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  1. Thank you so much guys for the supporting messages :). Really does make a difference. I was not going to have my sessions with her. She was the one who was making an assessment on which therapy i would need. I know there are good NHS therapists as i have had some therapy in the past but the long waiting time is excruciating. The thing that still worries me is when she said I should live with it as it’s a part of me! and should accept it and carry on with my life. And that when a person experiences distressing symptoms it becomes a part of them and they have to live with it???!!! To me this means i cannot get better and that i will continue having these symptoms. This has caused me a lot of anxiety and negative thoughts, and would imagine would cause anybody distress if they reached out for help. I don't even know why she said this as i mentioned that when i don't read for a couple of days then i notice my symptoms easing. And i know i will get better with the right help. I just didn't expect her to say something like that.
  2. Hi. I would like to write a bit about my recent distressing experience with a NHS psychological therapist that I had in the last few days as i don't really have anybody else to turn to and i'm feeling quite upset. I have been suffering from “mental blocks” where I find it very difficult to think, use my memory and feel stress and anxious thoughts at times and have a headache. These were on and off to begin with and i knew how to make them go away, but over the years, due to unhelpful behaviour, have become frequent and last most day. I have had therapy before and it did help in some areas but felt i was ready to try it again with somebody fresh with new ideas. One thing I noticed which I know is something that is keeping my mind in this state is I have compulsive unhelpful behavior where I will read and browse lots of unnecessary and unimportant topics on the net on my laptop or on my phone, and after 15-20 mins when my headache is moderate and I find it difficult to think, rather than slowing down or stopping and taking a break I continue to read for hours until my “mental block is very severe” and then I would finally stop. I have been doing this for a long time but never gave it importance because I kept telling myself once it goes away it will be easy again. So I had an Initial assessment appointment with therapist who was eastern european and spoke english quite well so wasn't too worried about communication issues. After answering lots of general questions about myself and what my concerns were at this moment she says to me that no therapy will make my block go away and that I have to live with it. She dismissed the behavior I told her was fuelling it and said how would I live if I didn’t read??!! She made some statements like I am avoiding things by not reading or doing other activities when in fact I would like to remove this unhelpful behavior in order to rest my mind so that it can recover. I told her that I read a lot and do a lot of research unnecessarily such as looking on the net for cars which I do sell for income. She asked how will you survive? (i thought to myself are you serious.) I said I am only doing it temporarily to keep myself busy so when i get better i will go back to work properly. I don't have to be on the net for hours searching unnecessarily for vehicles especially when i can't think clearly. And nowhere did i mention that i will stop it for ever. Just so that my mind is given time to rest and recover. I found her assessment quite distressing as she claimed that reading for hours was good for me (even though it was causing my mental block to get a lot worse). I just cannot see how this behavior can be of any benefit to me right now. I was not asked about details of my mental block going and what things I did to make it go away. There have been times in the past where i have had a lot of control on when I mind went like this and over time with continuous unhelpful behavior it has become a chronic problem. I told her this so that she could give me some hope that I could get better but instead she just brushed it off!! :( She did say that she will speak to her colleagues and see if they can help as they work with a slightly different model. After reflecting on the things that were said I decided to call up the practice. The next day I was given a telephone appointment with her. I thought that she would be a bit positive and optimistic after telling her of my dismay but she came across worse!!! Firstly she called me 15 minutes late and did not even apologize whilst I awaited anxiously for her phone call at the right time. Anyway I mentioned my concerns and to my shock she was still behaving the same, arguing and trying to prove me wrong on the things i was saying. She started to interrogate and ask me questions in a military fashion. She said to me that if you stop reading then how will you live and what would i do everyday. I said i would like to do other activities that are not mentally taxing like just going for a relaxing walk, spending time with my kids, or even doing nothing. I just do not understand