NoGas

In all of this spiralling depression, I am periodically losing my faith. It's not becuase my prayers aren't being heard, or because of some greater attachment to a physical world. Instead, I find myself unable to comprehend the notion of 'why'. My issue comes with suicide and religious interests. It just seems too cruel for a deity to place a human being on this Earth, then throw a life of pain, confusion and mental illness into the frame of the individual. Finally, if they lean towards trying to escape, when it seems like things are too difficult, too overwhelming to be able to stand against, you cannot escape, as it is a sin punnishable by damnation in nearly every major religion, especially those of the Abrahamic tradition. It truly feels as though we are experiencing a world in which we are forced to run a maze that has no escape, and is only punishment. Yet, if one desires to cheat the system, they are punished with worse pain. Why would a deity that is supposed to be an enforcer of justice, equality and has a plan subject mankind to this? Why would some of plans force a lifetime of mental illness on a biological level, and an inability to form normal relationships with the people aorund them? What is the reason behind not allowing us to escape, when there is no real hope of anything getting better, aside from the possibility of medical advancements?

The only things I can be happy for is that I am making enough to pay my bills on time, to have just enough left over that I can try to have superfluous things when a week as been especially full of work. I can be happy that I woke up this morning. But aside from that there isn't much. I am too fond of various types of escapes, illegal and legal. So now it's just about trying to count things to be happy for.

Anhedonia is a common symptom of depression. The best thing to do is revisit the things that made you excited or happy, and try to rediscover what it is that made you feel so attracted to that activity.

I have had a nasty habit of self medicating with a certain easily obtainable popular substance among america's youth. i have been an abuser for awhile, it helps me to relax and keeps down my OCD problems. I recently went on flouxetine for a second time and have experienced new side effects. Last time i had used flouxetine, i had quit my drug issues and have very few side effects of floux. This time i didnt quit, i continued. I am on 20-40mg dose and have stopped using any other substances after repeated panic episodes and an almost constant anxiety. has anyone experienced issues with flouxetine and self medication worsening previous instances of anxiety and OCD? i am looking for anecdotale (sp?) evidence, so as not to get tangled with legal issues. I have spoken to my doctor about how ive been negatively effected, but he has said to continue. he isnt a psychiatrist, he is a physician who was recommended by my psychologist.