Hi Amaya, I'm so sorry you are having a really bad time. In my life, depression hit me hard 2 years back after a divorce. I often felt my life was over and has turned meaningless. I was always moody and in grief, anxiety took control over my life. I hardly could see any light at the end of the tunnel. It was the worst phase of my life and I preferred staying away from people and in my sorrows. My parents couldn't stand me this low, one day my sister called and suggested to consult a friend of hers, who is a therapist. Due to my sister's constant pressure, I went to see the doctor for therapy Initially, I didn't know what to say but later I ended up pouring my sorrows out, he was so gentle and listened patiently for hours. Later I could sleep that day peacefully. I understood all I needed was someone who cared to listen to me and give me hope. I started attending sessions under the doctor, Slowly it started to show little signs of progress in my personal life. Therefore I suggest you seek help, it can help you in many ways to lead a better life. I can truly relate and feel your pain and sincerely wish to see you heal.