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Everything posted by vega57

  1. What matters is what you think, please don't gauge yourself by what others think, opinions are as different as people. And please take into account our mental illness colors our thoughts. Be good to yourself.
  2. Like I said you don't lack confidence. Don't we all wish we had your confidence. I do
  3. You are welcome. Keep positive, remember things can be worse but in reality you have made a good life for you and your family.
  4. Doesn't want to be bothered, at least in word but this could have a double meaning: help me but I'll let you know when I need it. Conversely some people are just so miserable due to mental illness that they just want to be left alone, which I personally think can be a bit dangerous. Obviously I don't know you or your friend but I just recently learned that this can be a one symptom of PTSD. Maybe you should gently and carefully prod your friend a bit at a time but please remember that some people mean what they say even if it's to their detriment.
  5. Breath in life everyday and appreciate the little things for they add up to big things.
  6. If you weren't "smart enough" you wouldn't have the job. Looks are a temporary and fleeing thing, at least what some call good looks; obviously you at the very least beautiful enough for your husband to have looked and admired you when he first saw you. I'm 59 my wife is 60, definitely notspring chickens anymore but to me she is the most beautiful woman in the world and I'm the most fortunate man that she even looked at me when we first met. The very first time I met her, in fact within the first hour I told her that someday she would be my wife, she laughed, her friends laughed but I got the last laugh and her. March 28th marks our 38th anniversary. Not to bad for an ugly guy, don't you think. Until recently we had six living children, another died at childbirth plus another young man who wasn't our biological son died a few years ago, to us he was just our son, no difference. Life for you and I and everyone else who suffers with mental illness will never be the same as for who don't but we can live productive lives just the same, we just have to realize and accept that its a bit different. Be thankful please and give yourself a break.
  7. You ask can anyone relate to this, only, probably a hundred percent of us. This is mental illness in a nutshell, everything you mentioned. If it does crumble, which I greatly doubt it's not because you don't deserve it but BECAUSE of your illness. This is exactly why you must do your best to stay healthy, but not only mentally but physically. And sometimes we say we are depressed for no reason, that's also mental illness and not true. We have MI because something doesn't work correctly upstairs, in our brain so it really doesn't come out of nowhere or all of a sudden and because of our illness we sometimes aren't aware but we are aware that something isn't quite right. We all deserve ALL the goodness and joy of life, all of us. You deserve it, I deserved it, we all deserve it. You know that saying, fake it till you make it, sometimes we have to do this. You have so many of the things that many of us used to have or never had because of our illness. You are indeed fortunate and if you believe in God blessed. Yeah it's hard to appreciate things at times and when you are having a moment like this take stock of what you have, and new beautiful child, a wonderful husband, education, a great job, sounds pretty good to me. I don't do luck but I do hope the best for you and yours.
  8. Glad I could be of some help. One positive thinking about getting older is not sweating every single thing and not worry about what others may think of you. A negative, well getting older. Lol
  9. Mental illness I think plays a role in low self esteem and causes lots of other problems. I wish I could advise you on this matter but I really can't other than to suggest writing a list of what YOU see as your positives. By doing so it gives something tangible to look at and work off of; do the same for what YOU see as your negatives, some you may be able to change to positive and the ones you can't change may not be worth changing. I do this myself and it really had helped me. Please give it a whirl.
  10. Welcome. I was going to tell you that maybe you just lacked confidence but I'd be way wrong, I would never, ever post a picture of myself here or anywhere, so congrats. I'm a straight male but I'm old enough now to be able to say what I think, see or is my heart without worrying about people think of me aslong as I don't offend anyone. So from my own perspective it's not your looks or lack of hair that may be what YOU consider women find unattractive, it may be that you are looking at or are attracted to women that don't match your personality, way of life or your life in general. I must include a disclaimer: my new meds I'm taking for my liver make my thinking about bit fuzzy. Lol. Maybe you should take stock of your life, things you like to do or enjoy such as hiking, kind of music, family, exercise and look for female friendship first that match you, and if you both are happy it will progress naturally from there. Don't be in a rush, if you don't enjoy YOU first then how can others get to know you. Obviously not every female you meet and strike up a relationship is going to pan out but the right one for you is out there for you. I didn't read what type of MI you deal with but first and foremost if you are not stable your perception of yourself and others can be cloudy. I'll stop here cause I feel terrible. I could say to be confident but I don't think you need it. Lol. Good luck to you newbie.
