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TwilightZephyr

Silver Member
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About TwilightZephyr

  • Rank
    Silver Member
  • Birthday February 15

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  • Gender
    Other
  • Interests
    Theatre, Music, Religion, Philosophy, Nature, Psychology, Neuroscience
  1. Hey TZ, I appreciate your comment. I haven't forgotten you. Honestly, I think I've become too ill and vulnerable to socialize. I hope you're better off and things are looking less grim.

  2. I just wanted to say everytime I get on this site I think of you and I feel bad that we don't talk. I hope all is going well with you. <3

  3. I haven't heard much about hippocampus atrophy and increased depression. The Hippocampus has more to do with memory than emotion, though it is linked to the amygdala and emotional memories. The hippocampus is one of the few areas that still has neurogenesis in adulthood partly because it's needed for it's function. Those new neurons stay in the hippocampus...generally one doesn't need new neurons in other parts of the brain. Currently there is no way to create new neurons in most parts of the brain. The Hippocampus role with the amygdala helps with mood congruent memories...so when you feel sad you remember past sad events more readily. However I don't believe that is that part that atrophies from the constant onslaught of cortisol. I think that area tends to me more about attention and short term memory formation...so like remembering why you went in the kitchen or what some one was just saying to you. That could possible correlate to increased depression because one might not feel as capable...but generally I think the impairment is mild...and as far as I know I haven't seen any research on that. Also like sc2 said exercise can increase neurogenesis in the Hippocampus and help relieve moderate to mild depression. I think they are still researching this area so there is probably more speculation and learning to be done.
  4. We ended up having a long conversation about our relationship and what we need to work on. I have a tendency to go to extremes even when I don't mean it. I know it takes two to argue he seems to push my buttons at times and he knows I have anger problems but I still tend to blow things way out of proportion.
  5. You know your borderline when.... You get into a petty fight with your so and end the relationship again but are not sure if you are really broken up or not. FML.
  6. Well I'm back home now...been back in town for a month now and still no job. Still on my friends couch...so no home either. And no I think I no longer have a boyfriend. Today has been a pretty crappy day. Me and my boyfriend have been living apart now for 2 months and I thought it would help with the bickering. But today we had another petty arguement over a stupid parking lot...and some how now everything is my fault, I'm not empathetic, I don't listen, and I don't ask questions. And because he said that I got super p***** and then asked him why he was with me and since he had no response I said I was done with the relatioship and would figure out how to move my stuff he has later. It's not the first time I have so called "broke-up" with him, but it's the first since we haven't lived together. I was just so p***** and I really don't know what I want anymore. But we've been together for 6yrs and things seemed like they were starting to look up and I go and ruin everything like I always do. Trigger............................ And now since I don't have access to my si kit I'm sitting here drinking. Everything freaking sucks right now.
  7. Well I'm back home now...been back in town for a month now and still no job. Still on my friends couch...so no home either. And no I think I no longer have a boyfriend. Today has been a pretty crappy day. Me and my boyfriend have been living apart now for 2 months and I thought it would help with the bickering. But today we had another petty arguement over a stupid parking lot...and some how now everything is my fault, I'm not empathetic, I don't listen, and I don't ask questions. And because he said that I got super p***** and then asked him why he was with me and since he had no response I said I was done with the relatioship and would figure out how to move my stuff he has later. It's not the first time I have so called "broke-up" with him, but it's the first since we haven't lived together. I was just so p***** and I really don't know what I want anymore. But we've been together for 6yrs and things seemed like they were starting to look up and I go and ruin everything like I always do. Trigger............................ And now since I don't have access to my si kit I'm sitting here drinking. Everything freaking sucks right now.
  8. I have large pupils always have. I see tracers too. I thought everyone saw them for the longest time. Was like that for me even before I did drugs. After doing hallucingens the tracers became more prominent and totally understand the bathroom...something about the lighting and the texture of the wall....certain carpets and wall grains too. Sometimes when I get bored I see if I can find shapes in them. But I don't see it as any problem...just a curious thing. I figure everyone has a slightly different perception of things anyways.
  9. Glad it's getting better. I took a trial med/possible placebo and then Prozac and at the end switched to Wellbutrin for a couple months before I lost medical coverage from uni.
  10. I had a very rough weekend at work. One of those kind of weekends that causes acute stress disorder. All I can think about is how awful people can be. How rude, mean and selfish and I have a general hate for humanity today. I woke up crying from my dream. Of course it was about work. And of course my boyfriends form of comfort is to rub my breast...***. We have a patient at work who has been there a month now. She doesn't care about anything or anyone so it seems. I've tried over and over to give her the benefit of that doubt. But after the 400th threat, the 10th tantrum of kicking walls and doors, and throwing chairs, and constant degrading of herself and others it gets hard. It would be nice to say oh it's a manic episode, but it seems when you can turn around and be perfectly calm for another staff, that is not the case. This weekend I was really afraid she was done with her show and desperate enough to follow through on her threats. I don't really have any defensive training so I spent my whole weekend anxious. Yesterday I worked on another unit because my boss wanted to give me a break. I was still on edge and irritable. I think I know now why cops can be such jerks...it's all the freaking stress. Well I thought it was going to be a nice change but the girls there were totally disrespectful and rude. Being passive aggressive, talking over me while I was trying to teach, being rude to peers, they made one girl cry. Talking about how uncaring and stupid staff are. And also being distracting when I'm trying to do meds and then complaining about it taking so long. So to top this off I get home to relax on my favorite forum and people are trolling a shop I work in the forum saying mean things about the shop and everyone who works in it. So I'm fed up. I'm tired of humanity and they can all go **** themselves. This is just how I feel right now, I haven't had any problem with this forum.
  11. I was diagnosed with double depression in 2006. I had it since I was 10...with the episodes of major depression coming and going. I took meds for 4 years and have since been off meds with no recurrence. So yes it is treatable. Medication helped my depression immensely. When I first started taking meds I had some up and down days. 1 day would be great and the next would be awful. Not sure if it's normal but it did gradually get better with less and less awful days.
  12. Thank goodness it's my friday. I need a break.
  13. I use to work 3rd shift and did quite a bit of research on the circadian rhythm. As far as sleep goes the best thing for your body is a regular sleep schedule, going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time. The amount of sleep people need is a little different for everyone. I have always been able to sleep for 10hrs whether in an episode of depression or not. If you just started sleeping more I would suggest trying to sleep as much that has been normal for you in the past. I think it's best to go with what works for your healthy self. That being said it's sometimes hard to tell what is normal. It took me having a set sleep schedule for awhile to figure that out for myself. For me personally I really need 8hrs of sleep to feel refreshed. If I sleep more than 10hrs I feel groggy and tired for most of the day. That being said I am also a nightowl and have always had hard time waking up. I still hit my snooze button 3 times. Some things that might also help and possibly talk to your doctor about it getting more vitamin D and sunlight. And maybe have your thyroid checked out if you haven't. When I had hypothyroidism I felt tired constantly...and that condition is also known to cause other symptoms of depression.
  14. You might mention to your doctor that medication helped raise your mood. Also if you haven't you might ask to get your thyroid levels checked as well. about the ketamine....it is still in clinical trials but from mmy understanding the doses are low enough to not have hallucinatory properties.
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