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About dmxdex

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  1. I was last year diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder traits. I know i dont have BPD traits. My therapist believed this and my shrink went along with this. The meds i have tried are alot anti depressants, zoloft was the only one that really helped. Im currently on a mood stabilizer quetiapine which helps me sleep and thats about it. From childhood, i had all the symptons, always angry and agitated over tiny things. Always forgetful, very poor concentration levels, chronic bordem, walking up and down rooms when i was thinking, talking extremly fast, butting into conversations all the time, if i didnt i would struggle to wait my turn. Sleep problems and very tired alot of the time. I am now 27. I suffer with anxiety and depression i know both can be comorbid with ADHD. I have had 10 jobs in my life all last days to 3 months due to bordem and anxiety issues causing depression. I still am very forgetful, and struggle with concentration, example, if im on my pc reading something i am getting interested in and my tv is on the sound puts me off to a point were i cannot concentrate. Another is when i am playing darts and doing the scoring my mind tends to go blank alot of the time and my mind wonders and alot of times im thinking about something totally different even though i love darts. I have alot anger and agitation still, little things go wrong i punch objects and shout loud. example if something startles me i get very annoyed and shout and throw things, or if a ketchup bottle drop out of the cupboard i will shout and get angry at it. I have alot relationship problems. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years we have a 2 year old daughter. I seem to get very bored when i go round her for about 5 hours which really upsets me, its like i cannot enjoy it, even though i love them both, i them get paranoid and ask her if she is ok alot, i think that is the anxiety side of things and the worry. It then causes arguments and the next day im highly anxious and feel worried. I did an anxiety test online and scored 43 which said anxiety moderate to severe, I also did a BPD test and scored 18 which said people with this score can be diagnosed with traits or bpd but rarely. A number of my family members think i am ADHD. I think that in my heart i am, i need peoples opinions on what i have said above and if their is a big possibility how do i approach my pdoc with this on friday as i have not have the courage to say what i think. I also struggle to start projects and also struggle to finish such as tidying my room which rarely gets complete and is always messy. I also struggle with motivation problems since i was a child, i struggle in the mornings and feel annoyed tired and abit down. I can get into a computer game and get far and just dont finish. Its like ive gone completely bored of it after i was so into it. I love being on my own. I dont even want to sleep round my girlfriends house because i want my own time. I hate feeling like i dont want to socialize with anyone.
  2. dmxdex

    Answers To Curing Anhedonia/numbness/apathy, No. 1

    I dont socialize, i have BPD traits such as black and white thinking and impulsivity and some guilt issues. I get very paranoid, i have the interpersonal side of things. I also suffer from chronic boredom at times which may be me getting the 2 confused or mixed up. My pdoc thinks all this is the reason why i get depression and anxiety. I dont socialize much, im on my own most of the time and have been for years, i dont get excited about socializing like people do, I dont seem to enjoy the other of doing things alot of the time. Like i said i can for days feel fed up empty joyless and out of nowhere i get this sudden hit of excitement and joy and lifee doesnt feel so black anymore, Problem is that lasts a mere few seconds sometimes a few mins then gone. Zoloft made me alot more excited more often and not for seconds or minutes either, Proxac gave me a euphoric high, wow thats all i can say about that night. That came off the back of a few months of hard depression. I dont know why drugs dont work long in my system. It seems they work for a few weeks to 1 or 2 months after 2 weeks then back to the way i was. Not sure if i have a high immune system or something. Im not happy with my current diagnoses anyways, i still think i have possible ADHD. I had alot of the symptons as a child, however i was highly anxious as a child, but its common knowledge that depression and anxiety go with ADHD.
  3. dmxdex

    Answers To Curing Anhedonia/numbness/apathy, No. 1

    I appriciate this thread, i read it and bang, now i understand more of why i feel they way i do. I am unable to feel pleasurable activitys they way others do around me. I sometimes get this wave of excitementment however sometimes its their for seconds and it fizzles out and im back to numb. And it is interesting fluoxetine is on the list. That was the first AD i took, and it gave me a euphoric high, but i was drinking alchohol that night, i was going through major depression at the time. I did however get alot more consistant happiness and pleasure when i was taking zoloft for a few months so maybe my anhedonia is low in comparison to others. Could someone maybe comment on the last sentence above? Also reading about anhedonia, theirs motivational anhedonia, i suffer with motivation problems and have done for years im now 27.
  4. I have been on loads of different types of meds such as paxil, prozac, zolof, mirtazapine, effexor, and im currently on quetiapine. I suffer with depression and anxiety, My pdoc says i have borderline personality disorder traits, However meds either work for a very short period to help symptoms or are not working at all. I see my pdoc again soon, I have told him about quetipine not working that well and he wants to discuss things. I feel so hopeless right now, i feel as if i will never be able to live a normal life ever. I hear so many people have success with meds and i feel as if i am unable to. Zoloft was my most consistant med, however it stopped having an effect after 2 to 3 months, a dosage increase to 100mg made me worse at the time. Not sure if i have a high immune system or if i just havent found the right med or meds.
  5. Well i stll feel terrible. Feel depressed again. I dont see my pdoc until 28th next month, I wasnt impressed by him, and couldnt really say what i wanted to. It seems they want to keep me on 50mg of quetiapine. I feel its not working enough. It seem as if he said theirs not much more they can do other than CBT. I wont be able to do CBT until i feel better than i feel now.
  6. I missed my quetiapine dose sunday night as i was round my partners house and forgot to pack my meds. The next day on monday. i was fine, some stomach pains and headaches but mood wise fine. When i took my dose the that night i was fine until it kicked in, i was very tired and full of agitation. This morning i have felt extremely tired like when i first started taking them, and i feel very angry and agitated. Is this normal?
  7. I did forget the mention that wave of excitement lasts a few seconds.
  8. I tend to be bored alot which i find can create agitation and sometimes anger. Im not sure if that is also could emptiness aswell. What i get confused about is depression, Im not sure if i get boredom and depression mixed up alot of the time. Generally i dont feel optimistic about things or happy, excited. Sometimes when im doing things i get this wave of excitement which feels very good, its like the sun has come out. Is that common for depression suffers? I have been on my first mood stabilizer for about 2 months. Quetiapine 50mb which hasnt touched my anxiety and hasnt help with my anger and impulsivity. It has help alittle in my relationship, I tend to suffer with the interpersonal relationship side of things. For me alot of the time i dont feel optimistic and board alot of the time, i do can feel hopeless on a number of occassions aswell. Just advice on if alot of what i have mentioned is depression.
  9. I am unable to get MBT for free in the uk and dont have the money to pay for it right now. Is it possible to self train with books for BPD?
  10. Apart from insulting my partner calling her a Biotch when i couldnt control it coming out of my mouth no lol. My moods improve at night which is the norm for depression. Im going to get my shrink to change the meds. My dad and bro really putting me down at the moment, saying that meds will never make me better and that they dont work. Is their any truth to this? O and happy xmas everyone.
  11. Will have to wait until after xmas now.
  12. It says if you feel more depressed mroe anxious and irratable which i am then call ya gp. I dont do suicides though. So should i just wait it out till week after next?
  13. I have GAD and its increased my anxiety too. I just hope i adjust, my next apointment isnt until the 31st.
  14. I have been on seroquel for 3 days 25mg in the morning and 25mg before bedtime. I feel very foggy and find myself sleeping alot. I am also feeling more depressed than what i was when i wasnt on them. Is this normal?