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Everything posted by littlesongbird

  1. ok thank you. i tried to see a doctor but it didnt go well. and i am not working now, so i dont feel like i can right now.
  2. I am 34 years old and my brother is 32 years old. We have always lived with my parents. My brother is literally my best friend. I never had too many friends. I had 2 friends at the most. I am not dealing with it very well. I really don't want him to go and it is making me extremely depressed. I think it is making me think about my own life and the chances I didn't take. Like how I didn't have the guts to date this guy or drive or get a better job or get a car or move out. And right now, I am not working because I was laid off. And to be honest, when I think about moving out myself I get very nervous and scared. I am scared to be so alone and own my own. I guess that isn't really normal for a 34 year old. I dunno, I needed to get this off my chest somewhere. I guess I do wonder what do people think about this? I don't really have anyone to talk about it like this .It is making me panicky and making me feel like I need to start thinking about this.
  3. Thank you Lacewing. Your post was very helpful to me.
  4. But if I back out of the appointment, I wont ever go
  5. Yeah. I am wanting to back out of the appointment. And now I am scared to ask my boss for off tomorrow.
  6. I am freaking out because I made an appointment at a social anxiety place. Yes, I have social anxiety. And now the appointment is on Wednesday. But I will have to go into work tomorrow and ask for off on Wednesday. I am really, really, very nervous to do this. Is it normal to ask for off one day in advance?
  7. But what if I am alone forever? What if I am supposed to be married and having a baby soon. that is what i think about.
  8. I am 32 years old. I have no goals. I am numb. When I think about dating I feel nothing. Or I just dread it. I am single. I have always been single except for 6 months of my life. I have a job. I have a car. I live with my parents. I have saved my money. But I am stuck and numb. Food was the only thing that made me feel better. But now I am fat. I joined a dating site. I talk to guys. But, I am too lazy to really do anything. I feel nothing.
  9. I feel like I am losing it. Like I am losing my mind. And no one cares.
  10. The problem is my anxiety stops me. I feel so much pressure in regards to dating him and then yes, I would like to contact my friend again - but - I most likely have hurt her by not speaking to her 100 times. At some point, I feel like I need to take responsibility for my own actions and STOP contacting her because it always ends up the same way. Of course I could date him without her knowing, but since he lives so far - it feels like such a big deal to me. I guess I have been sheltered too much. And I feel like meeting up with him is a huge deal. Yes, I like him....but praticallly speaking I have a hard time making plans with my friend who lives 10 minutes away. I have social anxiety. So, when you combine all these factors together....it makes me freak out. The driving, the planning, i think of my old friend, i think back when i met him and didnt feel anything. i am scared of that happening again. I don't want to hurt him and I feel like I am too deep in this now all because I am lonley and wanted someone to talk to. I can't tell if I like him or not since I havent seen him./...but seeing him is so risky to me. I know I could jsut take the risk and I would if it wasnt so hard for me. Regardless what anyone says 2 hours is far for me. 1 hour is even far. I get anxiety about driving. I havent driven very far ever. Even if he came too see me, I am not sure how that would go. I live with my parents. It sort of feels like I will hang out with him and it will be a huge deal since it will have to be a whole weekend. He did mention meeting halfway, but I am not good at planning and then I would have to drive him because right now he cant drive because of a DUI - which is a whole other story in itself.
  11. I truly need some help here. I am experiencing constant worrying. I have lost a friendship about 2 years ago. She moved an hour away, got married and had babies. Her sister just got married this Saturday. I only know this because it is on the internet. I keep obsessing about the friendship and feeling guilty for not staying in better contact with her.. However, I have stopped talking to her many times through the course of the friendship and I don't feel like it would be right to contact her again. I do not see a solution on how to get me to stop worrying about this though. It's like I just want to feel OK and stop worrying. I can't concentrate at work and I can't sleep right. Secondly, there is this guy who lives two hours away that I like talking to, but I think he may live too far to date. Also, I met him when I was with my ex-friend. So I lump all of this together with my worrying. I feel like since I am not friends with her anymore that I can't date him because I feel like she should know. And also he reminds me of the past. I feel guilty and regret about things in the past. These people are from the past. I would like to move on because of all this worry / anxiety I am experiencing. But, then I look around and I don't have anyone else. I have one other friend.
