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Everything posted by vega57

  1. Thank you. This makes 12 since September 2016. The whole family is on edge I'm thinking about so many things, how have we ended up here, about the sadness I see in my wife, not to mention our 2 families. I'm also having extremely bad thoughts but that for another place and maybe another time.
  2. Thank you. This makes 12 since September 2016. The whole family is on edge
  3. Thank you. As u can see not sleeping much but it is a beautiful early morning, it helps.
  4. Why do my loved ones keep dying; my brother in law died at 9.30 this morning. He's dad died 5 months ago. That's what is on my mind.
  5. Nature at its best. Stars are out, it's plain beautiful.
  6. We all belong here, if not here than Where? Remember that feeling this way is part and parcel of this illness. Don'tgive up.
  7. I often wonder why regardless of how many times I ask God to at least aliviate if not take my depression away I continue to be depressed. I beg, cry and even demand to no avail. With all that's happened and with my wife's deteriorating health amoung other things I'm just plain worn out. I seriously wish I could wake up to a new life.
  8. I had similar experiences while on it a few years back, I called provider and was told to go for walks, stay away from caffeine and give it 2 weeks. I finally gave up on it, could never get used to the side effects. I tried a second time and it was the same thing. Never again.
  9. What I would tell you is that sometimes you have to let go of the safety and security of something safe and go for broke unless there's a way to do it from your present situation. The worst thing that could have happened to me was now at 60 is looking back and saying what if so I personally at least tried everything that was in my power to attempt or actually do. But ultimately it's up to you. I sincerely hope the best for you in whatever you decide. Good writing.
  10. as some of you know my and my wife's family have lost many family members in the last two years, we buried her father this past Thursday. now my wife's health is quickly declining due to a bad heart and other ailments exacerbated by her depressive state and a nasty fall she suffered on Christmas day. I sleep even less now because I try to be awake in case she needs something or is in distress. so I'm asking for your kind thoughts and prayers for her. I know very well that all life comes to an end but I'm just not ready now or ever will be to have her depart. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
  11. October 8th is just a few days away, this is the first anniversary of the death of my brother and his colleague, officer Lesley Zerenby in palm Springs CA. My anxiety is getting worse by the day, I can't sleep or eat, I can't rest or think, I feel overwhelmed. Because my birthday is tomorrow some of my children and wife are spending the night so we can celebrate tomorrow but honestly I would have preferred that they would not have come, I just can't deal with it right now. I want to be alone in my misery.
  12. 17? Totally unfair and unfortunate. Are you going to appeal? Really sorry this happened to you. 17, buttheads
  13. People who recognize me, sadly because of my brother's death and want to talk. I know that most are being nice but I don't like talking about it. In the rare instance that I go to palm Springs and go to a restaurant people insist on picking up the tab and though I'm very grateful I just want to eat and be left alone. That's what bugs me immensely.
  14. The sign is ok, just wish it hadn't decided to jump in front of my car. Lol. Honestly I don't remember hitting it, the airbagdeployed and I have a bruise on front of my face, and slight burn on my nose but other than that I'm ok. When the cop asked me what happened I was honest and told him that I didn't know which is a bit scary. I have an appointment with my local doctor and on the 12th with a specialist; they want to make sure I'm ok to drive but unless I absolutely have to, no more driving for me. I'm fortunate that I didn't injure or **** someone; I was going rather slow, certainly less than 25 because there's a fairly long semi curve right before the sign. I just hope my insurance pays for all the damage I caused; this particular car I would have paid it off next month. I do have 2 other cars and an old motorcycle I have even turned on in about 4 years but I don't like driving and I might not be safe to do so. I'm also a cyclist though I haven't done so since last year in the tour de palm Springs but it much safer to cycle, I hope. Thank you guys, girls included, (humor) for your concern.
  15. I might just get a tattoo of her with "cat" for her name. Lol. Txs
  16. Honestly if it weren't for this fur ball I think I'd be worse off. I try keeping her out of the bedroom when I go to sleep but she'll, I guess cry till I let her in but she never scratches the door, just keep meowing till she tires me out and I let her in. She runs in, runs around, lays down by my feet, when I wake up she's laying on my pillow, right above my head. I think SHE thinks she's a dog because she follows me all around the house and patio but she never goes downstairs. I've had birds land almost next to us and she won't even look their way. I might have to take her to my pdoc, there has to be something wrong with her. Lol. She came to me right when I needed her most. I haven't given her a name just in case she decides to leave me. I hope not, then I'll be totally alone. No one to fret about or take care of, so I just call her cat.
  17. This morning I was driving and ran into a street sign, ah the sign probably jumped in front of my car. Anyway besides my damagedcar I'm ok. My point is, if you aren't feeling well you shouldn't be driving. Might be time to turn in my license.
  18. I have a cat, don't know where she came from, I opened my door one day and there she was. I don't know her name so I just call her cat. She follows my everywhere in the house, she'll out to the patio but never goes downstairs. She's good company for meand keeps me occupied.
  19. My cat that just showed up at my door. She keeps me company. How sad. Lol
  20. Gee, older? Now I feel ancient. What you are going through is very common in people with mental illness, especially ptsd. I do the same, don't want to but I hate leaving my prison. You don't mention or I missed the weather you are on meds or not; I mention this only because if you aren't you should talk to your pdoc about this serious issue. You're very young and have an excellent chance of improving your situation. Though I haven't rode lately I enjoy cycling, it helps to get me out of the house and is very helpful with my MI. Please do what you can to help yourself enjoy life, don't allow yourself to live like this.
  21. :) this is the only emoji I know. Lol. Be good out there.
  22. Thank you and please remember that a jerk will most likely always be a jerk
  23. I'm happy for you, really am. When you can learn to appreciate your own company you'll be way ahead. And remember we men, well guys for you can be very immature and needy. When a handsome young stud comes knocking on your door make sure he complements you personally and in life. And if he doesn't open the door to the car or building, give him one chance; don't walk in till he does, and if he doesn't you walk away. I always did that for my wife; if he won't put you before himself it means he's to selfish. And when you find the right one for you and are ready to progress further observe how he treats his mother especially because that is how he'll treat you. And don't let him overwhelm you. Good luck to you.
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