how she equated me not reading on the web so that i can give my mind a rest to something that is be all end all activity. I said to her it's temporary. Then she gave an example of a bank letter. At that point I said is something wrong with you. I am not talking about reading a couple of paragraphs here or there I am talking about my excessive reading and web browsing for hours of unnecessary material that will not have an impact on my life whether i do it or not. She then said oh I must have misunderstood you!! So she made an initial assessment on me without even understanding what I was saying and didn't even probe what i meant or asking for clarification. Great!! I don’t know why she could not understand a simple thing that is reading, browsing on the web, whilst my mind is in this state causes my symptoms to worsen. Normally when somebody experiences a headache or cannot think they stop what they are doing but I am doing the complete opposite and intact trying harder. So if I stop it then my mind will be in a better state to deal with my situation. I said to her I have reached out for help for my distressing symptoms and you should have been giving me hope, reassurance and being positive and working out a treatment plan but her response was do you want me to lie or tell the truth???!!! She came across pessimistic and tried to put me down. She was arguing with my understanding and experiences and trying to prove me wrong. The final straw was when she said I should live with it as it’s a part of me! and should accept it and carry on with my life. And that when a person experiences distressing symptoms it becomes a part of them and they have to live with it???!!! At this point I could not take anymore and said I don’t want your assessment and want to be seen by somebody else. She agreed to pass it on to the manager and get them to find somebody else. I just feel stressed and let down and don’t even know if seeing somebody else will matter. Maybe I should find somebody private as i've waited for over a year for an appointment. My confidence is quite low so i have a tendency to rely on other people for positivity so would have liked somebody to believe in me and at least come across as caring rather than mechanical devoid of emotion or empathy. I feel worse than i was before i went to see her. Wasn't a nice experience at all. :(
  3. I have had mental issues now for 6 years. Before this time i was perfectly fine. i have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. But my main problem is my mental functioning. My mind just won't think at all. It won't remember a thing, my memory is just extremely poor, it's as if i have a mental block but like 90% of the time. And to add things i have anxiety running in the background. So i can't even notice the thoughts or deal with them because of this block. It's been like this for a long long time. Started of due to some exams. I had a mental burnout. Did too much. Couldn't take anything after. Handled it all wrong. And then it kept happening again and again until it pretty much has become constant. I don't think it was down to anxiety initially. It was more because i had stressed my mind out by putting it under intense pressure by memorising loads of stuff under less time then i would usually. When my mind stopped functioning i started to force it to take stuff in. Every time i'd clear it i would get back to revising. Anyways because of this event it has affected me in other aspects now. Before i could use my mind to lift the block and it would lift very frequently. But now it just doesn't seem to work. I also notice that when i feel an emotion it clears up for a bit. So i don't know if it is built up emotion or because i didn't feel any sadness at the time when it happened. I can't work, can't do much at all because of this. What i miss the most is just being able to think in my mind, and dealing with issues such as anxiety. Because when my block is not there anxiety is like 10 times easier to deal with. But with it here it makes it a nightmare. Any suggestions. I have been trying relaxation techniques but don't seem to do much. The things that helped me in the past was when i thought about what was causing it and thought of things to do to make it go away. Then i'd go do them and it would just clear up. And when it did i'd feel awesome. All my memory comes back, and everything else. I've tried meds and seen counsellors. Any other ideas? I know once my mind is clear and i can think then the rest will be easy but to get to that point and stay like that has become something really difficult. If you have any advice for me i'd be very grateful. Thanks
  4. when will i get out of this mental torture

  5. update i have now been to see a clinical psychologist and he has ruled out depression and said the causes were down to anxiety and you have generalised anxiety disorder. So finally i have a diagnosis that makes perfect sense and i'm actually happy with since it was what i knew to be the cause of this before but i was told it was depression. However i've now been through all sorts and feel a lot of damage has been done to my mind. Hope things get better for me very soon.
