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About djaef

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    Junior Member
  • Birthday 10/20/1965

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    Computers, The Internet, writing, photography, music, film, literature, my wife, my children, nature, vegetarianism, politics...
  1. Happy Birthday - I hope you are doing well :)

  2. I hope you have a fantastic day :)

  3. Happy Birthday :)

  4. Stainboy, I'm not sure I've ever had anything other than a "job", but regardless I have always done the best I could in every job, and so have been very good at every job I've ever done. I have always felt I should be doing so much more... I suppose that I've always felt that my talents lay in a particular area and that anythjing else was meaningless. And even outside of what I feel about myself, I feel very strongly about western capitalism and consumerism. I don't know if you know the Clash song "Clampdown", but that really sums up how I feel. I feel the whole job market is just abuse. Using people, wasting their lives for your financial benefit. I'm probably a real Marxist at heart. In all honesty I just want to go to the country and grow vegies and walk the hills, and abstain form western society... Fruitcake to the nth degree...
  5. Lucinda, I love SF/ fantasy, and have been reading it for over 30 years. Here are my favourites: Donaldson - He is a SF/ Fantasy legend. He's an American. He's probably the highest selling Fantasy author ever. He has written some really great SF books as well (The Gap series). His books should be available everywhere. Frank Herbert - particularly the "Dune" series of 6 or so books. Absolutely top class SF. His son has continued the series on, but I wouldn't know about those. Julian May - She is a New York writer of about 60 or more. Her books are SF/Fantasy and are also as good as it gets. Her first series The Saga of Pliocene Exiles consisting of 4 books is absolutely brilliant. The follow up series to that was The Galactic Milieu Series which IMO wasn't quite as good. Then she did Trillium series, which I haven't read, and the last two series she wrote, The Rampart Worlds (3 books) and Boreal Moon (3 books) are both her in top form. And of course, if you haven't read Lord of the Rings, start there. It's the book that started it all... But seriously, there are a lot of SF / Fantasy authors out there, and some are better than others. These 3 above will provide you with about 30 or 40 or more books of the absolute highest quality there is. Enjoy.
  6. So, if we're scared of sharks, we'll attract them in the water??? :tongue: Sorry to be facetious Wayne, I totally agree. I can't help but think that the only way we can "fail" in life is to commit suicide; ie to choose to tun away from life. Life is all we have and to live is to succeed. to live to 90 then is a great success, no matter the petty details of our lives. Of course we can raise the argument to a much higher degree by talking about ideals and striving to live up to your own ideals, and being true to your nature and all that, but at the very base, there is survival. If we survive we succeed.
  7. I used to read soooo much more before I got kids. That said, I've just finished Fatal Revenant, the second book in The Last Chronicles of Thomas Covenent, by Stephen Donaldson. I think the Covenent series is a good a "story" as Lord of the Rings, if not better. Donaldson is a fabulous writer if you're into fantasy/SF. In the literature side of things, my favourite modern writers are Salman Rushdie, Ian McEwan and Peter Carey. I could name another 50 fabulous writers, but my memory is like a sieve...
  8. My trouble with careers is one of the major sources of my depression. It's not as if I'm stupid. I always had good grades, and it was more my complete lack of feeling like I fitted in when I was 17 that saw me leave school before I was finished. Nothing much has changed in over 25 years. I still struggle with the whole western capitalist consumer society and my place within it. Since then I have gone back to school and obtained a BA in Communications, a Diploma of Photography, and sub Diploma qualifications in IT and Small Business Admin. The list of jobs I've had (I would never say I've ever had a career) is reasonable short, as I've spent a lot of time travelling or unemployed. I've been a printer, a painter, a postman, a bottle shop manager, a film director's assistant and a cab driver to name a few. But never a place where I didn't feel like I was taken advantage of, or simply not paid well enough. The lack of a career, with all its identity crisis implications has dogged me since I was a teenager. Now I'm 42 and still struggling. Only now I'm trying to start my own business, building on my photography and design skills. God, how I hate how work rules us. I hate myself for not being able to cope with it. It makes me feel utterly useless. Utterly...
