Jump to content

FM08

Newbie
  • Content Count

    18
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  1. any reason?? seems like a random comment that's all.

  2. Trace

    I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  3. FM08

    Getting Down

    The problem is I also haven't worked anywhere near hard enough, I basically deserve to fail. But yes, saying that I am not really enjoying what I'm doing. I guess it goes hand in hand. Also, I didn't get A Levels ... instead I did a BTEC Business course, which is basically a sort of practical vocational type course. So if I were to leave Uni, I'd only have a BTEC Business qualification and not A Levels ... which is not good, not good at all.
  4. Hi, I am at a make or break stage in my life and am extremely worried and don't know who to turn to. I attend University in, England and basically I've got myself into a bit of a mess. I've failed 3 modules out of 6 and have another 6 modules to come, of which I can only fail 1 more or else I have to retake the year ... or drop out. I think it's a combination of being unhappy at Uni and not enjoying my course at all really which has led to me missing lectures/tutorials and not keeping up at all. I study Business and Management. 2 of the modules are basically the equivalent of Maths .. and I only did GCSE maths, about 4 years ago now. But I almost feel like it's too late to drop out. I think the fact that I have so much free time in general, and I'm living on my own, and not enjoying myself .. it's easy for your spirit to sink low and lose direction. Obviously there's a feeling of guilt. I just don't know what to do anymore with Uni ... I haven't been enjoying the course of late. I really don't think I could re-take the year if I did fail ... I wouldn't be able to trust myself to go through it again and just rack up
  5. That's a good point you make actually. I tend to look at girls and try suss out the longevity I see in her and then feel sad that I don't see any, if that makes sense? I don't feel like going into it for the sake of it. Or I look at guys, and judge them very quickly and think about if they are worth a real friendship with or not.
  6. Of course, depression runs in my family and I've had a few battles with "it" myself. One thing I've learned is that depression is a liar. It puts only the negative in your head and tries to convince you that everything in life will never be right and you will never be happy. Such thinking is simply twisted and not true but, when you're in the middle of the dark place it's hard to see the truth and the light. Because I've been there--in the dark place of depression--I and others here on the forums, can tell you that there can be joy in your future! Really. But how true is that really? I mean I've basically been depressed for alot of my teenage life (I think) ... there's a chance I'm clinically/chronically depressed - and if that's the case what hope have I got? How will I ever be happy and find joy in the future?
  7. Right, well where do I start? I'm not a happy person (surprise surprise!). I'm 19, UK, family home in London and at a University in England. I feel I need a fresh impetus ... a fresh outlook ... things are not improving. Lately I have been wondering, and questioning myself - do I have depression? Do I have clinical depression? One of the reasons for the latter thought, is because my dad is clinically depressed. Before I came to University in September 2009, I lived in a negatively draining destructive life. My dad is an alcoholic, albeit improving which is good, and as I said clinically depressed. My brother is almost 21, lives at home, has tourettes/ADHD/Aspergers/OCD and even slight autism. Now he's left the house about 5-10 times in the last 2/3 years ... I won't go into huge detail but look at my dad's position and my brother's and that does not bode well, at all. My mum is just normal I guess. During my teenage years around 15-17 I ahd a psychosis which crushed my life. I ended up failing my Year 12/AS Levels and going to a poor performing London college to redo my 6th form and try and get myself through to University. At this point I was on medication, basically had no friends and just wasn't in touch with reality .. I was hiding in my room and was scared to leave at times. But I thought this was all normal, thankfully my mum realised something wasn't right, so I saw to it. I'm at University now and whilst I'm glad to get a break from the chaotic everyday violence at home which just contributed to me feeling miserable, University is not what I expected and I am not happy here either (variety of reasons). One of those however is not home ... I don't miss home one iota, but I feel lonely. It's not that I don't have friends ... I have friends, some might say quite a few, maybe 2 groups of between 5-7 people, and then other little smaller groups of people mixed in with 'single' people who I know. Something like that. I play 5 a side football, I play with the pool society, I go to the gym, I go out to clubs very often and am known by the people I go out with to be outgoing, I go to the pub to watch a football game or whatever. I don't mean this in a disrespectful way but why I say these things is to give you an idea about how I am ... I'm not someone who locks himself in his room 24/7 and repels the thought of going out etc., I don't FEEL suicidal. I guess in that sense, one could say I'm better off than alot of others in that I'm not quite in that state .. and that I go out and about and interact with people. But I'm never happy ... I cannot remember the last time I ever felt true joy. I'm so numb of happiness that I'm struggling to know whether I am suffering from depression anymore. Either I am going through a bout of