  6. i just don't get it how i can't even have a depressive thought in my mind and feel depressed about it. I can't feel down or low even though i would like to as i know it can do me good as i won't care about anything and that takes my mind of things, Can clinical depression really cause this? Or is it due to anxiety. I've been on such a roller coaster i'm actually so lost as to why this is still happening and even if i have a clear answer my mind does not let me believe anything in the state it is in at the moment. I was constantly told not to use my mind and not to think and just to get on with daily activity. Constantly been told my mind doesn't work when depressed, and that i can't use my mind to heal it because it is not well. However that has had a rebound effect. Because my mind was working to some degree but now it is not. The anxiety that was caused by me constantly being told my mind doesn't work has actually manifested in me. Maybe i misunderstood what was being told to me due to the anxious state of my mind and that in turn has affected my beliefs resulting in me suffering for such a long time. PS i have tried various therapies, tried 6 different types of AD with no real effect and tried exercise, improving diet, socialising, working, to no real effect. What am i doing wrong???
  7. I have experienced brain fog before. To me it feels completely different. my mind becomes sluggish, and takes longer to work, recall, memorise etc. but it still is possible. However I cant now. This is in a completely different league. Its the worst thing I have ever experienced. And its been ongoing. I was doing quite well until the therapist I was seen by through nhs, what he told me in our weekly sessions and what I was advised to do made me feel 10 times worse and bring on so many more symptoms. I think it was probably,because I was left in a state of fear, anxiety and the things I was told woukd trigger a emotional reaction and make me feel worse. Im going to start another thread with the things he said that made me feel worse. Hopefully that will be a start for me to heal.
  8. Well basically it feels like my mind has completely shut down, i.e. i can't even hold a thought, or a memory or recall. Now i been told by the therapist it was depression. But i fail to see how me feeling depressed can completely shut down my mind. I personally believe it was down to intense anxiety regarding my mind not working and that in turn caused it. But the first time it happened was due to me putting my mind under intense stress. But i have been left so confused i'm not even able to make sense of all this. If i ask myself what is on my mind, the answer is not applicable because it's just not working. So i'm asking you guys when you are depressed anyone else experience such intense and devastating mental symptoms? You must have some mental function right? So most likely it is caused by severe anxiety. This has been on going for 5 years now and it has effected me severely as you can imagine. I don't even know my identity anymore. I don't even feel depressed, sad or low. Don't have any depressive thoughts at all. 99% of thoughts that intrusively come into my mind are ridiculous anxious ones and i can't even deal with them effectively because of the way my mind is. And i know there were several intense period of anxiety before this happened but i can't see it in my head because of the way my mind is. sometimes i wish i could feel so depressed about this but anxiety won't let me because it says that if i feel depressed my symptoms will get worse and then my mental symptoms will get worser. I hate my mind not working at all. Honestly it is destroying me. :verysad3:
  9. With me i'm lucky if i can have 5% brain function. It has messed everything up for me. Even the ability to deal with a simple anxious thought is almost impossible. I can't remember hardly a thing. I'm almost daily forgetting things and doing silly things. I can't function. It's disabling. For me this is my worst problem. Because with a bit of brain function i can use my mind to heal my feelings no problem. Mine is also heavily caused by several traumatic experiences and intense anxiety which made the initial symptoms 10x worse.
