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Everything posted by monicott17

  1. Had another one of those days with everything and everyone getting on my nerves causing poor motivation and spike in anxiety. Bitter freaking cold yet again and of course, snow covered yet again. At least it is my therapy day though.
  2. Was listening to the radio today and the host was talking about his favorite pastime and hobbies which he enjoys to get away from the news and social media. And people were calling in with their own as well. Not sure which I felt more…sad or envious. I just don’t have the patience, skill or desire for it but I wish I did as I am consumed with bad/sad/negative thoughts and have almost no joy or pleasure in life any longer. Even eating out, something I used to enjoy doesn’t do it for me any longer.
  3. I am not much of a tv or movie fan and I have no hobbies or social life so distracting myself from my screwed up head is really tough. I do get some relief from just merely opening a window (especially while I am working) and letting fresh air in or going outside for a brief time. Also, it probably isn’t healthy or good but I daydream. A lot.
  4. Thanks. I am only doing therapy at this point and no meds at this time. My therapist has left the decision up to me and both he and the practice do not push them in any way. But these last few weeks, we have discussed the possibility of them more and he explained to me how they handle it. I have always been on the fence about meds…past attempts did not work for me. But I am at the point (and this has been another tough week) where I can’t take much more and have to at least give them a try. I wish I had someone in real life to give a little support and discuss this with but I really don’t have anyone who understands so I will have to decide this on my own.
  5. Still cold…very cold. But at least it is sunny. I believe it is going to warm up some after today so hopefully it will be enough to melt the snow.
  6. In a really bad place right now and I have no idea how to get out of it. I have been struggling for awhile with my job but now have actually fallen behind and this week I am on a deadline…yet I still don’t care and can’t find any motivation. Today off to a slow start already and only going to go downhill from here I am afraid.
  7. For me, I mostly envy people who can do “normal” things without a second thought. Work, driving, chores, hygiene, even something as simple as ordering off of a menu. I struggle with it all and sometimes can’t even do it. My big envy though is those with friends, especially those who have had a lifelong best friend or close friend they can turn to at any time without being judged or ridiculed.
  8. I hear you. So fed up with it all. At one point, I actually cared about my job. Those days are long gone and the apathy is here to stay.
  9. I got mocked again for having a different point of view on something. I should be used to it now because I have long been the “black sheep” of the family but it still hurts.
  10. Had a few days in the 50’s and most of the snow finally melted. But it got cold. Again. And everything is snow covered. Again. Cold and windy and supposed to have snow squalls/almost whiteout conditions today.
  11. I generally feel miserable on Sundays to begin with but today….. My head is such a mess and I am uneasy about the work week ahead. Kind of behind due to my lack of motivation and have no idea how to get it together.
  12. Going out today. Sometimes it goes well…other times not so much. But, in any event, I feel at least a bit better whenever I get to leave the house.
  13. Deep in misery and hopelessness right now. Things…on a number of fronts…just feel so bleak right now.
  14. Thanks. Somehow managed to power through. Coffee plus working from home was probably the reason. Not sure I could have done it if I was still working in the office and had to commute…especially because bad weather (possibly ice)was in the forecast. I have not tried music and meditation but both have been recommended to me by my therapist. My sleep aid…and has been that for years and years is a loud fan…several in fact. All year round, even in the coldest part of winter. I even take them with me on vacation..can’t be without them.
  15. Two days of temps in the 40’s-50’s and it did melt some of the snow, still a ton left though. But just merely a tease as we are right back to the and there is already another. freaking. snowstorm. coming with the scary sounding advisory already in place. Anywhere from 4-8 inches with this one and my part of the area is supposed to get the worst of it of course. This is why I wasn’t excited about the warmer temps and snowmelt…knew it was coming right back. And those giant piles everywhere haven’t melted and will only get larger now . Also, spring break is next week for the schools around here so all the talk is everyone getting ready to head someplace warm and sunny.
  16. Not I. Misery abounds on this day. But I do have my weekly therapy session. Nothing against my therapist but not feeling it as much these days and since I am feeling awful both physically and mentally..not sure I want to bother but I should really force myself to. I will see how the day goes and if the caffeine does enough.
  17. Have fallen into this pattern of waking up in the middle of the night and struggling to go back to sleep. Usually, I do eventually go back to sleep or it is late enough that I just get up anyway. Not today…been up a few hours already and I can’t function as is so having only a few hours of sleep plus incoming bad weather plus a likely ear infection that will force me to see a doctor means my less than stellar work motivation is going to be worse. And today’s workflow includes some of my most monotonous and time consuming tasks. I would use PTO as I have plenty but as bad as work is just sitting here alone with nothing to do or focus on will just make me feel even worse. At least work is a semi- distraction…just need a lot…a lot!!! of coffee.
  18. Ugh !!! Two of my least favorite days of the year are back to back…Super Bowl Sunday and Valentine’s Day. Do not have any reason to care about either and I find the overhyping of both to be pretty nauseating.
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