Bowhunter

Yeah, she has mentioned that. My reply was that I didnt want to go because I didnt need to have someone else telling me how wrong I am. As much as I make it sound like my wife is the cause, it really is my issues that are the root of it all.

Thanks so much for just talking to me. Alot you say does pertain to me. I have so much to be happy for but yet Im always looking for something else. I really couldn't ask for more. Im not rich but I do have everything I hoped for. My wife really is a great person. Ive been 10x worse than she ever was but yet I still get this way. I never saw it years ago but I now know Im insecure. We started dating when I was 19, she 17. I knew of her other boyfriends before me and with my insecurities, I needed to know where I stood or how I compared. I never wanted either of us to have secrets and I needed reassurance that she had nothing she was hiding from me. She wasnt one to do alot with other boyfriends but yet shes never been comfortable talking about what she did. So to me Ive always felt that if theres not much to it, then it shouldn't be hard to talk about it. It was very important to me to feel secure that I wasnt going to be hurt or embarrassed and the desire for that information kept growing and now its like an addiction. I hate it because just out of nowhere, someone's name will pop up in my head out of nowhere.

EvergreenForrest4. I looked up the anxious attachment and avoidant. I think I actually am a little bit of both. Overall, I really am all over the place. I guess it depends on what day it is, but my insecurities and need for reassurance was always an issue too.

Thank you for responding. You are exactly right about the difference between my wife and I. I have told her so many times from when we started dating that it was important to me to be open with each other about everything. Things I needed to know to feel secure, she didnt like talking about. So I would feel I was being wierd and was wrong and I would stop. This still didnt help me. Anyways, I think her being uncomfortable and my need to talk made my issues progress to the point Im at now. Its an addiction now. She knows I have a problem and wants to help but any talk about something personal gets her upset and crying. She's a great person but not good at sincere talks. My mind has me convinced thats its so terrible, but I know Im lucky to have what I have. I just cant get my mind to let me live my life. It really is sad that I, and si many other people have to live like this. Retroactive Jealousy OCD. Obsessive thoughts/Anxiety/Compulsive Behavior/Temporary relief. Repeat over and over.

I see this forum isnt for me. I thought there would someone willing to discuss things. Guess I was wrong

To better explain my question, what can a person do when I am stuggling with issues between visits with my counselor? One of my biggest problems that Ive been trying to fight is Retroactive Jealousy. It comes out of nowhere and it takes over my thinking and I get to a point that I need to talk to someone. My wife is the one I need to talk to, but she is tired of going over the past. I dont blame her but at the same, I need some help.

I'm new and this is my first post. Like most on here, I have a long story (history) of trying to figure out how to be better. Tried what seems like 100's of different meds. Different Drs/nurse practitioners and even did some psychiatric counseling. Im 53 years old and sad that so much time has passed dealing with it, and I'm not excited about being like this till I die. I know what's right and wrong. I know all the things said to do. Exercise, meditation, etc, etc. But here I am still hoping. I'm just rambling now, but my question is, does anyone else just want someone to talk too or feel like you have caused so much pain to your spouse that you just cant bring it up anymore because you know they are growing tired of all the negatives.