didn't bring up my concern that maybe I should try taking SR twice a day based on online research during our discussion (since I'm not the doctor). After our discussion she prescribed me Bupropion XL 150, which I had been on before for a short period of time but stopped due to insomnia. Now after a week of being on XL 150 I feel extremely irritable and the littlest issues drive me nuts. I also seem to be very anxious, and feel like I'm "jumping off the walls" in terms of energy and emotions. I'm also having insomnia again. The SR 100 had similar symptoms but not to this extreme. But what is really bothering me is that first, yesterday I felt extremely bored to the point of having anhedonia, which I experienced almost continuously for nearly 7 months last year. The anhedonia and extreme boredom were worst than the depression itself. I couldn't find joy from anything and everything (even the things I once enjoyed) were beyond boring, and after months of no longer feeling that "extreme boredom", It started back up again yesterday mid-afternoon as if I had crashed from an extreme high to an extreme low. The second thing that is bothering me and is cause for concern is that after coming back from my classes today I re-crashed into a deep depression that I hadn't experienced since last year. I cried for a good hour over several issues I'm having at at the moment and past problems, and felt extremely sad and angry for about 4 hours. I took Clonazepam .5mg hours ago for the anxiety and irritability but it seemed to make the crash worse, but the Clonazepam has never made feel depressed before. I feel calmer now but I'm not sure whether being off the Bupropion SR for two weeks or if it is the XL that is causing me to crash into a deep depression and "extreme boredom" mid-day. I have a follow up appointment with the nurse practitioner in another 2 weeks and I'm thing about asking to switch back to to the SR 100 and maybe bring up taking the SR twice a day (two SR 100mg per day, each twelve hours apart) instead of just once a day so that it would last throughout the day. By no means am I trying to be the doctor, It's just that it seems weird that the nurse practitioner would prescribe me SR to be taken once a day instead of twice a day when it says on many websites that SR should be taken twice a day. What do you think I should do? Should I stop taking the XL immediately or wait until my next appointment? What could be causing me to crash into the deep depression? I've heard that the generic XL is not as good as the brand name Wellbutrin XL, so could it be that I need to switch to the brand name? Would it be considered rude if I bought up trying the SR twice a day instead of once a day (since it worked really well and the only issue is that it didn't last throughout the day) based on online research during my next appointment with the nurse practitioner in two weeks?
  11. XL can effect sleep. When I was on XL, I couldn't sleep at night, but when I switched to SR I had less insomia. Also, avoid taking it in the evening or at night. Taking it in the morning before noon helped me to be able to sleep at night.
  12. For me it took about a week to start seeing results but a month to start seeing great results. If it feels like Wellbutrin isn't working for you after 6 to 8 weeks, then try something else. I made the mistake of sticking with Citalopram (generic Celexa) for 7 months hoping it would start working with increased doses, instead of trying something new. It wasn't until I stopped the Citalopram and tried something else that I found Wellbutrin, which has helped me tremendously. Right now I'm not on Wellbutrin (ran out of prescription 2 weeks ago but plan to get more this Thursday after appt.) but when I was on it, it also made my anxiety a little worse but I took clonazepam when needed. Avoid taking it before bed. I had insomnia as well but taking it every morning around 7 am or no later than noon, helped a lot and I didn't need Lunesta as much after-wards.
  13. I have also had irritability and a lack of patience on Wellbutrin. Maybe you should ask for a lower dose. When I was on Wellbutrin SR 150 once a day, I was very irritable and emotional, but after my nurse practitioner lowered my dose to Wellbutrin SR 100, I was less irritable and emotional.
  14. I had the same problem too when I started taking Wellbutrin. I normally take my medication at night but when I started taking the Wellbutrin in the morning the problem went away.
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