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kmess4200

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  1. How I'm feeling exactly is hard to explain. But I feel like I'm losing control of myself and acting impulsively. I feel empty inside and have no emotions besides a burning anger inside me. I some times have thoughts about harming myself, but it's mostly about harming others. I feel like an absolute MONSTER, or some insane serial killer for having these thoughts. I don't want to hurt anyone! But why can't I stop constantly thinking about it?! Also lately things haven't been seeming "real" to me. I don't know if it's depersonalization or some type of dissociation state or my anxiety playing tricks on me. I suffer from PTSD, borderline personality disorder, major depression, and anxiety disorder. I just want to be the happy and calm person like I know I'm capable of being, not this evil "alter ego" who I don't recognize. Has anyone ever gone through similar? Right now i feel so alone.
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