  11. This I will tell you all: I thought that by this, 59 I would have things all figured out but depression isn't something TO BE figured out, it's something to figure out how to best live with. It's a companion that you don't want along on your journey but can't get rid so we must do our best to live with. Depression is like any other illnesses, it doesn't discriminate.
  12. Unfortunately we face to many developers with to much money and politicians who think the more is built the better. Soon the only wildlife left will be us humans. Now that I think about it I haven't heard crickets nor seen bats in a few years. Wow.
  13. vega57


    This are the kinds of days I really hate, I'm doing ok then suddenly it goes downhill. Why, I really wish I knew. Something or someone or just randomly pops up.
  14. You are very fortunate. Unfortunately we have lost much of their habitat; in the last few years the only time I would see one is on the side of the roads where they'd been hit and killed. A few years ago I went four wheeling where I used to take my children and ran smack into a golf course green. Our desert is fast disappearing. Additionally and areas where you could once take your office road vehicles are now fenced off not only because of the fringed toe lizard, desert tortoise but because people would get drunk, go into areas where they weren't allowed and often get killed. Plus there are million dollar homes way into the canyons and as far into the hills aso possible, even along the San Andreas fault line. That's insane and can be deadly plus I don't think they qualify for earthquake insurance. We used to camp deep in the desert, hear coyotes but now all you hear is traffic. Count your blessings and stand firm against so called progress.
  15. Last night I actually heard coyotes, they used to be common here but now like my son says: not no moe.
  16. Bad choices of yesterday are gone just like yesterday, can't bring it back but you can do better tomorrow. But remember tomorrow will be yesterday so worry only about today and not the bad choices that already happened.
  17. First let me tell that I feel for you, my wife lost two sisters to cancer in a span of eleven months, in addition to her mother and brother and few years back. I've lost to many myself, children, brothers and one sister. My brother was killed in an ambush in palm Springs on October 8 last year along with a colleague, my eldest sister had a stroke the day he died and we buried her December 1st. I sat my garage for couple of weeks not wanting to go on but we have to. Contrary to what our brains tell us, life isn't over, it may feel like it is and worst yet we may want it to but it's not. We have to live. We really do. I pray and wish the best for you.
  18. This may sound counter to what you expect but here goes: I was never my children's friend, not till they grew up. If I had been their friend I couldn't have been the parent they needed or I needed to be. We have a very good relationship but we had made bumpy roads when they reached their teens; they've often thanked their mother and I for the way we raised them and they try to emulate us, for better or worse. I truly am sorry for the relationship you have with your mother and the way she makes you feel but it sounds like you are finding your own way. Maybe that strength came from her.
  19. The choice not to risk doing something out of fear. I may have over compensated but I never made that choice again.
  20. My wife has asked me that why when I'm with my kids and grandchildren I seem so far away, I tell her I'm not, I'm filling my memories bank for the day I leave this earth. I want to reply these memories as I'm passing to the next chapter.
  21. My wife, daughter and grandchildren went to the park today after church, I was listening to kid's laughter and it reminded me of how much I miss my own kid's laughter. Grown-ups laughter just isn't the same.
  22. The same happened to me when I first used meds for depression, it wasn't Prozac, I can't remember the name but it was one of the older ones. I waited the four weeks as instructed but like you it never worked and made me way more depressed, to the point of suicidal thoughts. If you haven't consulted your pdoc do so ASAP and if necessary go to the ER. Don't wait to long please.
  23. I don't know much about emogies but half smile, half frown
  24. Depending what moment it is; from oblique yellow to light gray.
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