Hi Mel.
Sometimes being unhappy in a relationship and not being able to get out of it is worse than abuse. I also don't think that you can ever ask for being hit. Physical abuse is never okay. I empathize with you because I am in a similar situation. I am financially dependent on my partner, and sometimes it feels like the walls are closing in on me. I also know that it is extremely easy for others to say that you should just leave. for you I truly pray for the strength to stay and somehow better your life. I have resigned to the fact that I am not going to get out of this hell that I find myself in, so I have decided to better myself. I have shifted the focus to me. I am now slowly starting everyday for me. this has been 2 weeks now, that I have started to change small things so that I feel I have accomplished something, and then I reward myself. I have always been a people pleaser, and I am sure you are too. We often forget about ourselves and only focus on those around us. I have become selfish. not mean, just adding myself on the other list. for example. I wake up 10 minutes earlier everyday now. make myself a cup of coffee, sit and just relax. then I go for a short walk. 10 minutes. When I come back miraculously everyone is up and tending to themselves. This is a small change, but to me it made a major difference. sounds silly when I read this back, but it is true. I felt totally overwhelmed, by just doing everything for everybody, running to the kitchen barely awake, sorting breakfast, and coffee, washing dishes, and never getting a thank you. first day was a total shock, when I came back in after my walk, everyone was waiting for me... I shrugged my shoulders, got in to the shower, and never looked back. now when I get out of the shower everyone went on with their day. I still have to do the dishes. but that's ok. I am aiming for small wins. This week I pulled out all my sewing supplies, going to try to find some joy in that again. maybe this will help you in some way, but even just posting my sadness seems to lift my spirits. Good luck to you, J.