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Everything posted by Thimble

  1. I totally understand about going all in and trusting a therapist. It is very difficult once you do that, ie commit and trust fully, to be able to do that again with a new therapist. I am not sure how often you saw him, and whether this 6 week break has been a long time, and if you aren't getting email responses that help, whether it is worth trying another in person session to talk another time about what you need to move forward? And you mention being clear to him about what you need....I think that is really positive that you can visualize/know what would be helpful. Can you imagine the ideal situation, if the therapist could react/help /talk in whatever way you want - can you picture that - is that something you described to him and he just doesn't understand what you mean? I am sorry you have been stuck in the mud for so long, and now are hurting over losing the productive relationship part of the therapy that was working for you.
  2. Since you can join either at any time, can you try out both of them? Is there a cost or is it hard to physically get to them, or could you even go to both and get twice the support? I definitely think it is worth checking them out (either or both) to see if the extra connections with people as well as the group content itself are helpful. I hope you will keep us updated if you choose to go about how you found the experience(s).
  3. People suggest writing things down to either read to your therapist, or give to your therapist to read when you are there. That has worked for me. I like to keep the paper out in view when I do that though - because they will then prompt me if I don't give it to them....they know I brought something I wrote but that I haven't gotten up the courage to give it to them, so they ask. If I leave the paper folded in my pocket, I chicken out and usually won't bring it out. Even if you write down a subject/topic/item, as opposed to elaborating in detail, maybe that would help bring up something you want to talk about - or want the therapist to know you would like to eventually open up and talk more about in the sessions.
  4. I can totally relate to this and am sorry you had that happen. For some reason, I just kept trying more therapists though - some seemed all aboard but then hit the point of yea, well....yea....they didn't want in anymore - but this last one has been willing to work with me and hasn't given up - I hope you keep trying. On another note, how are things with you Rhyl? Was Monday's appointment productive?
  5. Oops - I didn't refresh my screen so didn't see your new post before I responded!!
  6. Hi there - I am glad you were able to speak about how hurt and abandoned you were feeling. I didn't respond yesterday because I wanted to think of who would be best to send a copy of your letter to. Is there a medical association/board for your state/province or country? Did you book another appointment with your therapist? Did he seem willing to work harder to rebuild the trust that was lost? You deserve someone in real life too, who has your back and can offer unconditional support.
  7. Hi Rhyl - I hope you can express how abandoned you have been feeling at your T appointment tomorrow. I am sorry the support has been lacking, especially when you have so much going on. I don't understand the lack of response from the board - you would think at the very, very least you would get an "acknowledgement of receipt" type letter. Would you ever consider sending It again and asking them to please confirm in writing that they received your correspondence? Do you think it would help for you to know they heard you and read your letter? It absolutely does not take away from the way you were mistreated, which I feel very bad about. Maybe a second request would also kickstart someone actually addressing your concerns and not leaving your letter in a pending folder somewhere. That would be even better than acknowledgement - to actually get a response to the concerns you raised.... Anyway, I wanted you to know I was thinking about you and hope the appointment tomorrow is helpful.
  8. Aw Rhyl - I am so sorry you feel so hurt. I would be too. I wish I could take away the pain and sense of abandonment. I really do not understand the Board non-response - that isn't very professional...to at least acknowledge receipt of your letter. I am so sorry. Do you think your T might be offline because of the ongoing medical issues? Maybe he didn't get your emails? You have mentioned that he has come through for you and been there....not responding to your emails would be unusual (I think?) so maybe something is up where he hasn't been able to read and/or respond yet? It doesn't take away the hurt from reaching out and him not being there. I hope he responds soon. I don't know if this will help or not. But for your ex-bf staying just get over it and get on with your life. My T gets his back up when people suggest this. His position is He would LOVE to do that!! Please tell him (us/you....whoever!) HOW exactly to do that, because we are trying really really really hard and haven't yet figured out how and if they know, please...WE REALLY DO want to get on with it and would honestly welcome that guidance and direction....I mean he says it with both sarcasm and sincerity....if that makes sense? He also follows it up with Do you think he/we...etc. enjoy being so unhappy - we would welcome the solution - we aren't having a ball with our suffering and would love a way out. For me...I agree with that - if someone can tell me how to "fix my life", I sincerely would love their help - the problem is, it isn't that simple - there is no set way to untangle our issues. Anyway, I just wanted you to know I am sorry things are so rough and you are feeling so alone and that I was thinking about you.
  9. Thimble

    Health Problems

    Happy Birthday (according to your profile) - hope you feel better today.
  10. Thimble

