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  1. I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for most of my adult life but especially over the past 3 years. I've been using every bad coping skill that I have to the tenth degree and escaping reality as much as I can. I thought after I had admitted myself to the psych ward over a year, that I had hit my rock bottom and was ready to make big changes. But I recently realized that all my previous experiences in therapy were always based on me trying to fix everyone else around me and questioning why they do things a certain way instead of focusing on what I needed to change and see for MYSELF. I started really trying to take care of myself toward the of last year but lost my insurance and therefore my therapist and have been out of it for the past 7 months -- and the spiral started again. I'm finally starting therapy again next week and for the first time, I'm ready to be honest with myself. I truly don't like myself and until I do, nothing is going to feel worth it and I can't keep putting Band-Aids on my pain. I wanted to write this here so I can hold myself accountable. I am ready to stop sabotaging myself. I am ready to start the healing process. I'm terrified, but it's more terrifying to think I could keep running down this dark path.
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