Thimble got a reaction from rhyl in I am sooo angry with my therapist
I totally understand about going all in and trusting a therapist. It is very difficult once you do that, ie commit and trust fully, to be able to do that again with a new therapist.
I am not sure how often you saw him, and whether this 6 week break has been a long time, and if you aren't getting email responses that help, whether it is worth trying another in person session to talk another time about what you need to move forward?
And you mention being clear to him about what you need....I think that is really positive that you can visualize/know what would be helpful. Can you imagine the ideal situation, if the therapist could react/help /talk in whatever way you want - can you picture that - is that something you described to him and he just doesn't understand what you mean?
I am sorry you have been stuck in the mud for so long, and now are hurting over losing the productive relationship part of the therapy that was working for you.
Thimble reacted to rhyl in I am sooo angry with my therapist
I've been struggling in therapy for awhile. We've been "stuck." Even he said so. We've tried different things, but the problem is that I've been so depressed and feeling not safe and unmotivated and not-trusting and other stuff (see where I'm going with this - a bunch of different, unrelated stuff) that I have trouble engaging in anything. I mean ANYTHING. Mindfulness was really helping, until I couldn't do that.
I was very open about all this. I think a few things happened, but two things mostly. First, my psychiatrist dumped me in a really bad way in 2014. I lost all trust in all professionals at that time. After that, I was repeatedly betrayed by several doctors which added to that trust issue. I started having problems with trust with my therapist some time after that and, combined with the depression, etc..., things just didn't go well. I continued to work with him, though, and actually had a huge breakthrough last year. It was one of those spiritual awakenings, though, that drags you through the mud and then, eventually, I think you rise up out of it, except that never happened. I have been lying in the mud and muck all this time, and all my therapist has said to me since is that I just need to search inside because that's where the answers are.
Oh, and that he wants me to be happy, but that's up to me.
I've told him over and over again, that I need his *help* to get beyond where I am. And truthfully, I feel like he's left me hanging. He worked with me and got me to where I am, then basically abandoned me. We have been doing very specialized work - he is a Zen priest, and we have been focused primarily on Buddhist stuff, and the place where I got stuck revolves around suffering (mine and others') - and I feel like he really needs to be the one to help me with this.
I am SO DAMN MAD at him because he is not being responsive to me. I finally decided, about 6 weeks ago, to take a break, because it was chickening me to go there, and he said I could go back or email anytime, but he doesn't respond to me or, when he does (a couple weeks later), it's angrily, with a "I don't know what you want from me" when I'm being more than straightforward and clear.
No, I can't and won't get another therapist. I don't have the money and I don't want to start all over. I don't have the energy to invest that kind of trust in another human being every again. Nobody, NOBODY deserves my trust. D***it. I really tried this time. I tried so hard. And he said he'd stick with us on this path.
And he ****ing lied.
Thimble reacted to HeartagramGirl in Unprofessional Therapist, Awkward Situation, Need Advice
Give him sometime to recover from this experience and maybe he might come around again and decide to get back into therapy.. it's hard when you go to someone you feel you can trust and they behave in such a way.. I hope he decides to go back as well as find someone more suitable/professional.. good luck to the both of you..
Thimble reacted to Chubbybunny89 in Unprofessional Therapist, Awkward Situation, Need Advice
the best way would be to just disappear from his radar and not speak to him again. He is not your friend. This isn't a relationship where you owe the person an explanation or closure. You paid him money for his services, and that's it. He is hassling because he wants money. I ended up dropping off the face of the earth with my past therapist, whom I liked, because I ended up moving away suddenly. She never harassed me nor called. They aren't supposed to. You pay them to listen and advise. You come in at your own time,and will. They are not supposed to push you into it.Therapists are not your friends, and it's technically against the rules for them to be. They are supposed to be professionals. So you have nothing to feel guilty about. I appreciate how considerate you are of his career and such,but from what I read he sounds like an ass. I mean, he looked at your body, guilted your boyfriend for being sick, asked how much your boyfriend is, seems to be a bit too into money, used vulgar language and now is leaving multiple voice mails? Just tell your boyfriend to block the number if he keeps harassing you. you guys do not need to tell him anything, just ignore him. If this was a personal friend whom you were cutting off, then you should give closure, but it's not.
Thimble reacted to JustMeNeil in Therapy Question
Brilliant Ratboy "I'm not a test case or a specimen or an auto engine that's broken!" and very true. SenorDomino "It's like talking to a wall, isn't it? Never did anything for me, felt like a waste of time" also well said.
I think the key here is that we patients/clients ought not accept this type of treatment. We can first see if they are willing to help us in the ways that we need and if not then it's time to move on and find a right fit.
