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athsor

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  1. I'd like to call it "possible worlds OCD", but that's the name it has gotten in the community. I have this sort of OCD where I can't stop thinking about possible outcomes in my life if I had taken this or that decision, or if I had failed that one time because of my negligence. Right now I'm an independent lawyer and everything seems to be going rather good but I suddenly get one of these thoughts and I get paralyzed. It's like I'm working with my partner, all excited because it is a good case, and I suddenly get the "yeah, but what if you had done X thing 5 years ago? your life would be ruined and what you're doing right now wouldn't matter". I know it sounds silly but I can't stop believing that thinking in these possible worlds instead than just focusing on the present moment has some sort of existential rationality. So, do I want to think about this stuff and ruin my 30s like I almost ruined my 20s? I'm sure it's OCD because I've been diagnosed multiple times but, at the same time, I can't ignore the "rationality" of my thoughts. Like, how can I live knowing life is constructed by small parts and my present position is settled down on a ground in which multiple parts ALMOST didn't fit. That an accident, here and there, could've defined everything that I am right now. How can I with that thought just take everything like it is for granted and continue my life only focusing on the present moment? Thank you for your time.
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