[My father is dying - TW]

31 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Thank you so very much. He passed away today. Thankfully, there was no pain and he went peacefully. 

Prayers for you and the family

[My father is dying - TW]

Im so sorry to hear this sad news river, may he rest in peace

[the truth i never spoke in detail]

4 hours ago, sober4life said:

We have very similar stories.  Basically everyone that ever reads what you just posted is rooting for you.  They want love to win.  They want the angel to win.  

Thanks for all the support,  sometimes it's all i got

[the truth i never spoke in detail]

7 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

...I'm sure that talking about it could be a release in a way...maybe enable some emotions to purge...And if our story is accepted and we are loved unconditionally then that would be the ultimate healing...

Its a rare thing though, the unconditional love. Do therapists have it? Nah. Very rare.

..Fellow survivors are more likely to have that acceptance and empathy in my opinion...But slowly, slowly, like you say. Make sure.

Ignore all advice as appropriate

Thanks nightjar, as you stated peple in similar circumstances know us more then anyone else. None of it was shared for the reasons you mentioned and i think my therapist will be the only one for a while, then maybe group, we will see.

Thanks for your sincere support 

[the truth i never spoke in detail]

29 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Thankyou for sharing this surfcaster....I knew that we had things in common......turns out it was parental abuse.

You didn't deserve that abuse and I'm so happy you found your lovely wife.

 

50 minutes ago, sober4life said:

We have very similar stories.  Basically everyone that ever reads what you just posted is rooting for you.  They want love to win.  They want the angel to win.  

I guess it's time after all these years to talk about it and stop holding it in, I'm still thinking i should spare my wife the horrors though, I'm going to open up this conversation with my therapist who persistantly dug after in futility, maybe group night not sure though, that might take a while, question is though do you think after all this time it will even matter. Or is it better left buried. 

[what made me how i am]

Yesterday's therapy session left me mentally exhausted, it's hard going over all that stuff yet again, and i was just in a state of vegetation afterwards

[I had to take medical leave from my new job]

Ive taken a year or more off work twice because of this illness and just recently quit for good because i couldn't do it anymore,  you're not alone

Hugs

[what made me how i am]

Drug pusher, err ahh i mean Psych doc this morning did his regular schpeel,  swapped out 1 med for another and sent me on my way. Now on my way to therapist to get my mind examined and prodded,  shouldn't say that, she helped me a lot before actually, anyway,  that's me

[Dedications....]

lean on me by bill withers

[Same old story, last chapter]

a lot has changed since june, been away for a while, got a new doc and therapist, feeling the best i have in a long time, im not the same old my own worst enemy anymore even though that wants to creep back in a lot of times, i feel like im in control again even though there are lapses

[Same old story, last chapter]

the more things change the more they stay the same, nothing seems to change except for the geography

[don't belong on here]

 feel like i need to retire this whiny ass blog entry and start something that doesn't sound so drab, hey maybe this is a sign,  wow i just recognized a positive

[don't belong on here]

so i opened the door in therapy and she didn't waste any time stepping through and getting to the long ago set in stone stuff, things i stopped talking to myself about, things i didn't ever want to go over again, thank god she knows to hold back when she sees it getting rough,  she asked me if it would be easier for me to write it all down and bring it in some day for her to read as opposed to me trying to verbalize it all, she said sometimes that's easier because she can get to it in round about ways that would make it easier for me, but i don't know

[don't belong on here]

yeah i think my anxiety and self consciousness just gets me reading into things that aren't there you know, i mean i've learned through my entire life that no one wants to hear about it so i just assume, it's hard to re learn but you all know all about that im sure  

[don't belong on here]

why did i release long held secrets about me that only i knew, how can i ever be comfortable with my wife again now that she knows i am not the person she thought i was or can ever be again, i'm a fraud, a fake, just a great big untruth, there's no way to undo this and i'm so confused right now

[don't belong on here]

I'm sorry, ya,ll are great, didnt want it to sound like i was minimizing you're problems, i just feel like i go on about it too much and like in my world people don't want to keep hearing about it, probably not true but it's still how i feel, cant unlearn a lifetime of keep that crap to yourself comments,

Anyway in an hour it's off to therapy and i still don't know what im gonna share

[re-learning what makes me ok]

ok so i can't stop working so now i just have to figure out how to not get fired from the obvious severe depressed worker issues or snapping out on somebody and do something bad

[Same same]

i understand, i have the other oar, going through the same thing here myself, hang in there im sure you can row back out again since you know the way

[What's The Point?]

i really can't tell you anything you haven't heard a million times.

eccept i am living proof that it can get better,

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[I Feel Like Posting This On Facebook]

and that's perfectly fine to not post much when you don't feel up to it, just know that we care deeply for your well being.

as far as letting someone down i really don't think that has happened, anyone who understands depression knows how it makes you feel, exspecially friends. so don't beat yourself up about it.

take care and we will see you when you are ready

[Cancelled Appointment.]

I know it's hard to want to talk about youself and your problems when so many have shunned you but that is not the case with your therapist, there are no right or wrong words or things to talk about, the more they know the more they can help you. please make the call and set up another apointment

[Need To Die]

keep plugging away and don't ever give up, it will work out, I went from a failed attempt and years of severe depression to being fairly well and go days without thinking about being depressed or sad , stay strong, if your docs and therapist are not helping make a change until you find ones who do help

[Not Depressed, But Getting There Again.....]

I found that going to a nice quiet place where I can't be intreupted, sometimes my car, and sit there and meditate for a while gave me renewed strength to go back and continue what I was doing with a little less stress, make sure you also take the breaks during the day that are due to you

[Conducting Job Interviews]

spent all day interviewing and im going to make one offer and have four open jobs, qualifications people read them first before aplying

[Exited About Going To The Beach]

so my excitement about going to the beach has been transformed into great sadness, im not sure I even want to go now but i probably will just so I can be nearby in case my cousin needs support or anything. im sure I won't go out onto the beach, it will remind me too much of the times I spent there with them