    Health Problems

    I'm sorry you are feeling badly. Hope your stomach settles down overnight so you can avoid the hospital - if you can sleep ok, that will help pass some time until the nurse calls back. Hope the nurse has some helpful information for you tomorrow.
  11. Hi Rhyl - I feel like I totally understand what you are saying - and have been there as well. You have so much vested in the therapy relationship and then the therapist can make a remark or do something or completely lack insight and you are like what the.....????? Not only are you trained in this field, but you have spent x amount of time with me and then you can do/say that??? It cuts deep ...for me anyway. The hurt, the pain at being so misunderstood by the one that means so much to you - that you thought was "there for you". That you are paying to help you on top of it all! The "how could you??" The "seriously?????" I am so sorry you experienced this. I am sorry you are hurting so much right now too, where the suicidal thoughts are back/so strong. And I am sorry your T is also going to be away for so long...not only did he not "hear" you during the session, but he hits you with his absence on top of it. I have had that happen and it is just overwhelming despair. I am glad you posted here and I hope the support of others on the forum and their hearing you helps a little. I think when your T returns you should bring up exactly what you mentioned here - I hope your T can help repair the hurt you experienced/are experiencing. You fully have my support and caring and empathy.
  12. I am so glad you are writing the letters and that your voice will be heard - I hope your psychiatrist will surprise you with his reaction/response and that he will fight to save the relationship with you ...fight to keep you. I am so proud of you for standing up regardless. And I do believe there are other psychiatrists out there for you that will be able to help you and that aren't solely financially driven and can be flexible in terms of payment.
  13. I would definitely call him - this doesn't sound right. I wonder since it is a more formal office now if someone just prepares form letters and he signs a pile of them without really looking at "who" they are being sent to. Your 15 year history is worth fighting for. There must be some misunderstanding/oversight...
  14. Thimble

    2 Therapist

    I think you are leaning towards staying with the one who also happens to be going on vacation? Even with texting, maybe keep the other one on board until the preferred therapist returns...just so you have support in her absence. What would you miss with the one you are thinking of stopping seeing? I sense a bit of hesitation - is it more than just the other one going on vacation - is there something there as well that still has benefit for you? Does having a sounding board, someone to talk to and hear you help, even if tools with how to cope with the things you are discussing haven't been provided during the discussions?
  15. Thimble

    Loner Issues...

    I use co-workers - I don't elaborate about having no one else - I just say well you have known me for x years and I have the form here now and would like to finish it if I could just use their name on it (ie maybe I have others I could ask but for simplicity, since I am at work now, can I add their names).
  16. Thimble

    2 Therapist

    Hi there - I don't know about your billing question re insurance, but I have used two therapists in the past for the same reason - that the one didn't have time for me. It is easier with one in that you don't have to repeat yourself - however If you want both therapists to be aware of the other, you can always give them permission to speak directly and perhaps reduce that need for repetition. You might also find that going forward your "more available" 2nd therapist is also as good as the 1st less available one, and want to eventually switch to them solely. If you don't have problems with the insurance company, I say go for it - if the arrangement of two doesn't meet your needs after all, you can always stop one of them. Sometimes therapists worry about giving conflicting advice, if they know you have more than one of them - but if you are clear that you will let them know if you are receiving mixed messages, you can address the issue right away. Two therapists also gives you an extra point of view and opinion on how you might be able to make positive changes in your life.
  17. Just wanted to offer you a cyberhug and hope things get better. I don't think you are a horrible person and appreciate you posting your blog as it makes me feel less alone and like someone can relate to what I experience as well.
  18. Have you read at all about "schizoids"? You might find it interesting and be able to relate.
  19. Thimble

    More Aware

    Sorry you caught a nasty bug and are feellng crappy and also alone. Hope you can heat up some soup so you feel a bit better physically and that you feel better soon. Would watching some funny comedy clips on youtube help you to feel less alone and distract you for a few moments? Thinking of you.
  20. I live the lifestyle you describe - I have 4 pets for company and companionship - and I rely on my therapist for the only "human contact" I have so-to-speak, outside of work-related conversations with co-workers or checkout staff at stores when I need to pick up supplies. It is a way to live, yes - but I wish more for you in 2014. I follow your blog and you seem like a decent, genuine, caring, interesting human being - I don't know why your friends have let you down, but I hope you keep trying to find more.
  21. Thimble


    Have you looked out the meetup.com groups at all? You might find something you could try there - and if you didn't like the group/type of event, you could easily just not return - but move on to another one instead.
  22. It was a good three weeks for me - I took acetaminophen the whole time as a kind of preventative to the headaches too. It impacted my breathing and it was a couple of weeks for that side of things to clear up. Hope you feel better soon.
  23. Is this your first pregnancy? Do you think it is possible that some of the symptoms might be related to that? For me, I only took it for three weeks or so but still was a good three weeks feeling side effects afterwards. Hope you are nearing the end of it now.
  24. I hope the bit of contact and connection helped....that you got a little something out of the interaction for a few moments, despite that it left you feeling more hurt afterwards? I am sorry your friend disappointed you (again). You definitely deserve better.
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