  9. This time round about 3-4 years, but this is the first time I have been diagnosed, and it has opened my eyes to the fact I've had depressive reactions and episodes going all the way back to my late teens. So 20 years + now, with constant dysthymia at the best of times, interspersed by 4 or 5 major depressive episodes that seems to last several years.
  10. There is of course a web site for Internet Addiction. They can help with good advice. I think Internet addiction is particularly dangerous for depression sufferers as it just keeps them indoors and isolated more, when it would be better to go for a walk, do some gardening, or practice being social.
  11. When I had my last major depressive episode (that lasted a year or so) I ended up being totally addicted to the net. I spent 10-15 hours a day on the net, and even worse, I became obsessive about ONE topic. I spent basically all my waking hours being a fan of a particular band. I was a hard core Queen fan. In the course of a year I accumulated 120GB (that's GIGAbytes) of Queen material - bootleg concerts, dvds, pictures, remixes, albums, solo work, etc etc...) Absolutely obsessive. At the time I had no real idea of how obsessive I was, nor how much time I was spending on the net. 2 years later, and I still use the net a lot (1-4 hours a day), but it's back under control at least. And Queen... I haven't listened to them for ages now. I'm just wondering how common this is...
  12. That sounds really interesting Blueoyster. I have heard that very explanation several times. It fits with how I think as well. What I need though is detailed instructions and a lot of help. If you have any resources in this direction (links etc) could you please PM them to me.
  13. I have a terrible memory and I'm not on any meds. My pdoc reckons it's pretty normal with depression. My wife is constantly asking me about stuff that we have recently talked about and I can't remember half of it. TO me it seems like anything in the last day I can remember. After that you might get lucky and you might not. It's also very selective. I can remember lots of movies and cultural details, and I'm really good at Trivial Pursuit and the like. But my wife discussing how we should discipline our kids last week, did it even happen? Same with my childhood. There are huge gaps. Chunks of time that never seem to resurface - I always wonder if something bad happened back then, or whether it's just my leaky brain. :tongue:
  14. I've had anxiety attacks many times while I'm up there. Lot of good it does, when you are stuck and can't get out. It's so unnatural to be up there and at the same time so safe and so banal that it spins me out. How anyone could be a stewardess I can't imagine. My wife is Danish so I am forever destined to fly, but I am absolutely terrified of being in a crash. It's an unreasonable fear, but it's real enough for me. Drugging myself has never been an option for me as we have always had our two small kids with us, and I need to focus on them. I usually can manage to deal with the anxiety attacks, but last time it nearly got out of control. Luckily my wife talked me down.
  15. Great topic Drowning! I'll have to add my ten cents. I think the majority seem to be in agreement here that depression is a complicated thing, and not easily prescribed to one cause. My attitude is pretty close to the opposite of Lek, and at the same time very similar... I think that depression stems in most people from many years of thinking a particular way about life. It's possible that this negative thinking then causes chemical imbalances in the brain. It's also quite possible (in fact very likely) that some depressive illnesses are purely biological, and even inheritable. Many are likely a combination of the above. But the main reason I don't choose to see depression as an "illness" where the only thing to do is go see a doctor and take some medication for it, is that that model disempowers the person, leaving you no way to fight for yourself. I totally agree that for many people the best approach is to take meds AND go to therapy, but for me, the therapy and working with your thought patterns and beliefs are the more important of the two. I feel that meds are mainly good to control a depression back to the point where you can work with yourself effectively. If we think of it in terms of it being purely an "illness" then we are at the mercy of medicine, and helpless as kittens. That's a scary thought. On the other hand I agree with a lot of what Lek says about having no control over positive thoughts when in a depressive state, and I ave experienced the type of helplessness Lek talks of many times, and so I have to admit it appears that there is clearly some biochemical imbalance in charge of my brain and not me. At other times, I'm clearly in the driver's seat. So it's a b***ch of an illness / condition isn't it. I think any way we can think of depression that doesn't make us a helpless victim is a good way of looking at it. It seems we are mostly in agreement on this topic, so that's a good thing.
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