  10. please anybody? I can't get some of these ridiculous thoughts out of my mind and they are causing me great distress and uncomfort. Doesn't matter how hard i try. Also i can't cry at all. Not even one tear??!! And i can't feel sad!! Why can't i feel sad or low. Why is my mind doing this to me? :verysad3: Why can't i cope with simple thoughts for like i have a thought about feeling sick if i go out for a meal. That creates anxiety but even though i have been out and done it over 100s of times without vomitting i still have that fear?? Why. It's as if it won't register in my mind because of it not functioning. I can't even have a thought in it like i can't even think "i have been to such and such and nothing has happened so there is no need to be fearful" my mind feels completely closed, it won't let any voluntary thoughts in, just involuntary. Does clinical depression make it difficult or almost impossible to deal with anxiety? Do i need my depression to lift first in order to think and then deal with anxiety. So confused!!!?? And i'm at the end of my line now. Please help. :verysad3:
  11. i hate how i feel. or lack of it. What i would do to feel sooo loooowww and sad :-( I can't even feel hopeless about it all. It's like my feelings are stuck and my mind is stuck in this state where it will not shift. All my concentration and memory are kapput. I don't know what to do. i have been to al sorts of counsellors and tried a lot of different types of meds. I don't even feel miserable about it either. I wish i could just feel and my mind just work. Only thing i do feel is this constant anxiety at the back of my mind and it comes out at times and leaves me feeling rubbish. The severe stress i put my mind under has caused all this. Wish i had taken it easy at the time now. I guess all this could have been avoided. To hold a thought in my head is almost impossible. My mind was the best thing i had. Now i can't even use it a little. i have changed into a completely different person. I haven't worked in months because i hate going to work in this state. It makes work sooo difficult when it was really easy before. I need to believe in myself again. I have been out of this before. I can do it again. I haven't had relief for months i'll go as far as saying i've had no proper relief from this for a year now. Could just imagine what it has done to my mental state and well being. I need to see somebody again about this. Before i could use my mind to get me out of this state. Now whatever i try doesn't seem to work at all.
  12. a month on and i'm exactly the same. Same rubbish just a different day. If there is one thing that bothers me the most is the inability for my mind to function i.e. think. This is so distressing. it actually makes every single thing i do incredibly difficult. I know that before my mind was not this bad. I could think to some degree and say some thought popped in my mind i could like divert my mind somewhere else and the anxiety just passed. Now my mind is incapable of doing just that. Which as you can imagine is causing me a lot of distress. I know belief plays a huge role and at one point i could just say to myself it's anxiety, do something and my mind would just clear up. I know anxiety has caused majority of problems for me and fear can do really crazy things. Like when i was diagnosed with depression, i went and checked out the symptoms. The fear just made those symptoms appear and ever since i have been struggling with symptoms i never had but just happened after feeling a lot of anxiety. I'm going back at things that have worked for me in the past. Because there are many things that have. And then i'm going to build my beliefs back up. And once they are back up and i'm hopeful, then i'll see if i can get out of this horrible state. Hope nobody goes through this. :-(
  13. hi vertitote. Thanks for the reply. Just those words of sympathy mean a lot even though i might not get the answers. I've tried meditation, mindfulness, etc. I'm just angry at my previous therapist who made changed my once hopeful strong beleifs that got me through a lot to meaning nothing. I went to a therapist today. She listened, which was nice but i don't think emotional freedom technique or hypnotherapy is for me. Have another appointment on monday so hopefully that should be interesting. This time i'm going to be in control. I know myself better than anybody else so i will take advise but if i don't think it is useful i will leave it rather than blindly believe anything that is said to me. I don't want to make the same mistakes again that ended up causing me great distress and increased my symptoms magnitudinally (if there is such a word :-) Just to still have a little smile on my face is amazing really, after the traumatic experiences i've had and the amount i've felt i've suffered. For me when i feel sad i feel heeling, a sense of relief even though there is hopelessness, it just feels as if it's natural after such a stressful experience with my mind. I just need to believe that again. Anxiety can do so many funny things and i know that it stopped me from feeling sad. Fear works in crazy ways and i've experienced more than my fair share of it :-) It's funny i have all the answers to my problems yet i constantly am on forums or searching websites for answers?? Maybe it's to help confirm my answers so i believe them internally so they have some uplifiting effect on my mind and emotions. I do know for a fact it was caused by severe mental stress and anxiety. And feeling sad reduces these anxieties and so in turn my symptoms that are caused by the anxiety are reduced. That's my explanation for the relief even though i don't feel 100% myself and i give up on everything at least it's better than feeling constant uncontrolled anxious thoughts, constant headache, stress, severe mental block, etc. I rather feel tired, and not be bothered, less motivated, then to go through an emotional stressful mental battle everyday.
