Jump to content


Platinum Member
  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Everything posted by vega57

  1. Dear Moiraine I 2 was a person of faith, I was brought up Catholic, I was an alter boy and even considered joining the priesthood 4 a brief moment. After indulging myself 4 years in all the bad things of life, in my med twenties I was invited by a friend to attend a certain church. I fell in love with the Lord, the way of life, which is very clean and ultra conservative and everything about it. Many of my old friends came to the same faith about the same time I did. After living years a chaotic way of life this was a big change for all of us. We felt that we had finaly found a place where we belonged and best of all we were welcomed by all and not judged. Prayer, fasting and reading the bible were a way of life for me, but as the bible states, do not look away, nor to the left or right, or else you fall away. Some of my friends left; I flourished, went to bible school and became an ordained minister. I prayed for the sick, for demon possed, was a teacher, preacher and youth pastor. I got a good paying job and best of all I actually enjoyed. Life was just the way I wanted it to be, but than things started to happen, I got injured, deaths occured, my faith started to wane and I left. I have tried numerous times to return, but it has been very hard and I have failed at every attempt. I still pray everyday, read the bible once in a while, but its not the same. I believe in God and heaven and that some day soon I'll be there, but for now I continue the struggle. Faith and Spirit, FV (please excuse my mis-spells)
  2. I was diagnosed with clinical sometime in 1989, shortly after i injured my back in June of 1988, at the exact moment of my injury I know my life would change forever, both physicaly and economiclly; I knew my comfortabel life was over. Not just for me, for my entire family, and of course I was right, I just didn't know how right I was. That same year in September first my daugther was born and died six hours later. This was a very big blow both to my wife and I, my other kids were still very young at the time. Her death brought back memories and flashbacks of all the suffering and destruction I had seen and experienced in the three conflicts in which I served. I started to see the faces of those who suffered, it was a very hard time. In between 1988 and 1998 I lost a number of people whom I loved dearly, including my oldest brother, who was and still is my hero, and my mother in-law who was like a mom to me. Just recently I was told that I never had bi-polar, but only clinical depression, believe me this was a big relief to me. The medication I was given was mimicking bi-polar like symtoms, I had a hard time getting off mood swing medication but I did very quick. Now I take only medication for my depression; at this point I am doing well. I still have hard days, but I manage. I have not been able to get back to work yet, I'm working towards that goal; I also want to return to school for my B.A. in international business and my masters in education. Presently I am a stay at home dad and grandfather, I enjoy this immensely, I consider myself blessed to be able to be home for my two daughters and my four grandkids. It makes our budget tight but I would not trade this rare opportunity for anything in this life. FYI: I am a father of five girls, 11-26, father of one son, 23 and of course granddaddy of 4 grand kids; they call me "Pop". Well I guess thats it.
  3. hey tommax i sure hope u r doing better today. i was diagnosed with depression in 1988; i have gone thru some dark periods and some very good periods since then, a perfect place is right in the middle, where i am now. u have the right to discuss with ur doc about how u r feeling, but keep in mind that all meds take a while to kick in, not just depression meds. though i have never taken the particular meds ur on, i have taken numerous meds, it took a good while to find the one that has helped me the most. i still have some bad days, but not nearly as the ones i had before. please remember that our illness is a serious one, but we can manage it so we live a normal life as possible (normal means a well balanced life). get plenty of rest, try to eat the best u can, maybe take some good vitimans. anger is normal feeling that most of us feel, but take positive action, don't let it build up and become a distructive force in ur life. sorry about any mis-spells, i can't figure out how to download the spell check yet, but i will. keep ur head and spirits up, and please remember i'm always a click away if i can help u. Frank
  4. good for u that u decided 2 see a doc and start meds; remember they r here 2 help those of us who need it. please follow thru and always keep in mine that depression is not an end all, just a little bump in this road of life. keep up ur head and spirits, FV
