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About Nuit

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  • Birthday 04/01/1963

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  • Location
    SE Wisconsin, USA
  • Interests
    When my mood hasn't tanked my interests: Music: Chopin, Slayer, The Residents, and so on. Running. Russian Literature. History, politics, the origins of the universe, football, the meaning of life, sushi, playing the piano and guitar, ....
  1. Trace

    I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  2. rt, How long have you been on the wellbutrin? During the first 2-4 weeks I had crying fits that seemed to just randomly appear. Some of it may have been that as the emotional numbness wore off I began to feel something, similar to zenmama's experience. I've been on it for about a year and a half and it's really helped. I hope that it works for you. Nuit
  3. Nuit


    I used to, off and on for 30ish years. Most recently I stopped about 14 months ago, and again about 8 months ago. The 14 months ago was because the combination of smoking and Wellbutrin was making me feel more anxious and rather nauseous, though I started again anyway. About 8 months ago I started running. I had started this because the therapy and meds were helping a lot, but nothing seemed to really crack the occasional mood crashes. My Pdoc and therapist suggested running. It was an immediate mood boost and smoking just meant that I was gasping for air even more at the end of a run. I had to give up one of them so I quit smoking; cold turkey. This time I don't miss it, mostly; perhaps it's the running high. For those who want to quit, I feel your pain; though you'll be glad that you did. Good luck I agree with gentle sun; in the long run it just makes it all worse. J
  4. Trace, SteelyMoose and Lizzy, Thank you so much for the sympathetic words, advice and encouragement. I did talk to her about my emotions concerning her departure. The things I said to her were essentially the same things I wrote in my original post. I said that though I hadn't fallen in love with her, I was going to miss her and was having a difficult time understanding what I was feeling. I told her that though I had taken ownership of my own progress that I never would have been able to do it without her compassion and humor and that I was so grateful for her help in giving me my life back. Contrary to my fears, she said that what I was feeling was fairly normal considering all the emotions that we have dealt with. We also talked about how the patient therapist relationship played a part in the treatment. She was glad that I felt comfortable enough to talk about this, and it helped me to understand it. I can step back some from the emotions I've felt about her leaving. I am at a kind of crossroads; I've shed many of the negative thoughts about who I thought I was. I want to finish that task and work out who I really am and who I want to be. I think you know what I mean. I think this would be a good time for review, so thanks also for the suggestion. She did give me the name of someone with whom she thought I'd connect: another caring therapist with a wild sense of humor. So I guess I'll see how it goes with him. I'll still miss her, but the emotions are not so convoluted. I'm also glad that you, SteelyMoose, found another great therapist. Anyway, thanks again for the encouragement. I'm really glad I talked to her about this. Joe
  5. Trace, Thank you so much for the advice. You helped me to get some perspective on this. I'd been going back and forth, and in circles, about this. I feel more comfortable about the whole thing and how to proceed. I see her tomorrow. Also, I am grateful that I had such a wonderful therapist, even if it was only for the year. Thanks, Nuit
  6. My therapist is leaving and I'm really feeling bad. I
  7. I turned 45 in April, but that's only 8 in dog years. The age I feel is usually somewhere in between the two, which is a blessing and a curse.
  8. braap and Sheepwoman, Thank you for the information. I wanted some input before I see the Pdoc, and this really helps. This sounds encouraging, since I've really had my fill of mood plummets, and hopefully this will be the combination for me.
  9. I'm currently on Wellbutrin SR (150mg 2xday) and I've been on it for 8 months. It has moved my average mood from really depressed to sort of OK, and sometimes even good. However my mood will randomly nose dive irrespective of what's going on in therapy or in my life. The Pdoc and therapist are thinking about adding Lamictal to the Wellbutrin SR. So far my diagnosis is clinical depression, so the hope is that it will prevent the crashes into deep dark moods. Does anyone have experience with this combination?
  10. I found it through Google. I had done a search on the side effects of Wellbutrin and found some comments on this site. What a find; it helped me to see that I'm not alone.
