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Everything posted by surfcaster

  1. Theres nothing like good news and things moving in a positive direction to brighten the dark spaces we find ourselves in, I'm happy for you
  2. Awesome, maybe things are looking up
  3. Awesome, step 1 as planned, now step 2 the final step will go smoothly, i hope
  4. Yes sober4life you are correct, all in or all out. I've been all out for a long time but recent events has me doubting, even though the answer appears to be right in front of me
  5. A good walk can help clear your mind, i always needed to do some kind of hard physical work to get my frustration out
  6. Thank you nightjar, your insight and understanding is appreciated
  7. So ive decided that with all that I've gone through in my life personally, with being in the hospital and suicide ideations and depression and all, i just need time to comprehend everything and see where my mind is at before i put anyone else before myself, my wife convinced me of that and she was right, I'm heart broken for mom, but if i don't look out for myself first i could be the next one in the ground, what do i really owe them.
  8. Thank you for the thoughtful input
  9. House sold is the 1st big step towards getting your new living quarters, hopefully that comes quick and it becomes your dream home
  10. Some of you may know my history with my family, not much contact really because i had to have it that way, got a call from my sister in the middle of the night, mom is dying from cancer, is it ok that i really don't have a reaction, is it ok that i dont have an emotion, do i really just not care or will i fell it later, I'm just confused right now on how i should feel, or on if i want to feel, and will i regret it later if i don't feel anything and i do nothing.
  11. I wish my neighbor would control their cat, she has it in all day and puts it out at bedtime for the night, im sick of cat poop in my mulch and paw prints on my car and everywhere else, she's making me despise cats
  12. I learned a long time ago by advice from a friend and it goes like this, you mean nothing to the company, if you were fired or quit tomorrow they'd be interviewing 20 people for your job, hire 1 quickly and never think of you again, and she was right, after that i looked at my employment completely different.
  13. That aint scaring me, i NEED my fan to even think about sleeping
  14. yeah i get it, I'm grumpy from snow white to some people and I'm ok with that
  15. sure, i just say what my mind thinks all the time, i mean why not, i figure at this point you all are at least going to say what needs to be said without beating around the bush
  16. Just don't visit him, your first and if going there puts your mental state in jeopardy then no
  17. Yes doing physical therapy 3 times a week, it's making sleeping worse but she said it would until the strength improves
  18. Beach party idea was great, right up until i realized there were hundreds of people there, i did ok but anxious through the roof. Guess i just aint ready for that yet, and not being able to drink made it weird, but i did it sober, live band was good so i just focused on that
  19. So far so good today, didn't sleep at all, shoulder in pain but that was expected as we work on healing it, but sunny and 80 degrees with a light breeze on the bay, beach party later.
  20. Maybe this roommate will be a positive for you
  21. Your peace will come when you are away from the triggers at moms and you're on your own, at least that's what should happen
  22. Its midnight, today was the first good day in a long time, spent time hanging by the bay, installed 2 ceiling fans, much needed, hung out with neighbors outside by tiki torch light, feel hopeful, goodnight friends
  23. Anger for no reason must have an underlying cause, sometimes atm we just dont see what it is, was your therapy apt productive
  24. The hatred is gonna eat you up inside, dont play into her game, she wants you angry and mixed up inside, do your best to shrug it off and do your thing anyway
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