The short of it is I did something stupid at university, and the most likely consequence is one that will probably ruin my career. No it wasn't failing classes. I didn't cheat/plagiarize but I broke a serious rule of a professor and it wasn't a frivolous one. It unambiguously is a bad look to break that rule. If you saw the situation you would probably be suspicious of me at the very least. It very likely will end up on my academic misconduct record. At least I can still earn my degree, and graduate with a high GPA, but it will mean nothing...
Please spare me the "shouldn't have done something wrong in the first place" speech. I tell it to myself every day now.
I genuinely regret what I did, not just because of the potential consequences. I didn't cheat, but I still broke a rule. I was wrong. But I don't know how I can forgive myself and rebuild my life. I think about what I did all day every day.
It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been on the path to a stellar (and I mean stellar) career. I had and still have great research skill in a number of STEM fields (I learn very quickly but only when I'm interested in something). I wanted to go to grad school, get a fellowship. In high school my grades were bad but in university they soared...until I screwed everything up. University was my second chance and I messed that up too.
I wanted to become a great scientist and had the talent for it but I messed everything up. Now I don't know what to do with my life...I can't stop thinking about who I could have been...
Worst of all is that I had impressed that professor, legitimately. We could be good friends now if not for my mistake...
I still have many years left of life but I don't know how I'm going to live knowing how good I could have had it...I know I have to. But I have no other dreams...I used to smile all the time but now all I feel is depression and anxiety...
How do I find new dreams to pursue? I don't know if anyone will give me a second second chance.
Basically, what do I do now?
At least I still have my talent, but I don't know if I can convince anyone anymore that it is genuine...
