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honoratha

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About honoratha

  • Birthday 01/19/2002

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    south africa, western cape
  • Interests
    art & music

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  1. hi yall i do not really know how all this works as i just joined today. but i guess i will just go straight ahed and explain my life story in the hopes that someone will read or what ever is actually supposed to happen after i have posted this, anyways i have probably rambled too much already, or not... i dont know anymore. everything in my life is just so confusing. i have no idea where to start, how to continue and where to end. i experience extreme anxiety, depression, ptsd and probably even more because io have not really been to a doctor. the last time i was at the hospital, i was maybe 8, i am 19, when my mother was still alive. anyways this life just does not make sense, i try my best to put a smile on everyday, but recently faking a smile is even becoming hard to do. so i am currently in my first year of university/college, its currently the second semester, and if you ask me what i have learnt last semester then i truly have no idea what to tell you. just like if you ask me what i ate last night, or what i did an hour ago. i don know if all this is normal or if need help. anyways, i am sick and tired of living like this. so the other day i may or not have jeopardized my residence mentor's mentorship because of a stupid thing i did with two friends of mine. i have not spoken to her since the incident because she appears to be angry, and i am angry at myself too. i have tried to reach her by going to her room to apologize in person but she has not been to her room all the times i went there. i dont know what to do and if she will ever forgive me. and if she never forgives me, i will never forgive me , too. anyways. also, i really what to get proper help, but i think i probably do not believe in paying for therapy. i want to speak to someone about how i truly feel but my own family members have iced me out for 10 years now and only now that i am in college they want to seem like they care, when in reality, it is when i was 9 years old that i really needed their attention. i just find it weird that they suddenly want to speak to me as if everything is fine, they say if i ever want to speak about anything i should just call, but the thing is i do not feel comfortable talking to them about my feelings because to me they are just equivalent to strangers. anyways, thank you for reading.
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