  14. update. I have stopped all medication under my doctors advice that if it has not helped by now then medication is not for you. I have tried over 5 different AD's. Can't believe how time has gone so fast since my last post on here. Anyway my mental state has not improved at all. I don't know anymore. Anything that requires a bit of my mental function gives me a headache and makes my mind stress and not work at all. I don't know if this is depression or i'm depressed because of this. I just can't see how a feeling/mood can affect my mind in this manner. Sorry. It's just a bit crazy. Why is it if i'm depressed i have no depressive thoughts? Why is it i don't feel sad or depressed? But all i do know is this happened because i put my mind under severe pressure of memorising for exams which went pear shaped. I want to feel so angry but i can't even do that. This is just so disgusting. I just want to feel something, anything. I just want my mind to work a little. It's as if it's just shut down and it's getting so frustrating. The anxiety and anxious thoughts that pop in my mind are so annoying now. I've tried a lot. It's as if nobody understands what i'm going through and just fob it of as depression. i just want to be able to use my mind a little. :verysad3: My life has gone from awesome to useless. Actually i don't blame any external source. Everything i have is perfect for a good life. But it's my mind that is the problem. It won't let me do anything. i want to do so much but i can't. I want to get married but i'm scared nobody wants to marry a person in this mess. What made it worse was this CBT. I still don't like the way the therapist dealt with my case and my mind won't let me move from the beliefs that have been changed. Which i can't change. I mean how can my mind let a thought pop into it but not let me have a thought voluntarily? Which counsellor in there right mind would send me out to work after i have explained the state of my mind to him clearly. oh it's just depression. Go to work and it'll get better. But don't you see if i go to work like this it's just going to cause so much more stress because my mind is not working, so i'd be forcing it which will cause anxiety and what not and put me in a worse position than i was. And that is what exactly happened. He replies but at least you know you can do the work. Grrrr i knew that before but my mind is the friggin problem. How can you know when you never worked in this place before (smart comments like that didn't help and affected a lot of my beliefs like what i said to my self that once my mind would work i can do x,y and z but then i started to think how do i know and now that belief which i was holding onto has dissapeared leaving bad effects in my confidence) And finally he tells me to stop thinking which made me laugh because all along i told him that my mind won't let me think so how can i stop it? I just feel like my situation has gone from bad to worse. I had a specific issue before and now i have a general problem with so many more symptoms. Surely my depression would have gone by now. I've done whatever CBT has asked of me to do but it's just got me into this bad habbit of forcing my mind to function which in turn has left me like this for a while now. My mind is not working so (counsellors) solution is to put myself in situations where i need to use my mind. That was what caused all my problems in the first place. And if it is depression that is making my mind not work, and now i know that, then why is my mind still like this? Surely knowing that all this what i've been put through because of my mind, its just a feeling/mood should have an effect on my beliefs or something and ease the pain a little. I wish i had somebody to cuddle. Somebody who'd genuinely listen and not make any judgements. All i want is my mind and life back. I know for a fact i can deal with feelings of depression and anxiety because i have dealt with it many times in the past. I've had mild/moderate depression where i've fealt unmotivated, bored, tired, not feeling happy, etc and i've dealt with it in the past but this is completely different. at least before i could think of different things and change thoughts in my mind or even beliefs and it would have an impact on my feelings. Without my mind i can't do this. I'm stuck in this vicious circle. i get lots of anxious thoughts popping in my mind but i can't change them because my mind won't let me. I think i need some sympathy. I really do. Sorry (actually i'd love to cry and let my feelings out but i can't do that either :-(
  15. i;m sure it's about £35. Try Yellow pages or google. Find someone who you feel you will be able to relate to.
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