it, or I'm just clinically depressed and so it is just 'a way of life' nowadays that I can't even recognise anything else ... or ... what? What else? Is that just normal? And this is where I have great difficulty in identifying why exactly I feel the way I do. I'm 19, and I don't feel young or full of joy. I think to myself, has the psychosis (something that went on in my life for a good 2/3 years) just tweaked something, a sort of after effect ... has it left a mark on me in some (mental) way? Or did I develop depression (clinical?) through my dad's genes AND the lifestyle I grew up in during my teenage years - and so by having clinical depression, failing to ever be able to enjoy life? Or maybe it's quite simply a case of, I'm no more a kid. I'm now 19 and have responsibilities, those free-spirit childhood days are behind me. But the psychosis I had combined with my family life, and my dad's mental makeup and potential likelihood to pass this mental makeup onto me ... has really left me in a state of uncertainty. And I don't know if this is ever possible to find out for absolute fact, 100% .. is there? What's what, what do I have? How do I really find out for sure? It's worrying me. Talking of suicide though ... I certainly don't FEEL I really want to. However I would be lieing if I said I haven't been thinking about it lately. I feel so unhappy, and have done for as long as I can actually remember ... I look back at my life from this second backwards and not one thing make me smile. And that's what grates me so much, when I look at it like that I can't help but feel that it just isn't meant to be. I feel so ****ed up in the head, to actually for one minute think I could be happy one day seems like, a complete and utter no-hoper. I don't even feel any real feelings of hope. I feel like my life has been in a gutter, permanently. And even when I try to move on, go to University, whatever .. nothing changes, I still feel as s*** as I did before. I feel like I'm destined for wrong things to happen me because I swear that's all that has ever happened to me. So why continue? I feel like one day I will self harm when nothing ever positive is on the horizon? Well I can't say that, but, up until now I don't feel or see anything positive .. it's all well and good saying you never know what the future holds but quite frankly I don't care anymore. I'm sick of feeling like crap and that's all I've ever felt so part of me just can't be bothered anymore. Oh I was bullied, blah blah. I don't look at it like that. But regardless of what did or did not happen to you in the past, it leaves a mark. So how do you move on, and find a new meaning to your life? The mark my life has left me is one of deep sadness and pain, so how do I rid myself from this? It doesn't want to go! What can I do? I wake up every day and I don't feel happy, ever. I've spoken to counsellors, and no they are good to chat to and it helps to clear things up but it is still useless, utterly useless. In essence, you are talking to an adult about how you feel. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go on like this, for the large part most people love University. I don't want to be old and look at my life and feel like I've missed out on everything, because quite frankly that's what's going to happen.
  8. But why shouldn't I? I'm 19 and feel like I'm getting no where with girls and isn't it around this time I should if anything be making the most of my youth and freedom for it. This is like the era for it all is it not? I'm trying to be patient, but I truly find it hard to believe it will happen - not unless I decide that enough is enough and I end up having sex with anyone for the sheer sake of it. I've been told before in the flesh it will happen also ... generally speaking, with relationship with girls. But how long do I have to wait for it to happen? Others would even say, don't wait for it, you have to pounce. So I feel like anything I do is wrong. Also let's be honest, typically any 19 year old guy/girl would have had flings/relationships of some sort. So apart from this encounter I had when self-medicated, (which I don't include) I feel like I'm not on the same wavelength. I will have to be patient obviously, but do I really want to have had 1 sexual encounter by the time I'm for example ..... 22/23? No I don't.
  9. I'm a 19 year old guy who is now at University in England. To cut a long story short I fail when it comes to all things girls. Reasons for this include all boys school, parents being religious, being ill and out of the social scene for ages as a result. I basically have no experience with girls. I've had one sexual encounter which came about due to being self-medicated. Other than that I am a failure around girls and it is something that seriously knocks me ... being a 19 year old guy and not getting any attention from girls is a real blow. I'm quite shy generally, although I'm usually fine around guys. Since I've come to University though, everyone seems more outgoing, loud and confident so I've been a bit more shy than I would be settling in. Anyways, when I talk to girls I just tense up so so much. I also have not got a clue what to talk about to girls. With guys you can usually talk about football/girls etc. I'm no great lover of music or films at all. So when I talk to girls I'm really struggling to know what to talk about after small talk. I'm not too bothered about my looks, I think I look fine and I've been told several times before I'm good looking. I'm not butt ugly so I'm not too fussed about my looks at all. It's just socially I feel like a boiling kettle when talking to them, especially a really good looking girl. I literally stutter and make a fool out of myself and then further dent ***** in