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About allypoo

  • Birthday January 11

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    Basketball, fashion, the Powerpuff Girls.

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  1. 1. I only brought a limited amount of cash to Starbucks, but upon telling the barista my favorite drink (that I couldn't afford at the time), she made it for me free of charge! :) 2. There was a clearance sale at Old Navy, and I was able to find a nice button-down shirt for $8.00 :) 3. I got out of bed and was productive, something I haven't been able to accomplish all week. A good day!
  2. I had bad insomnia and panic attacks, and I was prescribed 25mg Seroquel tablets for sleep. I usually had to take two to get asleep quickly, and a couple times I had to take four (100mg). I became ill once after 100mg, though. My advice is to try out a 25mg dosage and see how it works; if it doesn't work well, 50mg isn't much different. I had some violent, disturbing dreams when on the meds, but my P-doc attributed those to my Lamictal. If you're afraid of over-medicating, I'd talk to your doctor about reducing your medication. If you discuss your fears, s/he's likely to take those into consideration when prescribing new meds or explain how your current ones are working together. Best of luck :)
  3. I was diagnosed two weeks after my 19th birthday. After attempting suicide, I was put on Zoloft, and immediately had a manic reaction to the medication. I spent the next year on heavy doses of antipsychotics until I quit all of them 11 months after my diagnosis. I've been med-free for over two years now, and although my depression has been pretty bad lately, I've been relatively stable since. My biggest fear at the time of my diagnosis was that I would become progressively more unstable and end up hospitalized, and I'm genuinely happy that hasn't happened.
  4. Today was the worst day I've had in quite a while. However, after having a long, difficult talk with my boyfriend about my depression (nobody really knows how bad it is right now), I'm hopeful that I can turn things around.
  5. Before my mental problems were officially diagnosed (but when they were glaringly obvious), my abusive ex-boyfriend liked to make fun of me. "You'll wear mascara tomorrow just so everyone knows when you're crying" was one of my favorites. After I was diagnosed, he toned it down a little bit, especially after he started taking Prozac. We broke up a long time ago, though this year he made it his mission to drunk dial me with the most hate-filled comments he could think of. His "best of" collection: "Why should I be talking to you? You're a ****ing nutcase." "You're worthless; no wonder you tried ******* yourself." "You should've finished the job." (Referring to the above quote) The last one got him blocked from my phone -- about two years too late, but hey. Two of his close friends had statuses about being "bummed" the other day, and for a moment I'd hoped he died.
  6. Hey everyone! I'm Alex. I haven't been on the boards in a while either, heh. Some pretty heavy thoughts have been on my mind lately, though, and I've been feeling the need to talk a bit. I'm in the middle of midterms right now, but so far I've been kicking butt! If things keep going well, I may finish a complete term of classes for the first time since my first term freshman year - my mental state hasn't been exactly "right" since then. I'm most proud of myself for coming so far, though -- in 2008, I essentially dropped out of school and didn't tell anyone. (I also was in deeply manic states and on antipsychotics for the first time, if that needed said. Haha.) It's taken a class or two a term for me to start adjusting to school again, but I think this will be the term I complete four classes. I hate how trivial that accomplishment sounds, though. If anyone said that, it'd be met with a "Whoopee, you and two million other people" response. I don't like talking about being bipolar, as many of my current friends didn't know me when I was at my worst. I don't think people understand how hard it was for me two years ago to function, let alone turn in homework. I learned a lot of bad habits -- obsessing over daytime TV, driving hundreds of miles aimlessly by myself, a bad attitude about life -- that took a transfer and two years to eradicate. As negative as this all sounds, I'm really happy right now. I have friends, a happy life, and no severe manic episodes or medication in almost two years(!!!). It's a day-by-day thing, though, and I hope to stick around here for a while. :)
  7. Jealous. It's 51, rainy, and foggy, and will be for the next four months. Haha.
  8. 1. I'm pretty sure I aced a midterm I didn't have high hopes for. Yay! 2. I'm still not sick, even though everyone in my house has had a nasty cold this month. 3. I got on the treadmill for the first time in ages!
  9. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  10. I've found myself getting increasingly agitated when I have to go to school. I no longer have friends, so I see everyone around me in social relationships and feel extremely jealous or upset. I've had to go home early the last few weeks because I start getting too upset to pay attention. I skip on a daily basis (including right now). I can't stand all the people around, especially since they're all better off than I am. Being alone for so long has made me forget how to talk to people, giving up any possibility I have to change my current situation. When a person asks me a question or makes a comment to me, I get so excited and nervous that I can barely say anything. The only people I talk to are my family and boyfriend. It's the painful paradox that anyone with social phobia faces: I desperately want to meet new people, but I can't stand being around them. Three years ago, before I graduated high school, I had a lot of friends and an active social life. Since starting college, my whole life has fallen apart.
  11. I felt that way for a solid year before sinking into deep depression again. Unfortunately, it's an illness that gets worse over time, and it's almost impossible to control without at least some therapy and/or medication.
  12. I was diagnosed about two and a half years ago and have been making my way through those questions since. A few words of warning, though: I saw a psychiatrist for the first year, took the meds, and hated all of it. My doctor's solution was to up my dosages until I was taking the max of one drug and a high dose of the other, all without any feelings of success. I was hating all of it, so after about a year with the pdoc and nine months on the meds, I quit everything. I canceled my appointments, stopped taking my meds, and did very well for a few months. After a few months of initial success, I started feeling down again. At first, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary; I've been depressed most of my life, so I didn't think it was a big deal. About two weeks ago, I had my first manic episode in two years. It wasn't as severe as my previous one, but it was enough to scare me afterwards. Since then I've been severely depressed, and quite possibly moreso than I've ever been (which is saying a looot). Long story short: stay on your prescribed plan of treatment. I thought I could do it myself, but I'm falling apart by the day. And good luck.
  13. I tend to come to these forums when I start spiraling downwards, thus here I am. I thought things were looking up. I transferred away from a school I hated to live at home, and although I'm happy to be back living with my family, I've never felt so empty in my life. When I first logged in, I looked for something to comment on. Every time I'd start a comment, I'd delete it half a sentence in and move on. That basically sums up my life right now. I could care less about school; my happiest days are the ones where I stay in bed until noon. I work two jobs and love work days so much more than school days. The only contact with the outside world I have is with my boyfriend, who I have little interest in anymore (he's still my boyfriend for that fact: he's my last human contact). I act distant, and as a result he does, too. My isolation from the world has resulted in me literally forgetting how to talk to people -- I never thought it was possible, but yes, you can forget basic social skills. My mind is vacant. I make mistakes I've never made before; my grades are pathetic; and, worst of all, I don't care. All I care about is my family, basketball playoffs, and running. I haven't been in therapy in two years, and it's been almost a year and a half since I quit my meds. I thought I could be happy again without them, but I've just been caring less and less and time has gone on. I expected a lot more from college, and certainly not the complete despair I feel on a constant basis. None of this has any value, but I needed to get it out. As I said, it's been months since I've spoken to any "friends" on this.
  14. Happy birthday!


  15. Having a down day. I've been better lately than I have in years, but I guess you can't sustain happiness going through the motions.
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