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velvetpuddles

Senior Member
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velvetpuddles last won the day on July 29

velvetpuddles had the most liked content!

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About velvetpuddles

  • Rank
    Senior Member
  • Birthday 09/22/1987

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Western PA

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  1. velvetpuddles

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    Day 2 headache.
  2. velvetpuddles

    What Are You Eating? #2

    Peach pie with vanilla ice cream. The breakfast of champions.
  3. velvetpuddles

    Every day is like Sunday

    Oh boy. Yes, this is very much me, as well. The depression comes and goes, I know that. But the anxiety...it's woven into every fiber of my being.
  4. velvetpuddles

    creativity-when-depressed-part-two

    I agree with this completely. I'm usually completely embarrassed by my art and writing. But I'm trying to show it all anyway and figure out how to get some confidence and pride in myself, haha. Lovely painting, though! I really like it!
  5. velvetpuddles

    creativity-when-depressed-part-two

    I hope it's okay to just link to my gallery. I just uploaded 7 new paintings and it's really annoying to link individually from my phone! https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/gallery/album/1408-me-and-my-life/ These encompass my painting activity since the last time I posted paintings a couple months ago, all except one of sunflowers, which was done specifically for someone. Aside from the snow leopard, I've been veering straight into abstract. It's just fun and soothing.
  6. velvetpuddles

    I'm enjoying this plateau.

    Everything is still holding steady for me. I've been getting along great with B and our neighbors. We take walks around the neighborhood and sit on the porch for hours most evenings chatting. This has become one of my most pleasant and stress-free summers now that all the rotten dust has settled. I'm looking forward to fall coming soon. Neighbor has mentioned for certain that I'll be invited to her bridal shower next month and to they're wedding in October. It's so stupid, but I was getting anxious that I wouldn't be invited. I don't know why, but it was eating away at me. B's son is here this weekend and he is growing into such a well-mannered sweetheart of a young man. He's over the moon about the police badge I made him. We all watched Batman and The Avengers movies last night, he loves them. Today, he asked so nicely for "Mr. Wonka's chocolate factory," so we put the old one on since we watched the new one last week. Then he asked for the new one when it finished. This kid loves Wonka. He sings along with all the songs and tells when the kids aren't being nice. I just adore this kid. He is so smart and so silly; for how exhausting he can be (he IS 5 after all), he just warms my heart. Being able to be a part of his life and watch him grow up over the years has been such a gift. I also received my 5 year anniversary gift from work today. A big ole box with a plaque inside. I thought that's all it was, but the kid was playing with the box and found a ring sizer, which was weird. Turned out to also have a catalog in the box for me to pick a gift. After much anxiety trying to decide, I ended up picking a pair of sterling silver earrings. I cannot believe I'm still working for them after 5 years...I should've been laid off years ago after we were bought out. Anyway, I guess things are going pretty well right now. As long as everything keeps holding steady on this plateau, I think I'll be okay. I still have one MAJOR life stressor ahead of me, but I'm trying not to dwell too much on it. I'm still fragile, I know. And I don't think I'll ever be rid of this anxiety. But I think I'm managing fairly well for the time being.
  7. velvetpuddles

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    Thanks! I can't stop smiling about. His reaction was so purely happy and innocent. Just some foil glued on to cardboard magically turned him into a police officer...kids have the absolute best way of living. I was hoping this would bring someone else some joy, too!!
  8. velvetpuddles

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    My heart is melting right now. I told my roommate's son last week that I'd make a police badge for him the next time he came over. And I completely forgot until this afternoon, about two hours before he was showing up. So I ran around and made a badge out of cardboard and aluminum foil with Elmer's glue and sharpie, and glued a pin on the back. I just surprised him with it now that it's dried. He was almost breathless because he was so happy. He just kept saying "whoooooaaa" really softly while staring at it, like it was the holy Grail. I'm pretty sure I heard him say "hubba hubba" to the badge when I was walking away.
  9. velvetpuddles

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    Yeah, that's about how my days usually go lol.
  10. velvetpuddles

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    I feel okay, I guess. Just taking things as they come. Anxiety and paranoia flare up daily about the most random s***, but my life is so static and regular that it usually passes on its own. The most exciting things going on are watching my ex's ex implode over their break-up because she is insanely immature. (Hey, I spent 3 weeks trying to help her... trying to help the girl my ex cheated on me with...) And kitty chases and wrestling matches. Those furry poop factories make me smile every day.
  11. velvetpuddles

    Random updates and a ridiculously long dream.

    Haha, sometimes I remember them, sometimes I don't. This one happened after I woke up and then fell back asleep for an hour or so...I'm surprised how much I remembered, but I think that's because it was very emotional. I go through phases with dreaming. A couple weeks ago, I was having dreams about clocking in to work, talking about silverware, and reading DF posts. Extremely drab and lifeless!
  12. velvetpuddles

    Real life in TV.

    I started watching a show called You're The Worst. It's silly and cynical about people and love. I started the second season recently, which involves one of the main characters revealing her lifetime battle with depression as she fell into another clinical episode. And here I am. I'm back to work today after a day off yesterday, and I couldn't bear the thought of sitting at my desk (a whole 3 feet from my bed), so I dragged my work computer to my bed and have been "working" from a horizontal position while watching this show. I'm laying here, feeling brain dead, while watching a character overcome with one of the most convincing portrayals of anhedonia and depression I've ever seen in a TV show. She is enduring the "help" that her boyfriend tries to provide even though he admittedly doesn't understand clinical depression at all. He even pulled out the "just snap out of it" cliche. "You need to stop. It's like you have amnesia. Every day, you think things are gonna be different, and I'll just be happy. Well, maybe you can understand this. I feel nothing. About anything. Dogs, candy, old Blondie records, nachos, you, us, nothing. So for the last time, please go." "I'm scraped out. I'm... that car we sent to Mars, flipped upside down so the sun can't reach my solar panels. I've always been able to flip myself back over eventually but...I ran out of times. This is how I am now." Sometimes, when I'm stuck in bed all day, it's hard to remind myself that it doesn't have to be like this forever. I've always flipped myself back over eventually; there's no reason why I still can't. I need to stop this backsliding. My anxiety is getting out of control and it's really dragging me down.
  13. velvetpuddles

    creativity-when-depressed-part-two

    You, too! Thank you. My creative juices have been flowing back into painting and metalwork; the words have dried up! Keep it going! I love reading the poetry here!
  14. velvetpuddles

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    I've kept some distance from the forums to try to deal with this wave of anxiety and paranoia in a productive, positive way - i.e. distraction. I did yardwork, planted flowers, cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, painted, made a metal hair fork and metal bookmark, etc etc etc. I came on here yesterday and tried to put into words what I was feeling because distraction didn't help. As I posted it, I figured I was just bottling it up like I did last year, which led to my breakdown. I talked to B about it, cried, got some clarification, and realized how afraid I was of another breakdown, that I felt stuck in some self-fulfilling prophecy loop. Of course, one day's revelation doesn't always linger. But I am feeling a little better. Still feeling anxious and paranoid, I think from a general lack of stability and control. But que sera, sera, I guess. My love to you all.
  15. velvetpuddles

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    I've been starting to have these unexplainable feelings, similar to what I felt last winter before everything fell apart. It's an uneasy, suspicious, anxious feeling, like something is going on behind my back, almost paranoid. Last winter it was based on a feeling/thought that my then fiance was cheating on me, which turned out to be true. I don't know what it is this time, but I'm scared and worried. I'm afraid my world is going to crash and burn.
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