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Everything posted by monicott17

  1. One thing I excel at is self-loathing. My self esteem has always been low and these days it is non-exsistent.
  2. I have been feeling increasingly uneasy and tense recently combined with missing my weekly therapy session was the cause I believe of a anxiety spike and minor panic attack yesterday. Nothing major happened that would have done it…my nieces and nephew were kinda loud and excited but that didn’t cause it. The weather was fine and I was at home so it had to be the growing amount of tension just came to a head.
  3. I’d love to spend the holidays on a quiet beach with no trace of decorations or music and nothing but sand and ocean waves crashing in the background. I realize I am the oddball on this (pretty much the case on most things as I have long been the “black sheep” of the crowd) but I live in winter misery and am tired of cold, snowy, unpleasant weather this time of year. Also, lights and decorations do nothing for me.
  4. Best wishes to all! This board has been a lifeline for me as I do not have really anyone to talk with about things outside of my once a week therapy session. Uneasy and concerned about where things are headed, especially in my locale. Calm and rational thinking seem to be a thing of the past and decisions are made in a panic instead of being well thought out.
  5. The smallest of things continue to set me off. I should know better though to even get my hopes up in the slightest.
  6. You aren’t alone. I live in a place that has some of the worst and longest winters anywhere. This year, so far hasn’t been that bad but I am still having a bout with seasonal affective depression. Despite the minimal snow, it is still cold, windy and gray plus being dark before 5:00 PM is really depressing.
  7. Oh wow…I can so relate! Continue to feel demoralized and hopeless about everything.
  8. Yep! Their first and foremost priority…line their pockets and everything else, including doing to job they were elected to do takes a back seat. As I have said, the people in charge in my locale are beyond horrible. Even other nearby places are doing things the right way while they continues to make things more difficult because they crave power and total control of everything and everyone. Scary to say the least. Also, makes me even more anxious and depressed because I want to get of this place so bad (for lots of other reasons also) but there is no way it can happen…and I cannot handle that.
  9. Amen to this. One of the things I am most concerned about right now is where things might be headed…especially where I live. The people in charge here are the worst of the worst.
  10. Getting closer and closer to my breaking point. I can’t take much more of this. And knowing that I am basically powerless to change anything and that I am totally alone (outside of my once weekly therapy appointment) is a tough pill to swallow.
  11. I had a crummy week but doing a bit better since talking with my therapist. I had to get some stuff off my chest and he just listens without judging and that really helps. I wish I had someone in my life that I could talk freely with like that.
  12. Several inches of snow fell today which made my already less than stellar mood…even worse.
  13. Very high winds. Been having lots of windy days of late. It is cool, not cold though.
  14. I have bad Seasonal Affective Depression. I was never a big fan of the holidays and everything assoicated with it growing up but now…ugh. It is awful for me and combined with very little daylight/sunlight and the miserable weather we have here..it is even worse. At a past job for several, I was guilt tripped/kind of forced by my psycho boss into doing all kinds if holiday related things both during work and off hours and that has also soured me even more on the holidays. I wonder if I lived someplace warmer and nicer, if I could handle it somewhat better? I have to think so since my current locale is so awful.
  15. I am grateful that I am not alone…there are other people out there who think and feel the same way I do.
  16. I am most defintely the black sheep. Not a great feeling but I am dealing with it a bit better these days thanks to my therapist.
  17. Thanks..apologies for being vague as I have no issue discussing it but it is uh, a controversial topic to say the least and some other forums I post on do not allow that topic any longer because things get heated. Let’s just say that if I don’t do this, in my locale…I will not be allowed to be in bars, restaurants, gyms and other venues. Also, this could end up costing me my job. Although, I am not as upset about that as my job is awful and this could be my way out.
  18. There is something I really do not want to do. At all…for a number of reasons. No one (other than my therapist) seems to respect my decision or want to have a discussion with me about it. Unfortunately, things are escalating and it looks like I may not have a choice in the matter here really soon, especially where I live. I am not dealing with this well at all and it is legit making me feel sick.
  19. Need a new winter coat. Want a really long maxi length one and they seem to be hard to find.
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