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Dryemptywell

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About Dryemptywell

  • Birthday 06/19/1975

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    Female
  • Interests
    Used to love cooking, nature, d.i.y, crafts, lately no interest in anything(hope to update this real soon

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  1. I feel exactly the same. when someone asks how you are... they don't really want to know. nobody cares about others anymore. The human race has become even more selfish than we ever were. Good luck with the volunteering. I am so glad to finally find someone to talk to, at least it is just on the screen and so far I had no judgements... enjoy your day.
  2. Reading this shocked me. I thought that I was the only person that felt lonely even with everything and everyone else around. I sometimes think in my head what would happen if I died... I feel like I am never seen. Yes I am Mom, and maid, and nurse, and everything else, but like you say it is the role of "mom". I don't even remember the last time anyone asked me how I am, or even said good night or good morning. Never would I ever even think to hope for a "how are you" or god forbid "I love you", or even Thank you.... outside I feel like an alien in a world that I don't really belong in. I get lonely and invite people over.. I won't say friends, because in my head they are all users... I don't have friends. but the moment they come over it is like I have a panic attack. I don't talk, don't really know what to say, and end up doing everything for them like my family. cleaning up and serving everyone. Thank you for sharing your experience. makes me feel little more human
  3. Thank you to all of you for the kind and understanding words. I really do feel like just having someone read my problems makes it a little more bearable. It really is extremely tough not having anyone to talk to about your feelings. I always keep everything bottled up inside, so that it does not upset anyone else. hence the dry and empty well name. I feel like I am always just giving and giving. and now that well is drying up, and I have nowhere to turn to fill it up. My plan to recovery is to keep to a routine for now, that is teatime is depression forum time. Thank you so much for being so nice... all of you. I hope you all have an awesome day!
  4. Having a pretty good day today, which is why I decided to reach out again, become almost human again. I would just like to know if you have as many issues as I do, where do you post? I guess the first thing is to decide that I want to feel better. somehow I need to get myself out of this big black hole. Hell nobody will do it for me. Choosing to live is hard enough today. Since my last post so much has happened, I cried, I thought about dying, I thought about ******* myself, but the one thing that always stops me is the fear of it not working, and having to face the few I want to leave behind, and then the pain it may cause if it does not work. funny... I guess I am not suicidal. I think that is my biggest problem, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I am just so unhappy, I sometimes think I am depressed, but I get up, I do what needs to be done, I play with my dog, I laugh at funny programs on tv, but when it is just me and my thoughts.... that is a scary place. No I have not been to see a doctor or talked to someone. because I don't know what it is that has me so unhappy. ok. so I am asking for you help. 1. I am in a relationship that is not working 2. I have a teenage son that hates me, (previous relationship he was the target of some physical abuse, ) I ended it because of that. 3. I am not working 4. I left my family and friends to move to this new relationship. 5. very small town. No opportunity to work. 6. recently had to remove all my teeth. TRAUMA.....!!!!! i have dentures..... but that is a whole new depression topic. (maybe I should start a thread?) 7. If I stay my son has no future. just like me, but I have no idea how to start over. would love to hear your comments on this so long. will ad the rest of the list once I see the answers..... little scary putting everything up...
  5. We always read in all self help stuff... get busy, do something you like. Well when you really are depressed it is like you like nothing. I get up in the mornings because I want to have a smoke, no other reason would get me out of bed. I hit a really bad low a couple of days ago, and like always ended up on google trying to find out some way to figure out how I am feeling.  Am I depressed, or am I just a naturally unhappy person. sometimes I think I am just inclined to be anxious, and negative. then 2 weeks ago I did some real soul searching. I am leaning towards a naturally unhappy personality. I am now slowly starting to try to find myself. so thanks to all of you on this forum. reading the blogs, and the topics. it really does help. makes you feel less alone. 

     

  6. Hi Mel. Sometimes being unhappy in a relationship and not being able to get out of it is worse than abuse. I also don't think that you can ever ask for being hit. Physical abuse is never okay. I empathize with you because I am in a similar situation. I am financially dependent on my partner, and sometimes it feels like the walls are closing in on me. I also know that it is extremely easy for others to say that you should just leave. for you I truly pray for the strength to stay and somehow better your life. I have resigned to the fact that I am not going to get out of this hell that I find myself in, so I have decided to better myself. I have shifted the focus to me. I am now slowly starting everyday for me. this has been 2 weeks now, that I have started to change small things so that I feel I have accomplished something, and then I reward myself. I have always been a people pleaser, and I am sure you are too. We often forget about ourselves and only focus on those around us. I have become selfish. not mean, just adding myself on the other list. for example. I wake up 10 minutes earlier everyday now. make myself a cup of coffee, sit and just relax. then I go for a short walk. 10 minutes. When I come back miraculously everyone is up and tending to themselves. This is a small change, but to me it made a major difference. sounds silly when I read this back, but it is true. I felt totally overwhelmed, by just doing everything for everybody, running to the kitchen barely awake, sorting breakfast, and coffee, washing dishes, and never getting a thank you. first day was a total shock, when I came back in after my walk, everyone was waiting for me... I shrugged my shoulders, got in to the shower, and never looked back. now when I get out of the shower everyone went on with their day. I still have to do the dishes. but that's ok. I am aiming for small wins. This week I pulled out all my sewing supplies, going to try to find some joy in that again. maybe this will help you in some way, but even just posting my sadness seems to lift my spirits. Good luck to you, J.
  7. After years of wondering, googling, thinking, reading self help books, meditation etc. I guess I have to admit something really is not right. If you end up googling depression instead of watching tv, or doing your daily tasks, that should be a sign. Well sign seen and here I am. No real idea on where I am heading or why I am here.... Maybe this is me finally admitting I have a problem. somehow all this time always told myself if I still get up and do all the tasks, then I am not depressed. just unhappy. Lately it seems to be more than that. So a shout out to everyone out there. guess we will struggle through this together.
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