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Everything posted by Hertz

  1. I began taking pristiq last december in combination with remeron which I was already using. When I was taking remeron alone I could function but was plagued by suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. These thoughts almost completely disappeared soon after I started taking pristiq.
  2. It makes sense to me and I agree. I'd add that a personal relationship is yet possible, but considering Him too much like a person seems less and less plausible, or tolerable since it makes me feel schizophrenic. I also don't think when you die you actually meet Him in the usual sense of the word and start a conversation. He is, and is not, a person. I like the compromise you found between your beliefs. Even if they're just eggs, the negative emotional rush cannot be disregarded by a wave of the hand if it's too strong. Good luck with your school work. Some days I feel exactly like what you describe. I don't think it was a bad idea to do other stuff, that's what I do too. Sometimes I think the semester will end in disaster, but to counterbalance this I imagine a best case scenario and tell myself everything will go fine. It always did so far.
  3. I am roman catholic. Depression hit me soon after making steps to practice more and doing my first communion and confirmation. I think it's because I was starting to connect with my feelings and I had had dysthymia the past 10 yrs.
  4. I believe God is love and forgiveness, but I also think he is the God of perverse suffering, which I go through regularly. Perverse suffering is to me for example having almost tangible suicidal thoughts and feeling totally powerless. I'm really talking about those specific moments of excruciating mental torture and during which you think about God. From these experiences I get a sense of what it is to accept everything and love God no matter what, but I'm still angry since I think NO ONE should have to go through something like that.
  5. about every 3 days I'll feel very tired and depressed. I'm doing graduate studies and those days I have to accept I won't be able to do much of what I had intended.
  6. Parents should be mentors,tutors and not leave their children on their own in regards to non-materialistic issues like emotions. I think I was left to much on my own, with a disregard to signs of anxiety and depression like you said. Now what can I do knowing this? At least understand myself better and break the cycle if I have children.
  7. i found out it is better for me to not focus too much on getting a steady girlfriend. my first experience going out with a girl occurred when i decided to open myself to other possibilities, to widen my horizon a bit. i went out 3 times with her (it was during a 1 week vacation to mexico). i enjoyed it and it showed me a girl could like me.
  8. I think the fact that you felt good with wellbutrin for a few weeks indicates it works for you. Maybe combining it with therapy would allow you to not fall too low on the depression scale and further that progress.
  9. Hertz


    I've had a recurring dream since last year. I'm on an asteroid or Mars with a team of scientists and technicians, doing experiments and building infrastructures. Each time something goes wrong, an accident occurs in which I'm involved and I always feel responsible for it and don't handle it very well, and then I wake up. I do feel anxious during the dream because of the hostility of the surroundings, where a small error can have catastrophic consequences. But I also feel enthusiasm and like I'm having fun doing extraordinary stuff. I think it mirrors the my vision of the world as a hostile place, where nature and men are always close to trampling you somehow. I guess my confidence is pretty low. I'm also taking a path towards doing research in a scientific field, hence the science stuff and the excitement, and also the team work, since it's nice to have peers to talk to and collaborate on projects.
  10. I'm able to study,socialize,got to the gym, shower etc. It's just that I'm constantly pursued by suicidal thoughts. And lately it's gotten worse. I'm seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. Sometimes I have the impression that I am just extending my life expectancy with these treatments, like the depression was inevitably going to catch and crush me. I'm looking forward to the end of the semester. I'm going to Cancun right after and will probably change medication (like those movie stars that change manager repeatedly when their career is at a low).
  11. Showers used to energize me also. Now they feel good only right after going to the gym. Otherwise I have the impression they make me more tense, but I take them anyways because it helps me get in the beat of the day.
  12. I've been taking remeron 15mg in combination with effexor 37.5mg for the past month, after taking remeron 15mg for a year. I have less suicidal thoughts and I'm a bit less anxious, but I have a sore throat and headache everyday since the last 3 weeks, especially in the morning. Has anyone been through something similar?
  13. I've been taking Remeron 15mg for a year now. It's helped get back on track and be active. The negative thoughts are still there though, and i have suicidal ideations everyday. I tried 30mg but it made apathic. Two weeks ago I added Effexor 37.5mg and for the first time in years I felt good. But for some unknown reason this didn't last and this week-end I'm having no energy and feeling more suicidal than usual. I guess I'll go back to Remeron only. It saddens me so much that I'll spend at least the next months having suicidal and aggressive thoughts on a daily basis, even though I'll be functional.
  14. I go to college, finished my bachelor's degree while in depression. I had to take a one year break midway because of the depression. When I began my degree I was really passionate about the subject. Because of the depression the passion has dropped significantly, and I had to force myself to go back. The interest is coming back gradually and I started a master degree on the same subject. Medication helped a lot regarding concentration issues I have. Now I can't say my interest for the subject is necessarily 100% of what it was, but i'm not aiming for that since I've changed enormously since my depression started and the "old" me is not something I want to recreate. A lot of the things i do now do not really fulfill me but i do them anyways because i think it's much better than sitting at home and ruminate.
  15. I've heard about a treatment for really severe untreatable depression where they place in you a kind of pacemaker that stimulates a part of your brain which is related to mood regulation. I know it seems harsh, and it is probably costly, but it's an option.
  16. i started my meds about ten days ago. the hospital gave me all the help they could and i feel that they can help me no more. it seems like the only solution is to end myself. if u knew what i did i bet u would think i deserve to die too. it saddens me that i feel this way, but it's the truth. I live in fear of not knowing whats going to happen to me and i just want to end it. Suicide is never the only solution. Don't do it. Those problems you are having right now will pass.
  17. Hi KlaxOr, Your questionning about the meaning of life and the purpose of your existence is very legitimate. It deserves an answer and WILL get one. But you have to be PATIENT, and not let cynicism or you ego guide you.
  18. With the AD i'm taking right now and CBT I've seen significant improvements in regard to my ability to concentrate and be active. But my mood doesn't get better. I pray, I force myself to do something, like reading, calling a friend, doing chores. But that only helps temporarily. I have a very low tolerance for ADs, probably due to anxiety. Most ADs I've taken either didn't do anything or worsened my condition after a while. Right now I'm taking remeron 7.5 mg and effexor 18 mg. I know these doses may seem very low, even "homeopathic" as my doctor said, but otherwise my ability to function drops and I sometimes even encounter physical pain. I also take clonazepam 1mg.
  19. Hi, I've been having suicidal thoughts on a daily basis since the last few months. I do not intend on ******* myself, but these thoughts are causing me a lot of pain. I have depression and am treated for it. I would like to know from people who went through and overcame this : How long did you have these thoughts? Did they just disappear one day or was it gradual? Thank you.
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