my confidence. And because of my lack of confidence I develop all sorts of ideas such as I'm boring, I'm weird, I'm not as good as other guys and so on. So when I approach or get introduced to a girl, I just have this idea that I'm some kind of creep. It affects my every day life and the annoying thing is I've had reasonable social encounters with girls at times (somehow!) but I never feel like I'm improving ... so I'm thinking to myself ... will this ever change???! Because I feel like such an outcast/outsider with girls showing no real interest in me. Like I hear my mates getting calls off girls, or facebook messages ... it's times like that where the frustration and envy kicks in. My friend at Uni has already scored with 5 girls ... now this ISN'T my intentions but it again makes me feel bad when I think to myself, how is he getting 5 girls in his bed in like 1-2 weeks??? I don't even know 5 girls! I feel so disillusioned with everything related to the opposite sex. I feel the only way I can relate to them is through getting drunk, but that's not right. I've also found myself become increasingly disinterested in girls who typically would be hot in most guys eyes. It's weird because I see hot girls around but then I don't find any girl I'm genuinely really interested in getting with. But I don't want to sleep around all my life. I've only ever known of one girl in my life who I just fell for and lusted for so crazily. I never spoke to her though, that was long time ago at school anyways Like I'm looking at girls around the place and there's barely a girl in sight who I look at and genuinely want to be with. That doesn't mean to say I'm just after looks ... but if I'm not feeling so crazily attracted to them I'm simply not interested in anything, other than maybe sex. I probably am too fussy, but again if I really am not jaw droppingly attracted to a girl I just am not interested ... and it's not like I'm after the most beautiful girls around or something, I'm after a pretty girl but just a girl I'm attracted to really, that is the key, I have to be really attracted to her physically first, that's it .. which is normal really isn't it? I don't really know why I'm not feeling the powerful sexual urges that maybe I used to or that others get. I just feel like something isn't wired up properly, something emotionally, or psychologically. I don't know. I suck around girls and I am finding myself not craving for a girl or girl(s). I'm 19, am I not meant to be horny and seeing and/or meeting a girl or two who I'm jaw droppingly in awe of? Because it seems like most others do find a girl or girl(s) like that - eg girlfriend, for one .. unless of course it's a very casual relationship, but generally speaking a girlfriend. So ye, I feel disillusioned, I feel like a defeated man in this area ... as if some things are just not meant to be. Can anyone help me with words of advice, wisdom ... anything? I just feel devoid of ideas about what to do, where to start, how to make progress and how to meet a girl I really like and so on. Thanks.
  10. Ye that's the thing whilst I can feel at the bottom of the pits I kind of know that if I got a group of friends that I go out with and basically get a good social life then things can make me happier. I'm feeling a bit better now but as you say sometimes I just come home from college and I feel awful like you described. I'd love a girlfriend lol and check your pm's then, cheers.
  11. I currently see a counsellor for having gone through a psychosis. Depression hasn't really come into it but I've been noticing that I've been feeling extremely low and I'm really worried I have clinical depression which would shatter me. Should I bring it up at the next counsellor session? Because these feelings I'm getting aren't healthy and I'm really worried that I'll never be able to make a good life of my life.
  12. I just feel empty, worthless, how can I get rid of this feeling? I just feel so, empty and alone.
  13. OK well often when I hear of how people make friends they say ' through friends ' or ' through people '. I have a hard time understanding this for different reasons. I mean take my good mate for example and I met some of his mates and have seen them through a big football match about 2 times. But it's almost like their friends not mine. I'm just an aquantaince. It's just mutual that you are friendly but it goes no further than the football. I would feel weird to ask for someone's number that I know through someone, it just doesn't feel right somehow. It makes me feel desperate and sad asking for a number of my friends friend, I also become paranoid thinking that my friend now looks at me as this desperate loner. Is this a wrong mentality or not lol? I can never seem to form strong bonds with friends of friends and that's why it baffles me when I hear people doing this. Can anyone expand on this at all? Thanks.
  14. I'm 17 and at college. I'm not extremely depressed, I was but I am now in a state of contentness and not too depressed, just a little bit. However I have a big problem in my life and that's not being able to talk to girls my age. I don't know why or what it is but when faced with a girl around my age my mind just goes blank, I panic and don't know what to say. I even hide in toilets sometimes to avoid social situations with girls. I'm so self concious. I can talk to women fine usually but I just haven't a clue how to behave around girls. I think it could be because it's a different sex which makes me nervous but I just don't know. I need some conversation tips and advice. Any help/advice would be much appreciated.
  15. I was just curious as to where the people on this forum come from? Are the majority from the USA or UK? Thanks.
×
×
  • Create New...