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simsimon

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  1. Hello. I have never gone public, so forgive me if my writing is a bit loose, or if I write too much. From the beginning of my life, I have always felt that I was different and treated differently. That’s because I am. I have a syndrom called KlippelFeil, which basically is taring my life apart, and giving me endless depression and sleepless nights. Right now, I am 33 years old. When I look back at my life I just wonder why I am still alive. I have basically been either fired from all my 6 jobs or resigned by my own will. I have been at 4 schools, but I have never kept any of my friends. I have the feeling that People is deselecting me because of the way I look. Dating is completely impossible. 100% is rejecting me, for either my looks or there was no chemistry. I feel like Im failing everyday at my job, life etc. - bad mistakes, things that could have been avoided. I’ve just come to a point of life, where I actually do not wish to continue anymore. Everyday feels like a struggle and failure. If I knew how to quit from my life, I would have done it years ago. I have tried to take my own life multiple times, though never gotten any help other than my parents yelling or surveilling me and then eventually been left alone. Trust me, there’s nothing more that I would like to take new opportunities, it’s just not a good feeling that almost everywhere you go, people is staring at you because of my handicap/syndrom. And because of physically limitations, life just get limited very fast. Basic things like, playing guitar, play golf, etc I can’t do because of my limitations. People always say: You gotta do it the best you can- that just make me feel such a looser. Everyday is empty and alone- with no friends to care. I just so dearly would love to take over the world, get a career, but with my limitations - it just seems like a waste of time. I know it sounds weird but, It’s not that I don’t like life, I just hate my life so very very much.
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