  12. Basically, I stopped talking to my friend. I did this a lot over the course of the friendship. So we have a lot of on and off times. However last year, I emailed her and she responded and said it has been a long time and she was on maternity leave. I was hurt because she didn't tell me she was pregnant or even had the baby. And I was hurt because it felt like it meant she gave up on our friendship a while ago. She emailed me recently in May to wish me a happy birthday and I didn't respond. I think the reason she emailed me was because of her sisters wedding. but i didnt want to go, so i didnt respond now the wedding is over and i am missing her I have to admit this doesn't make sense....like I think I miss her when it has been a long time or if i hear from her. But, if I were to talk to her, I am not sure it would go well or be good for me. I also have to admit my thoughts are really obsessing over this. That is why I wrote this post and am hoping I can get some opinions on what I should do? I have very few friends, that is also why I think I am so obsessive. I also am afraid she will say something about how I dropped off the face of the earth again OR that i stopped talking to her.
  13. Yeah. that is the other thing. it felt like it totally magnified my problems. she even said to me, i can see why you are depressed. i feel like she was just searching for anything and everything negative in my life. like the littlest thing...and then it was a huge deal. it will sort of silly to me. like...i know that not everyone has a perfect family life. i feel like, if i dont go back to her...that i am giving up on myself. and yet, i feel like if i do go back,...it could be even worse and then - i wont go back. like my dad says i could try it one more time and see. argh. i did call another one but she never got back to me.
  14. I posted here a couple days ago about being scared to see a therapist. Well, I went. I am depressed and have social anxiety. The session was horrible. She asked me many questions and it was overwhelming. She asked about my parents and my extended family. It was really hard. I don't see what any of this gets to do with my problems now. Like, I don't really want to talk about the past. I feel like going to her opened up a can of worms. Now all I can think about is how I am living my life wrong. Like, she asked who I live with and I said my parents and brother. Then she asked me if I am scared to be independent. That feels like to me she is saying I am scared to be independent. I sort of let go of a friendship....now I am thinking...was I wrong to do that? If I have social anxiety - which I knew any way.....but this makes it real. And it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. I know this is the whole point why I went to see her. But, it feels awful hearing someone else say it and point it out. And honestly, I am not sure I can move out of my parents house. I know she wasnt saying I had to. But it was clear her view on it was that I would be independent if I did. Now I feel at a loss. I understand it was only one appointment and it was just questioning. For two days, I was thinking I was NOT going to go back to see her. But now I am thinking, I probably should. But I am afraid and scared it will be even worse. I do not speak well. I am quiet and I find this entire thing really difficult. I do feel like this lady, must think I am weird. and i even told her that at the end. And she said no. But, I didnt really believe her. I feel like a child in a 32 year old's body. It is also making me anxious, like I need to so something now. I know I need to change. But, I dont know what And then I think of people who were in my life and feel like I did it all wrong.
  15. A couple months back my Primary Doctor put me on Prozac. After 4 months I just stopped taking it and didn't go back to him. It just felt like such a chore to have to see him. I realize this was not a good decision. Is it weird if I go back to him? What am I supposed to say? I suffer from anxiety, depression and very much PMS/PMDD....which is why I think he put me on Prozac. I am really shy / anxious / self-conscious about this. I feel like such a bother. In my head, I think he must think I'm nuts. He also said I should see a therapist and I still haven't done that. He will probably ask again. I mean does it matter that I haven't done that yet? I have called places, but still waiting. I have to be honest, I don't completely care about therapy....I really just want the anxiety/depression to stop.
  16. Does anyone have any advice on how I can find a therapist? I am a very shy/socially anxious person. Can anyone maybe suggest how I can do this?
  17. I am really depressed and I don't know what to do. It feels like it will never end. It is not because of a reason, it is because I have no life. No friends, no boyfriend. I am scared.
  18. I guess my problem is - where can I meet someone?
  19. I am 31 years old. I have not dated a lot. I have social anxiety. And I think somewhere along the line I gave up. A lot of the time I figure since I am so quiet and shy, I won't meet anyone. I get dejected and don't try. I do want to meet someone. I just don't know how. I want a quality person, not just anyone. Two of my cousins are getting married soon and I guess it is finally making me realize I would like that too.
  20. I made an appointment with my doctor on Monday. I want to bring up my feelings of anxiety and depression. This is a long time coming to talk to someone about it. I just don't know what to say or what to expect.
  21. My brain gets bored. I think of the past. I think of the chances I have had and regrets. I mean we are talking things from 8-4 years ago. Relationships that went nowhere or didn't amount to much or didn't work out. I never meet anyone new. I don't know where or how to meet anyone. Besides work I am at home alone most of the time on my computer. What could I do to meet others? Anyone know?
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