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screenman

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  1. Like
    screenman got a reaction from Dolphin2013 in Doughnuts?   
    Going to pick up some doughnuts tonight but I'm feeling much better than when I first posted this...
    So hang in there guys... Things can & will get better... I still visit here once in a while & it puts my life in
    perspective...  Now I'm going to get some HOT Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.. You guys should treat yourself 
    to something special...
  2. Like
    screenman got a reaction from flasquish in Doughnuts?   
    Going to pick up some doughnuts tonight but I'm feeling much better than when I first posted this...
    So hang in there guys... Things can & will get better... I still visit here once in a while & it puts my life in
    perspective...  Now I'm going to get some HOT Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.. You guys should treat yourself 
    to something special...
  3. Like
    screenman reacted to Fullmetal91 in What Keeps You Going   
    How do I cope with myself... Firstly I'm not the smiley type. I'm one of those rare smiles and if I do it is a sincere one one. And usually its a good joke or seeing a dog or a flying mamouth (skyrim glitch).
    Coffee ☕ in the morning, at diner, in the evening and at supper sure helps. I also raise my hopes buying my milk at the corner dépanneur just to see the gorgeous smile from the cute young woman I have a secret crush on and hope one day I would be able to talk to her and ask her out.
    Otherwise the reason I keep going on is to remain sober sober, not let my illness win and because I believe that there must be something bettEr somewhere somehow. It just feels impossible that my life remains like this forever.
  4. Like
    screenman reacted to RatBoy in What Keeps You Going   
    Possibility.
     
    Understanding.
     
    There are certainly times where I, a reasonably ugly 56-year old divorced man with no family (OK - a half-brother who's 81 and lives a thousand miles away) and few friends REALLY wants to not wake up in the morning.  Wishes he could buy a shotgun, drive off into the country and never be heard from again.
     
    But then I realize that I've had some successes in my life.  Can make almost anyone laugh.  Can have a reasonably intelligent conversation on most subjects.  Done some fun stuff.  Dated some really nice women.  Been married, though we could only sustain the momentum for a little over four years.  And I realize that, though I can get REALLY down on myself, I'm at bottom no different from anyone else on the planet.  Same basic DNA.  Same basic capabilities.  I've had some bad breaks which have led me to where I am now.  Which have led me to depression, which has clung to me for decades.
     
    And so I hope.  Every day.  That something somehow will click for me.  That someone will step out of the shadows and recognize that I'm a pretty decent guy.  With a pretty decent brain.  With feelings.  And compassion for others.  And a heart.
     
    So I hope.  And try.  I reach out to friends.  Joined a couple of clubs.  Visit relatives.  Work out.  Try to improve my diet.  Smile and say hi to everyone I come across.
     
