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Everything posted by Hertz

  1. I've been smoking since the past 3 years. I smoke about 7 cigs a day. I feel it's stimulating the reward center in my brain, and it's one of the rare things that does this. Also, sometimes I'll be sitting, lethargic and unmotivated. After smoking one I'm suddenly willing to do what I got to do, be it chores, studies, taking a shower etc. That's the main reason why I continue this habit.
  2. Here's a joke, A man goes to Venice on a trip. There he meets a woman, they fall madly in love and marry three days later. One week later they are at their house, sunbathing next to the pool. The man stands up, dives in the water, swims 50 laps and comes out not exhausted at all. The woman looks at him puzzled and he says "I used to be an olympic swimmer" before lying on the chaise lounge. The woman stands up, dives in the pool, swims 100 laps and comes out not tired one bit. The man asks: "Were you an olympic swimmer too?". "No", she responds, "I was a prostitute in Venice and was doing outcalls".
  3. Me and two of friends performed a sort of test to each other, in the schoolyard during recess. One day two of us ignored completely the third, for a half-hour, just to see his reaction. Then another day the roles were exchanged. This was done once for each. When came my turn I just cried like a baby.
  4. Tired and having a splitting headache.
  5. I like comedy shows/movies, like the office uk (watched it like 8 times and planning to watch it again), mad tv etc. When I love a particular skit I'll watch it from time to time on you tube. In movies my favorite comedies are The Big Lebowski by the Coen brothers and La Ch
  6. Have not been sleeping too well these past days so I feel tired.
  7. Hello, Last night, or this morning specifically, I dreamt I was watching a movie with a friend. He had bought candies and I really wanted some, so he agreed he'd give me some so I felt a bit infantilized. At some point in the movie the hero was preparing to fight a 15 story high bipedal monster, with a mouth with big sharp teeth located in its crotch. It looked like a vagina with teeth. The monster was waiting in the arena while the hero was in a room nearby talking with a friend who was advising him. I think this last part is related to the fact that I had a first date with a woman last thursday.
  8. I'm starting to play a tactical war board game called Advanced Squad Leader. The rules take into account terrain, moral, weather etc and it is set in WW2, a period I am fascinated about.
  9. Hi Jim Bow, With some people the conversation flows easily, I'll give my opinion, confide things etc. When I find someone like this I try to see that person again. So I guess I enjoy it more when the conversation flows and we talk about personal stuff. But that pleasure is very limited and I find this discouraging. Maybe I should suggest activities I enjoy more. I've been thinking about going to a waterpark for example. Hi xchairity_casex, It's true that some groups of people just don't make you feel included. That happened to me recently. It's what prompted me to post this message in the first place. I'll try to find among this group individuals with whom there's some level of connection. If not, like you suggest, I'll look elsewhere.
  10. I've been taking pristiq 50mg since the past 6 months and can't sleep less than 11-12 hours a day, or otherwise I feel extremely tired, depressed and anxious. Anyone else has experienced this?
  11. Hi The Amiss, Having things in common helps to have a conversation, but even in that case I can't say I enjoy it. My feeling afterward is that I have passed time efficiently, and thus avoided the negative thoughts I get when I spend too much time alone. I take two ADs and a med for anxiety, and I see a therapist every week.
  12. Hi cieralantonio8, welcome to DF. That's a great way to view this. Depression is an illness like any other. God works through people, so I encourage you to keep reaching out. Best regards.
  13. Basically, the only reason why I participate in social activities is that otherwise I feel absolutely miserable instead of simply miserable. When I don't socialize for a while my mood drops significantly. But the catch is that seeing people gives me no pleasure. NO REWARD. I'm scratching my head trying to find one aspect of it that is pleasurable, to no avail. (I don't suffer from complete anhedonia since I enjoy food, sex, tv shows, novels etc.) One possible cause: In my family, being social wasn't encouraged. For example, during one of my birthdays, when I was becoming 16, my family (mom,dad,brother, brother's girlfriend) and I went to a restaurant to celebrate. I barely talked during the whole time we were there. I remember not talking for at least an hour straight. And they did not give a ****. Weren't alarmed, concerned. Nothing. And this happened many times more, in similar settings, and began in my childhood. Their attitude was: If you don't want to talk it's ok, but if you do it won't really matter. I think I've internalized this. Is there any way out of this? What gives you pleasure, even minute, in social situations?
  14. Yesterday had a real conversation with my dad for the first time, where we both shared personnal feelings and experiences. That makes me happy.
  15. Reading articles and books for my master degree doesn't give me any sense of accomplishment and isolate me. I'll try to do some tutoring.
  16. Hi Hertz There is something that you need to learn about yourself, something that you have to find out that is locked into your subconscious. It is very difficult to try and find this this and it is going to take a fair while to find out what it is that you need to find out about yourself. You need a lot of emotional support through this, there is some and you are reaching for it. You also have the ability to see the positive side of things at times. Trace Thanks Trace. Since the past 6 months my therapist and I have been investigating a developmental trauma I suffered in childhood. Recently I talked about it to my parents and they both admitted it is true. There may be other elements locked in my subconscious, we'll see.
  17. Every feeling we have is temporary indeed, but I think it's possible to create conditions in our life to make the happy moments more frequent than the miserable ones.
  18. I think I have a great therapist. He listens and his opinions are very insightful. I often smile and laugh to myself after a session, happy to have made new discoveries about myself. Before that I did CBT with a group. I still use some of its techniques once in a while, especially when I have trouble forgiving myself. I still feel miserable most of the time, which is disappointing.
  19. I agree with Aerial that reaching out is the way to go. Maybe a social worker could assist you in finding a job and affordable housing.
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