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mutabilis

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  1. More than 4 years I've suffered from the most damnable depression. In 07, I had ECT 5 times but developed extreme anxiety afterwards. Had ECT again last year and until the doctor (not mine) started bilateral shocks at my 5th treatment I experienced the worst depression I've ever felt (i'm 54). The unilateral shocks were successful and I felt undepressed until bilateral. Never found out why the doc upped my dose to bilateral, but it was a mistake and I will be certain to ask for unilateral the next time I have ECT. My psychiatrist was almost out of ideas since I've consumed the gamut of antidepressants - but we decided to try an old one (prozac) that had worked for me in the past along with 10-15 mg of abilify and 2-4 of ativan. The combination has worked for 2 months with some nagging side effects like the "jimjams" or my term for restless anxiety from the abilify. But the abilify is the drug that virtually brought me out of my worst moments and my psychdoc and I agree that if I continue with abilify I have a good chance of totally recovering from my depression. Its a energising drug for me and the day after I started my mood began to improve. I've had so much depression in my life that it is hard for me to accept this new feeling of well-being and energy. It feels right and wrong at the same time. Any moment the crash may come over me and I'll be calling the ECT doc again. I'm on SSDI for my depression and find myself feeling that a structured work day could be beneficial - or some interest that will sustain me. But I am certain if I return to the rigors of work I will get blue again. I still have symptoms of depression but they are much less than before. It usually appears in the daytime when I'm at odds as to what to do with myself. Showers and self=care are still hard as is cleaning the house or doing the dishes. I'm still tired during the day and I sleep 12 hours per night. I'd say I'm not cured but there is a brighter horizon.
  2. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  3. Hello Mutabilis, I just saw your post and that you are 58. Dont feel bad, Im 60! Just thought Id say Hi and welcome!!

    Gentle Sun

  4. Mentally and physically I feel like I'm in my mid eighties. I'm 52. Treat depression early.
  5. At 52 my depression is more futile. An aging and unwilling body along with a scars from a life of struggle with depression. I do not wish depression on anyone.
  6. This episode of depression began about 3 years ago. I started seeing psychiatrists and now have one who means the world to me. We have tried many different combinations of medications, and now I am taking the "Rocket Fuel" - Effexor, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Abilify, Lorazepam, and Seroquel. It works a little but I am still afflicted at times with pronounced despair. I had a beautiful rose garden along with many beautiful potted plants. This year it became too difficult to maintain the garden, so most of these plants have died. I see daily in these dead flowers how debilitating depression is. I don't even care anymore that they are dead.
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