    Not yet.  But I still hope.
  5. Like
    screenman reacted to elle91 in Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?   
    I think it's very normal to question the point of everything-- working, doing anything-- and to experience serious depression from a lack of meaning in your life. I don't know what the answer is, but you always hear that giving yourself over in service to others (or god, for people that believe in god) is where people find meaning and ultimately happiness, so maybe that's somewhere to start. Instead of trying to improve your own outlook on life directly, try to help others, even if it's just shoveling a neighbor's snow or something, maybe you'll find meaning in simple kindness like so many others have.
  6. Like
    screenman reacted to mellabella in Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?   
    Wee Megz I have to say you sound very brave in the face of very difficult circumstances. Everyone who posts here is trying their best and I admire you all. I can relate a lot. I think we can sell ourselves short in terms of what we are capable of (because we know how incapable we feel even tho it may not necessarily show in our performance) but at the same time you have to do what feels right for you at the time in terms of stress and finances. You are all amazing and sharing this journey encourages me a lot (even if im not so great at replying sometimes hehe sorry).
  7. Like
    screenman reacted to GoldenEve in Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?   
    Might be funny to say but I think that for me personally, I'm getting less depressed when I'm working, probably because my mind get busy thinking about work and nothing else. I do get stress at time though, but again it's stress related to work and every two weeks when I get paid it feel like the stress that I get from work is all worth it.
  8. Like
    screenman reacted to soakedkitty in Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?   
    Oh, its was absolutely toxic for me... but the job itself was pretty cool. I basically got paid to sit on my butt and play the animals, lol. I've never had anyone teach me how to deal/cope with difficult times/situations. Not being able to really talk to anyone about anything in my childhood messed that up for me, I think. But the animals are awesome. They don't judge. They just want love, and they are great listeners. They want you to sit down so they can lay in your lap while you love on them. Throw 'em a treat or two, and you've just made a friend for life.
  9. Like
    screenman reacted to radiohead in Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?   
    I also work full-time, but in a competitive field in a tough environment. No mistakes or weakness is tolerated. No complaints against you are tolerated (if anyone complains about you, you're fired). It doesn't help my perfectionism or my self-esteem to feel like I have to constantly perform at 110% and never even annoy anybody else. Everyone acts like we're curing cancer, but we're actually doing something much more mundane, people's egos and self-importance are just unrestrained. The workplace culture rewards brash decision-makers, not patient follow-through.
    My desk is in a hallway so there is constant traffic and interruptions. I can't concentrate and sometimes have tasks that involve days and weeks of research and intense concentration, but I can't focus and end up taking personal/sick days to work from home with fewer distractions. I'm regularly there 10-12 hours a day Monday-Friday, most Saturdays, some Sunday afternoons. I build up vacation-day balances and then lose them because I don't take them in time, but there's simply too much work to be done. I'm salaried, so there's no overtime pay, and we're all constantly asked (sometimes even required) to volunteer at company events on top of our regular duties.
    I formally request help or another team member every opportunity I get, or changes to the workload, and am constantly denied, and even given more work. A few years ago, the economic situation hit and a lot of people lost their jobs here, and most of their duties were just doled out to other employees. My team used to be 6 full-time staff, now it's 3. They were unhappy with how certain things were being handled, so those duties became mine too. I'm covering the workload of 3-5 people most of the time. My supervisor used to be in my area/on my team, now my supervisor is from a totally different department and background, and knows very little about what I contribute. She asks ridiculous questions about how we allocate our resources and makes totally obtuse suggestions.
    I stay because I'm pretty good at the job itself, and maybe someday I can find a new job in my field in a more supportive place or team.
  10. Like
    screenman reacted to Mikayla in Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?   
    Usually I work cca 6 hours on weekdays (sometimes less) and 8.5 hours at the weekend ( sometimes only Sunday) I am having free weekend now cause I am extremely exhausted. I am on disability and cannot have normal job or well-paid job where it is necessary to focus because of my foggy brain. I have NEVER imagined such a life. But I am thankful that I can be useful.
  11. Like
    screenman reacted to Smcine in Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?   
    I work 30 hrs a week. It used to be 40 but my pdoc and I were able to get my hrs reduced to 30. I have been working in IT for over 35 years. I am one of the lucky ones, I am able to work know matter how crappy I feel. I crashed last summer and was on medical leave while changing my meds. My team lead and mgr were very supportive. I have a daughter going to college next year so I will be working for a while.
  12. Like
    screenman reacted to mb8816 in Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?   
    I work 8 hours days Monday through Friday. It can be hard at times but I don't have much of a choice. It can also help take my mind off of things sometimes, which is nice.
  13. Like
    screenman reacted to Hoitytoity in Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?   
    I work 12 hour days. It can be challenging when my anxiety is high, but I think not working would lead to anxiety in itself. It's better for me to focus on a task and push through it.
    It's hard when my anxiety causes my heart to beat prematurely though. Once that happens I just have to lie down. I've started a thread on this problem in the anxiety forum. Someone made a good point it was a circular problem. Anxiety and pvcs make each other worse.
    My depression has interfered with my education. I can't focus and talk myself into believing I'm too stupid to go back.
  14. Like
    screenman got a reaction from trilher in What Are You Thankful For Today? Even If It's Something Little...   
    I havent had to smoke all day... with the help of my e- cigarette... :)
  15. Like
    screenman reacted to overthedeepend in What Are You Thankful For Today? Even If It's Something Little...   
    I am thankful that Afflicted has a job developer
  16. Like
    screenman reacted to dreadtheanxiety in Fear?   
    I needed to read this tonight. I have stepped away from the path and need reminders that it's still there.
    Thank you,
    ~Dread
  17. Like
    screenman reacted to mcneima in A Positive Thread!   
    I'm thankful for the park I walk in every day to help my depression.
  18. Like
    screenman reacted to 20YearsandCounting in What Are You Proud Of?   
    I'm walking (& jogging a little) for my mental and physical health. This is helping me overcome a very fundamental flaw in my thinking related to goal-making and goal-achieving. Used to, if I did not surpass whatever goal I made for myself, I saw myself as actually failing. Yes, I could 'meet' my goal and still see myself as failing. Makes it hard to work towards a goal when even achievement feels like failure. It may not sound like much, but this subtle shift in thinking represents a major break-through for me.
    Congrats screenman and Teddy for cutting back on smoking. Not an easy feat, by any means. You both rock!
  19. Like
    screenman got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting in What Are You Proud Of?   
    Gaining control of your thoughts isnt easy sometimes... That's something good to work on...
  20. Like
    screenman got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting in What Are You Proud Of?   
    Thats cool... It's not easy - I just puff my e-cig when i want to smoke...
  21. Like
    screenman got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting in What Are You Proud Of?   
    Thanks Teddy - I can relate to having agoraphobia...Sometimes I just stay home & relax rather than go out & deal with traffic & rude people...
    I can understand fear of driving... i think everybody has this once in a while - I live in Miami so the drivers here are lacking in good driving skills... :)
    Stick with it & the more you drive the less scarry it will be... Just take it a step at a time...
  22. Like
    screenman got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting in What Are You Proud Of?   
    I'm down to 1 or 2 cigarettes a day... My anxiety used to be so bad I would wake up at night and smoke... In the morning I would smoke 4 or 5 more right away... All together I would smoke about 2 packs a day -
    E- Cigs have helped me alot -
    regards Walt -
  23. Like
    screenman reacted to GoldenEve in Doughnuts?   
    Double order of all the doughnuts for me please . Hey! when it comes to doughnuts I really don't care about my calories intake, I'm just totally nuts about doughnuts.
  24. Like
    screenman got a reaction from Dolphin2013 in Doughnuts?   
    I'm going on my weekly run to Krispy Kreme-
    Picking up some fresh dark choclate doughnuts!
    I will also be getting some breyers french vanilla
    icecreme to go with the doughnuts!
    Anyone want some I'm taking orders now?!
  25. Like
    screenman reacted to Wrenn84 in Doughnuts?   
    There's this Italian bakery near where I live. Their doughnuts are crafted with pure love by this old Italian lady. She doesn't use any garbage mixes or fake flavourings. They have real eggs and vanilla and are not too sweet. I can no longer enjoy donuts from Tim hortons. Probably a good thing lol.
    Also I tried Krispy Kreme in the states once I didn't like it. Way to sweet and also tasted extra fried if that makes sense. However I remember being very hapoy with my "medium" coffee from Krispy Kreme was a whopping 24 oz!! That's 750ml!!!
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