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Blog Comments posted by Hertz

  1. 12 hours ago, TopekaK said:

    Relationship heartaches and loss are so hard to grieve because the other person is not actually gone, and it can feel impossible to let go.:hugs:

    I completely agree. Although it's always better when the person is alive and well, the fact that it's technically possible to meet and communicate, and that the future is uncertain and you never know if your paths will cross again makes it really challenging to move on :hugs:

  2. I can understand the wish to not have crushes. So far they haven't brought me anything very good. They have pushed me to get more involved in the dating scene, which I find rife with disappointment.
    I stopped having crushes long before starting Remeron. For some reason, after diminishing the dosage they returned. It could be a transient phenomenon, a side-effect of the tapering off, something to do with dopamine.

  3. Congratulations on having a access to the feeling of love and floating in the air. I had crushes but never really fell in love.
    I wouldn't close the door on love. Maybe there are things to be learned from this turn of event? Perhaps there were red flags? I believe your next relationship will be much more satisfying because this event will help you know yourself better and improve your ability to filter out guys like him.

  4. 15 hours ago, Clarissa said:

    I think your experience of unemployment is not uncommon, Hertz. Having a job really brings a sense of community, purpose, motivation and structure. A LOT of people become depressed and start floundering when that goes away. I wonder if there is some volunteer work or internship you could do or take a class or something. It might help to give some structure to your day, get you out around people and give you a feeling that you are being productive with your time. If you don't already, maybe going to the gym or starting a new exercise regime could give you something to focus on other than just the job search. Hoping something pans out for ya soon.

    We're here for ya!

    xo, C



    Thanks for the comment and advice :) I do fit the profile you're describing. These are good ways to give some structure to my days. I've been going to a job search center these past two days. At least it's a change of scenery and I'm surrounded by other job seekers, and there is a job counsellor if I need assistance.

  5. 7 hours ago, Corbin said:

    You need to find a job that helps with your depression. Try doing some online jobs if commuting is difficult for you. Also, I suggest seeing a mental health professional or group therapy. Group therapy is cheaper than one-on-one, so do what's best for you.

    Thanks for the tips :)

  6. It's very nice of him of accompanying you to the hospital. That shows he cares a lot about you. Sorry your anxiety/panic is putting pressure on your relationship. I hope therapy helps find strategies to bring back some of the fun you had together amid this time of crisis.

  7. That really sounds like a toxic work environment. I'm not sure it's possible to reason with such people. I think the limits and boundaries must be concrete. For example requiring that communications be made through email. Or work from home.

    Does she herself have a boss? If so I would document every abusive encounter. Maybe his boss is looking for ways to get rid of her and just needs evidence

  8. The trouble with dealing with recruiters is that you're not the only candidate they contact. That means there is competition and less chances to get the job.
    For the last job I got there was no competition. They had needs, but didn't post any job offer. I took the initiative and called the person responsible for the department concerned (not human resources, you don't want to go through them) and pitched my skills, experiences, and interest, and that I wanted a meeting. The following day I met the president of the company. There was no human resources people. He asked me a few of the usual interview questions, but most of the meeting he was describing what they are doing and their history. The same day I had an offer which I took.
    I encourage you to take the initiative. It's a lot more rewarding because the chances are much better. All it takes is a list of employers you are interested in, and a pitch for selling yourself. Then you call the company and ask the name of the person responsible for the department concerned. It's important to avoid HR because if you talk to them all they'll do is ask for your cv and put it in a huge stack of hundreds of other candidates. When you reach the person by phone, you say the pitch and ask for a meeting.
    It might seem daunting to do cold calls to companies like that, but after a few it gets much easier. This method works for 99.9% of occupations. If you want coaching let me know.

  9. I agree with your mom that it won't break you. Unless you live somewhere with a tiny job market, there should be plenty of opportunities elsewhere. Furthermore, job offers that are made public like this one make up only 20% of all available jobs. Most positions are hidden, because employers first look in their network for candidates. Usually job search clubs teach the method to reach this hidden market. That's how I found my latest job. Hidden positions also have a lot less candidates since very few people know about them.
    I would be using this method right now if I knew in which direction to look, but at the beginning of my search in May after one week I had already two interviews scheduled

  10. I spent my twenties in university, and now at 34 I'm working outside of the academic field, and not even in the branch I studied in, and I'm actually pretty happy. It took me some years to transition to professional life. Like you, I was very attached to the student life, but realized it was caused by a difficulty transitioning to adulthood.
    I'd like to suggest the essay "Self-Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson that encouraged me to explore the professional world. It helped me relativize the concept of career, which is the idea of staying in the same field most of your life. Now, I think it's ok to have had 150 different jobs in your lifetime, as long as you are autonomous.
    If you don't like your job, it's fine to look elsewhere, the world is still an oyster, there are plenty of opportunities. Who knows, in some years you might even have your own business. In today's world everyone needs to have some degree of entrepreneurship in them. The age of holding a certain job until retirement is pretty much over.
    Regarding your relationship, I don't see any way it can last if your views about the future are so opposed. Again, the world is an oyster, there are plenty of men out there who correspond much more to your desires for family and marriage.

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