  5. u need 2 set new goals if u feel u can't succed with the old ones, maybe those old goals wll be attainable later in life. were the these goals really attainable, only u can figure this out, some one can assist u with this. u can also write them down as i have and than cross out ones that r less important or set them aside for somethime in the future. it does not mean that u have abondon them. u can also set new goals. after i was no longer to work in the public sector, i went to school and learned new things so i could work at home and at my own pace. from there things really picked up and i only take on work that i know i can do; i had to re-direct myself, it was't easy and i'm still working on it daily. i know sometimes its hard to keep striving for things u want, when i feel this way i try to look at the good things i have, such as my wife and kids, grandkids and some of my health (ha,ha, ha). hang around positive people, not negetive ones, they just drag down. keep ur head and spirits up!! Frank
  6. first, please try to make sure that u r in fact being ignored by people, or is it just ur perception that others r ignoring u. sometimes because of illness or state of mine u main feel this way. it may be the way u approach people, remember not everyone can empathize with u and some people r to pre-occupied with their own lives. there is always someone that is willing to listen, sometimes the least person who u expect. others may be leary of talking to u becuase they don't know how to deal with what u r going through, its not their fault, remember they may be going thru their problems. you always have this site to vent and talk, everyone here has had some type regection, or feeling of being regected. stay positive and u can always find me here. best of everything 2 u. Frank
  7. Welcome to the Forum, Lucrecia. like they say "cleanliness is next to Godliness". keeping a clean hous is not an illness, it just means you like a clean house and it doesn't look like my desk. my wife and i like a clean house, but with kids and grandkids its a bit hard to keep clean all the time. don't stess, do your best and enjoy life. remember, your house will probably need cleaning and arranging the next day, its like taking a shower, you need to do it often...at least one should. hold your head high. Frank
  8. Ur very forturenant that zoloft has helped u, when i tried it i ended up in the hospital after going of the deep end. the only med that has helped me some is paxil, but i still suffer bouts of depression. prozac also made me feel better, but that was the problem, i felt to much better. plus i felt very diconnected from my emotions, nothing bother me and i was always "giddy). people always asked me why i was so "up" all the time. at first i thought i was suppose to feel this way, even my doctor noticed how i was acting and reacting, he finaly took me off zoloft and i came crashing down and back to the hospital. sorry for any mis-spells, i can't download a spell checker. FV
  9. i turned 50 on 10/04, to me this was a very stressful day because i feel that 75-85 percent of my life is over; i feel like i have done nothing with the majority of my life. i have not been able to work for the last 5 years due to my depression, so yes birthdays for me have been ominous days, i hate them, not because i am getting older but because of my lack of accomplishments. as for "feeling" bad days coming, is it normal, who knows, but i can feel a bad day coming the night before, i can't sleep which makes it much worse. i don't change my daily routine, i already spend most days at home, like a hermit. i don't like to visit anyone, at anytime, i don't care who it is. i don't like going anywhere, and i mean anywhere. days are carbon copies of each other, i stay home, in my room. my wife hates this, but now she understands that this is my safety net, this is where i feel in control to a degree. here i can go bananas, sulk, cry or whatever happens that particular day. just like you, i hate birthdays, but than i again, i hate most days. FV
  10. because of my hesitation of being around to much people, i work out at home, in my back yard, plus i walk during the cool time of the year. i lift weigths, not to heavy, just enough to help keep my muscles toned. i lift between 30 min. to an hour, 3 times a week, 3 repetions of 8. not t10. this works for me. in another life time, before depression and back surgies, i use to jog between 5 and 25 miles 5 days a week. i ran while in high school and improved when i was in the army. i also hiked into the indian canyons in and around palm springs, played lots of volleyball. i miss those days. anyway this is how i try to keep fit.
  11. Hi and Welcome to DF Elly I hope you make as many friends and gain as much support as I and so many others have here. Don't worry, you didn't post in the wrong place, I replied to your other welcome message in the relationship room too. Your life sounds a little like mine. Please make yourself feel at home here. Once you have made five posts you will be able to start your own topic, if you are in immediate need of support you may start a topic in Members Needing Extra Support (MNES). I look foward to seeing you posting on the boards. Trace
  • Create New...