Thimble reacted to Orso in Therapy Question
I also need more interaction. I'm lucky b/c my therapist has suggestions and will ask questions any time she doesn't quite understand something. I really appreciate that.
I would also be feeling like something's missing.
JMNeil's point is good too - that is definitely a style of therapy. & I think it was popular in the 60's/70's?
But if it doesn't fit for you, then it is a good idea to bring it up if you possibly can. Just saying what would suit you better is completely fair and reasonable.
Can you give us an update if you do bring it up?
Thimble reacted to JustMeNeil in Therapy Question
Hi Purist. I totally relate to what you're going through. Sounds like the old fashioned way of conducting therapy. The reason I say that is because when I was first diagnosed 30 years ago, I went to an older psychiatrist who also did my therapy too. From what I remember he acted the same way. My suggestion to you, and I'm no professional but have to many therapists, is to directly ask her for a more interactive session as you've said. If she won't then I would seek out a new therapist. I know it's a pain but I've had to do before too.
Hang in there.
Thimble reacted to downNotOut in The Animals In Your Life...
In the last few years we've acquired two pit bull mixes. All I knew about the breed before we got them was what the media reports. and that tends to be pretty negative. But these are the sweetest, friendliest dogs. They were strays and if we hadn't taken them they would probably have wound up euthanized or worse, which is so unfair. They are so loving and adore people so much. Every time they see anyone they just light up with joy. I keep wanting to say, "Don't you know how much better your species is than ours?" But they think people are wonderful creatures. They really do cheer me up.
Thimble reacted to Garnetred in The Animals In Your Life...
A little nose touching my leg as I was sitting here in hot tears reminded me to ask about these wonderful creatures.... Mysha, short for My Little Shadow, is a beautiful black Shih Tzu female who has been with me through a LOT of thin in the last 5 years... loss of both my parents, loss of Sasha who was Mysha's half brother, financial loss, loss of two good friends and now the impending, I'm told, loss off my beloved 19 year old grandson from a terrible vicious cancer. I was crying because I've been fooling myself about being brave.. they;re taking his leg at the hip in the next 10 days and I thought I could be brave but i'm not... it's not a dream... it's a nightmare and I can't wake up!!!!!
When my mom died 4 years ago Mysha was there .. I could be howling with grief and she would come jump in my lap... I put her through a lot.. then when my dad died 5 months later it was bad and I pretty much fell apart she was there... she had Shih Tzu puppies that she taught to come to me when they heard so much as a hiccup.
And here is pretty Mysha now with her son Rocky and daughter Tiny Bel nosing my legs to be picked up while I type this.. asking so little but giving so much...
Thimble reacted to nibsy in I Think I've Found A Good Therapist This Time...
I,m pleased to hear you have found the right theripist, it sounds like you will be able to make some progress with your depresion. It;s early days for me and therepy is my next move.
Remember you have plenty of people you can talk to on DF.
Thimble reacted to derpytia in I Think I've Found A Good Therapist This Time...
After the string of useless or generally unhelpful therapists I have gone through in my 21 almost 22 years of life I think I can finally say that I've found the perfect therapist for me. Not only is she sympathetic to me in every way and validates my feelings (she has depression as well) but she is actually taking initiative and is actively helping me get the support I need. When I was at my lowest she called the outpatient clinic I'm going to for me and helped me ask questions about financial costs and what I could do to bring them down and what kind of care I needed. She is also very good at gently challenging my self depreciating and negative thinking in a way that is not frustrating or accusatory. And she genuinely cares about me and my well being and even cut my bill to her in half because she knows money is an issue for me. I never expected to find a therapist like this ever in any place at any time of my life.
I wish I would have found this therapist much much sooner.
Thimble reacted to Starsea in Is It Worth Going To Therapy When Meds Have Helped So Much?
Agreed. The right combination of medication and therapy can be very powerful. My ultimate goal is to get off the medication in 1 - 2 years and continue therapy as needed.
If you can find a therapist who works well with you, it could be very helpful.
Peace and love
Thimble reacted to noolsg in Is It Worth Going To Therapy When Meds Have Helped So Much?
therapy and anti depressants have worked beautifully for me together - I think you should go to therapy at least six times before you make a decision if it is for you. good luck.
Thimble reacted to HRiddle in 2 Years And Still Not Recovered From Termination
I don't know if this is normal, or how to deal with it. Two years ago I had to leave the therapist I had been seeing for a long time and who had accompanied me through hospitalizations and many dark episodes. At the time I had to leave the country so the sessions had to stop abruptly. It was by no means a natural termination, though my therapist did her best to make it bearable (when in reality it was still unbearable). I cried through the last session and have never returned to the city or seen her again since then.