  11. I had about 4-6 drinks during the first month I was on 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL and it was an extremely unpleasant experience. My motor coordination was shot from twitchiness, I was very unpleasantly inebriated, and I had a ferocious hangover. But worst of all I went into a deep despair that lasted a few days; mood wise the next day was total hell. Having said that, I've been on it for 7 months and can tolerate 2, maybe 3 glasses of alcohol on weekends. If I exceed that I don't get a terrible hangover, but my mood absolutely nose dives. And it is really a hellish despair. Even 2 drinks sometimes gives it a nudge down depending on the circumstances. In general, I find that the Wellbutrin triples the effect of alcohol. Anyway, take it really easy the first time. Others have pointed out that alcohol is a depressant and really that's the last thing any of us need. It might be best to stay away from alcohol entirely, but I gather you don't want to do that. Maybe before your birthday you could see how 1 or 2 drinks affect you? When you are not in a situation where people keep handing you drinks? You also might talk to one of your friends about this, and ask her/him to cut you off after say 2ish drinks. When you say "a couple drinks" please try and stick to it. I mean, the point is to have fun on your birthday, isn't it? Bye the way, Happy Birthday (in advance).
  12. I'm the oldest, with two younger sisters. Depression runs through all of us to varying degrees, which I'm guessing was inherited from our father. Looking back I see signs that he had it, but was never treated; at least as far as I know. Our family life was mostly positive. Though, we kids now see that the treatment was not the same for all. It seems that I had it the easiest. I hid what I was feeling, and managed to hide most of the trouble I had gotten into until very late teens. I think this put my siblings on a much tighter leash, which I feel badly about. I feel that my problems were from outside events and my brain's chemical soup. Incidentally, now we are very close to one another.
  13. My experience with Wellbutrin XL has been pretty typical. Its initial zing made me jittery and crabby, but this wore off after a week. I've been on it for about 6 months, and it did eventually give my mood a definite lift. I had hoped for some level of sustained happiness, and haven't reached that yet. Though, I was taking it mostly so that I wouldn't crash as I probed nastier corners of my psyche, and it has definitely helped there. Also, when I do have a really bad span of days I’ve been able to pull out of that state more quickly than in the past. In case you don't already know, there is a risk of seizures with Wellbutrin, and alcohol can increase the likelihood of this. I found that Wellbutrin unpleasantly magnified the effect of alcohol. So, be cautious with the Spotted Cows. It’s the only AD I’ve tried so far, and the therapy only started this year, so I speak from limited experience. Lest I forget, it doesn't have a negative impact on the sex drive; a possible side effect of some other ADs. It gave mine quite a kick. Still, I am very glad that I broke out of my own denial and am seeking treatment. I haven't really overcome the fear of stigma and the occasional feeling that it is a sign of weakness. I'm just trying to ignore those attitudes and thoughts. I have been fairly open with family and friends about my struggle with depression. I wanted to weep with joy when I read MichaelBlue's post on how Terry Bradshaw openly struggled with depression. I feel that by being open, us lesser mortals can help remove some of the stigma for the younger generation. Though I realize this is a private decision. My family has mixed opinions on my progress, but I'm proud of how far I've come. Thank you for asking. I'm glad to see that the therapy is helping you. Good luck with the meds and keep us posted. And yes, I'm so grateful for a little warm weather. That white stuff all over the ground actually melts: I'd almost forgotten.
  14. BearsTrail, I hadn't expected to hear a response from someone who tended toward the "blame myself" perspective. It's an odd comfort that someone shares, or used to share, this view. Hopeful One Thanks for the question and your input; it
  15. I started therapy 9 months ago and didn't take any medication at first. The therapist encouraged medication after the negative thoughts got out of control. I'm taking Wellbutrin XL 300mg. The Wellbutrin hasn't made me happy, but it has improved the average mood and kept it from constantly crashing to earth. I find that if I am discussing particularly nasty issues it makes it easier to confront them without getting overwhelmed. I see the medication as a support for the therapy. I also use meditation, exercise, playing music and other hobbies. Whatever works. Good luck with your decision.
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