Hertz

Listless

Perhaps the desire to reach out to the artists/creators indicates a longing for human connection. Reaching out here is a good way to get support. Taking steps to find human connections in face to face interactions could help as well. That's easier said than done for sure, I don't know to what extent your mental health is an obstacle.

Come to dust - Boards of Canada

Moby d**k. Good. Romeo is bleeding. Okay.

Angry, hateful, bitter, sour.

I'm half the man I used to be.

I agree with the others that safety is important. I would talk to my doctor about PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis). It's a medication that can be taken either continuously or around the time of the sexual intercourse, depending how sexually active one is. It greatly reduces the chances of getting infected with hiv. It doesn't prevent infection from other diseases, so using a condom is still advised.

I don't want to become a nihilist, but I don't want to live a life of illusions and fantasy either. Some people say you can create your own meaning. That sounds great if you are creative and have enough vitality to realize your creations. I guess I ran out of steam. My mind doesn't come up with ideas. Not everyone can be an Elon Musk and have a billion ideas and the means to do them.

Anhedonic.

Birds singing.