Now it's been two years, and I'm no longer in therapy, but I'm still struggling with that separation from my original therapist. I've been in touch with her through email, etc. but we are no longer in a therapist-client relationship and she has made it quite clear (though in a gentle way). It is natural that I will be farther and farther away from her mind, as she sees more new clients and I become part of her distant memory. This should ideally happen on my part as well, but it is not happening. Whereas I'm just one of her former patient, she is not just my "ex-therapist". She accompanied me through life and death and I simply could not, and will never be able to forget her. She is so closely linked to the darkest part of my past and I could not let her go. It's not just transference anymore.
I did tell her that a few times, but it was awkward. I felt guilty for being needy as she is under no obligation to help me recover from the loss, because she is no longer my therapist. She has always been extremely kind in our correspondence, but she does not say much. Sometimes I wonder if she even remembers my face, as it has been so long. The change from being in a therapeutic relationship to virtually no reltaionship has broken my heart, though I prepared myself for it. I tried very hard to make new connections, but it's not the same. It's like a real loss where you can never replace that missing part.
Does anybody have similar experiences, and how do you deal with it? Thank you.
Thimble reacted to mef123 in I Don't Belong Anywhere
I also have problems with confidence. I'm working on it. I really don't have any friends and have very few family members that I talk to. I have pushed everyone away. It makes me very sad. As for the memory issue, my memory is bad too especially when I'm depressed. I write everything down because I can't count on my memory.
Thimble reacted to Fizzle in Ending Therapy
Everything in t is an opportunity to learn and if you usually do a disappearing act when ending relationships then this is a great time to do things differently. It would be good to discuss your past pattern of ending things and tell her you wanted to change that this time. I hope you go in in person and talk this out with her as it is a great assertiveness opportunity. I know how terrifying that sounds.
Thimble reacted to Kogent5 in Ending Therapy
I am someone who doesn't end relationships. I sort of just...disappear. I would like to try a new therapist as I feel like I've hit a wall with my current one. How do I do this without hurting my current therapist's feelings? Maybe that's silly, but that's how I feel and I honestly don't know where to start with it. Would it be rude to do it over e-mail?
Thimble reacted to bluetree721 in Pro Ana Sites Are Blocked.
A lot of the time, pro ana sites are written by anorexics who see these sites as a haven. Though, I've been thinking today, it's not working for me any more. It's just making me exhausted and I'm still not dead. So I've decided to eat more. I can't afford to eat much but I might as well eat more than I have been.
It's a coping mechanism that works for a while to a degree but it's just not working any more. Thank you for your replies.
Thimble reacted to Fizzle in Pro Ana Sites Are Blocked.
But dear Blue, you deserve self kindness and nourishment and relief from suffering with things that heal and are kind to you. Think of what it would mean if you starved another human being to death.
I totally understand you want escape from pain and I understand the sense of escape one can find in starvation but the truth is that it doesnt actually provide escape, In many ways even though it is an attempt to find relief and self care we are perpetuating what others have done to us. We are abusing us. It seems to provide relief but really produces more suffering. I suffer less now that I have recovered rather than more. And then if you start to get nerve, brain, heart or any number of other types of damage then your physical suffering will add to your other suffering.
I'm not trying to stop you restricting as that choice is yours. I also know that sometimes the possibility of damage to our bodies can even seem like a good thing rather than feeling disinterested. People saying what and how can feel totally lacking in importance. . But I will say that even though it doesnt feel like it when you are in it, there is a better way that brings more relief from pain.
Can you think of anything that is less harmful that can provide you a little escape for now?
Thimble reacted to Epictetus in Getting Mad With Therpist
Hi Scienceguy. Sorry this happened. I think it is normal to get mad at one's therapist. I think it is normal to experience the whole range of emotions during therapy.
Sometimes depression can be linked to being on the receiving end of too much scolding from others. The word "should" is related to the word "scold." Sometimes even if a therapist offers something that might be helpful, it can be a kind of scolding which may not be helpful. Psychological stuff takes a lot of time to process sometimes. Things I was told when I was 15 I am only really processing now. I'm 60.
I think you are doing great and making progress. Often a person does not consciously "choose" the level of expectations the person has. That is something they "inherit" from others or in reaction to others. So it is appropriate given a person's history. I don't think it helps if one is given the impression that one "should" feel guilty about one's expectations. One of the difficulties of being a therapist is not getting a "I am up here and you are way down there" attitude. I am not criticizing therapists. I imagine I would fall into the same thing many times if I was a therapist myself because I fall into it just in ordinary life.
Want to write more but tendonitis is preventing me from typing much. Take care!