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Posts posted by surfcaster

  1. 8 hours ago, Nightjar said:

    Another day, another toxic drama. Not well today with waterworks problems and narc mom just criticising me and bossing me about all day. Just had an argument.

    I just can't hold it down lately which scares me because I don't want to spend every day fighting and angry. Also, I don't want things to escalate to crazy fights. 

    My head is shot at the minute. I've just come out to try and clear it a bit. 


    Sorry you had a rough day, i do understand not wanting to constantly argue with her and escalating things, getting out probably was the best thing to calm things down, I'm too stubborn to do that, after childhood bullying i just flat out refuse to back down, your way was more civil and correct and i applaud you for it, tomorrow should be better.

  2. Not sure how to feel right now, I'm all alone until tuesday for the first time since getting out of the hospital,  i mean I'm ok but it just feels weird, i grew accustomed to having someone always there asking how i was everyday and if i was ok, right now it kinda feels releiving to be able to just be me, all messed up and strange but me you know, now it's possible i could need to talk about thoughts but y'all are always here so, here's to getting to know myself by myself again. 

  3. 3 hours ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

    So I been in real bad pain for 16 days and pain meds were helping a little not much but they haven’t been helping for like 4 or 5 days so yea that’s how am doing

    Sorry you are in pain cherry, is there something else docs can do to ease the pain, i know how frustrating it can be, pain caused me to not sleep for weeks which caused me to get in a delerium which put me back in the hospital,  please try something to manage the pain

  4. 5 hours ago, Nightjar said:

    Ha ha. It was, it was fun. I felt loads better afterwards. Ok, I didn't wanna come back to mom's afterwards but at least I had a nice day till then 🤔

    How's it goin today surfcaster? 


    Been out fishing and enjoying nice weather with a new friend i met near our new house, good day

  5. 7 hours ago, Nightjar said:

    Nervous. Going to see someone I haven't seen in a long time..I always feel ashamed when that happens. Anyway, it's to get a bit of support and so hopefully it will do me good. Wish me luck ☘️

    It just may end up being a lovely time, here's to you having fun

  6. 1 hour ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

    I’m still down, still at 0%, still can’t talk to anyone, still being an idiot, I still don’t know what I want, I still can’t die, I’m full of crap, I hate people, people hate me, still can’t move on, still my fault. 

    I forgot how to be kind n compassionate to myself and love myself. It’s silly going through therapy and knowing the theory and yet I’m still here like this. 

    Yeah, it's hard when you know what should help you but you just can't let it sink in, self loathing gets in the way because we believe we deserve  it which is not the case, sometimes we think people hate us when really they just don't understand and steer clear

  7. 1 hour ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

    Life isn’t okay right now and hasn’t been okay for longer then three weeks a new thing to stress over everyday and pain bad enough to want to go to the hospital 

    Seems like we generally stress over the fact we're stressed,  twisted world, please try to do something nice for yourself and relax, maybe meditate or soothing music 

  8. 3 hours ago, JD4010 said:

    I've got bad arthritis in my elbows and knees. I'm also down to about 40% normal lung capacity--genetic condition and then double pneumonia back in January. I'm lucky though--I'm capable of walking at a reasonable speed again. When I got out of the hospital, walking 15 feet to the bathroom was a task comparable to climbing Mt Everest for me.

    Well im glad you are climbing back and are able to walk good again, yeah arthritis sucks, got both my knees, feet and spine but it ain't stopping us though.

  9. 27 minutes ago, anon22ae said:

    I'm not a professional, but going for weeks without drinking would indeed seem to suggest you're fine on that front. It doesn't sound like you miss it or long for it during those weeks.

    I also feel that my assessment is contrary to professional opinion, though it's the other way around: I probably have a problem, despite that the doctor isn't picking it up during the physical. On the other hand, he started giving me a questionnaire to detect alcoholism. I'm more or less truthful on it, yet he only warned me to make sure to keep it under control.

    Well what i left out was at one time i had a drug abuse problem,  never alcohol but they lump them all together which i disagreement with.

  10. I'm not sorry for myself because i enjoyed it, but to those who were hoping i stayed sober I'm terribly sorry, i met an old friend and had a few drinks, maybe more then a few but I'm ok, i never really felt alcohol was a problem but the docs and the hospital did, i can and do go weeks without drinking so i feel im in control  contrary to professional opinion, my issue was always life and family stressors leading to depression and suicide, alcohol was an escape occasionally,  i had fun tonight, please don't see me as weak, i don't want to let y'all down

  11. 3 hours ago, Nightjar said:

    Managed to front it out today for my favourite narc ..

    I was in tears this am coz she was making a mockery of my birthday but I pulled myself together to enjoy what I could. She didn't win this time 😁

    Was today your birthday? If so im terrible sorry i didn't recognize it

  12. 2 hours ago, monicott17 said:

    Having a miserable week. 😭  Disillusioned and disoconnected with work. And growing more frustrated with my living situation…it is hard to live with people who just don’t understand. I have tried to explain things but it is no use. Going to talk about it with my therapist and see if he can help.

    it is really hard to explain to people what you feel and go through, it is even harder to explain it to people you don't know too well,  most people think they know what depression and anxiety are but in reality are completely wrong in their thinking,  and when you try to explain the truth of things they don't beleive it, hoping you find a way to make things work.

  13. 5 hours ago, Nightjar said:

    I feel really vulnerable today, like a child. I have no means of escape from the daily criticism and insults..She even b*tches about me to the people around me. I haven't done anything to anyone. I'm a good person. 

    She did the thing with the shower again today. She likes to turn it off to inconvenience me if I don't do as I'm told in some way...Today I wasn't eating on demand....My sister is obese because she tows the line....My sister is also very damaged.

    What is almost worse is the falseness afterwards....The false niceness after the insults...I'm starting to think that all of the niceness is false and the b*tchy undercurrent is her through and through.

    She likes to stare at me. It freaks me out.

    i really am going to also celebrate for you when you get your new place and are on your own in total control and out from under that dark umbrella, that place just seems like an all consuming cancer, just hold on a bit longer.

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