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Posts posted by monicott17

  1. Been thinking a lot about why I might have been excluded from an upcoming family thing. Think I might have figured out a possible reason. It could be due to my uh, very different outlook on a certain topic and that some of the people who will be there probably don’t like or respect me for it even though they pretend to. In any event, I am still unhappy about this and I can’t really speak up about it (for a number of reasons) nor will anyone speak on my behalf. Guess I should be used to that by now but it still kind of stings.


  2. 7 hours ago, anon22ae said:

    Wishing I could be out of the rat race so that Monday would be just a day, as opposed to something to dread every week.

    I hear you! Sunday nights are some of the worst anxiety times I have. And I know for most, Sundays are supposed to be a fun, relaxing day but it isn’t for me because the dread and anxiety begins to creep in and ruins it.

    Today is already off to a not so great start and yes, the coffee tasting awful is a reason why. It is the little things that irk me so much.

  3. This is probably the worst time for something else to come along and add to my super high anxiety and stress levels right now. Thinking that this is gonna overtake some other things and be one of my top issues. I am bothered by this on a number of levels and there really isn’t much I can do or say at least right now.

  4. Well maybe someday I can get through the day without some kind of problem or distraction that completely ruins my mood and concentration. Today’s was particularly bothersome and is something I know I will dwell on for awhile because nothing is going to be said about it and because it involves people I see on a regular basis and who I at least felt comfortable around and mostly enjoyed their company. Guess the feeling was not mutual. 😢 

  5. 10 hours ago, duck said:

    Can you apply for Short Term Disability/Long Term Disability?  Having said that being on disability have it’s own set of problems.   You have to beg doctors and therapists to fill forms on a regular basis and the insurance company which pays you will harass you for the first five years.   

    Not sure I would qualify for a number of reasons. The thought of quitting my job has been creeping into my mind more and more of late. I could do it without having another job lined up and be okay for a bit. That is a big decision though and I struggle with even the smallest of decisions plus I don’t really have any support or anyone to confide in. My job is terrible and my motivation is virtually non-exsistent so something has got to give here.

  6. 12 hours ago, duck said:

    Last Monday I went to meet a friend Don for coffee.  I parked and was walking away when two bylaw officers showed up in a vehicle.  They turned on their red and blue lights on top of their vehicle.  They began looking inside my car so I asked them if there was an issue.  They told me I was parked illegally and I have to move my car or I will get a one hundred dollar ticket.  I explained to them the parking signs clearly states it is legal to park there. They told me I was wrong and I have to move.  I moved my car and found another parking spot.  These officers were dumb and clueless. I know I was correct.   I wondered how many people got parking tickets when they were legally parked there.  

    My whole life I have had to deal with bullies!  I experienced similar issues before.  I am sick of this.  Therapy is a waste of my time and money.  It does not help in anyway.  I am not sure what to do.  My next appointment with my therapist is next Monday but nothing will change.  It will be a waste of another two hundred dollars.  

    I honestly do not know if therapy will end up working for me in the long run but for right now, it is one of the few things keeping me going. My current therapist is good and is really the only person I can talk openly with…without being mocked or judged. He’s given me the time and space I need to decide about meds and isn’t pushy in any way. I think my current miserable work and living situation is why I keep at it but I am not sure if things were even slightly better on those fronts if therapy would be worth it. There are many things that I am a “lost cause” on and  cannot be fixed by therapy or anything really. One, in particular has haunted me nearly all my life but I can’t/won’t talk about it for a number of reasons.

  7. On 3/15/2022 at 5:48 PM, Extremebeginner said:

    Non productive and unmotivated….. that spills over into your personal life, out of work I mean…… if it is work, then it shouldn’t bother you unless your the CEO, but its a good sign it does bother you. That shows that you do care about your performance. If your boss is smart then he/she would try and make some adjustments for you to be able to feel more productive….. worth speaking up, the worst case is unlikely to happen, but something may change for the better.

    is that possible?

    I believe much of my problem stems from working from home. I realize I am the opposite of most (this is the case on many occassions) as I actually want to return at least part time to the office.  Maybe 2 days in, 3 days at home or 3 days in, 2 days at home…something like that.

    My company is terrible at communication and organization and to make it worse, my department is low on the priority scale. They had no plan when we were forced into working from home…they were literally buying laptops off of Amazon the day before and they have no plan for us to return. My boss has basically said this in so many words. 

    I am forced to work in my bedroom as there is not anywhere else in tge house that would accommodate my setup. It is depressing for many reasons. If I had a better situation or if my company handled things differently and treated us better…I might have a better outlook. 

  8. Everything totally snow covered again and going to have more on and off throughout the day. At least this time it appears that it will be short lived as temps will be going up steadily during the week with some 50’s and 60’s thrown in so it should melt rather quickly. Still makes me miserable though and I suspect this isn’t the last storm for the season. It snows well into April here sometimes.

    Once again, I find myself extra sad on a Sunday. Usually go out to the store and to eat and will probably still do that but even that doesn’t do much for me anymore. Maybe it is the weather or maybe just I am a miserable, hopeless person. 

  9. On 3/11/2022 at 5:58 PM, sober4life said:

    The real reason for higher prices on everything is the companies don't have to pretend to care about us anymore.  In the beginning they said we're all in this together.  They probably went back and destroyed all those commercials.  They never want anyone to see them again that's for sure!

    100%. I just read an article how companies may not be charging more for certain products but finding clever ways to change the packaging and contents so you get less for your money.  I am not huge on boycotts but there are some companies that are just so egregious in the behavior that I cannot in good conscience do business with them. One in particular that has been in the news a lot lately I have avoided for years.

  10. Had a good session with my therapist yesterday and got the wheels in motion on the medication discussion. I can see someone from the same location as him as they are a large practice and he is going to recommend someone and I will then make the appointment for the evaluation as soon as I can. I do my therapy sessions via their app and I can do this via the app as well. Makes me feel a bit better about things as doing it in person would probably make me more anxious.

  11. 22 hours ago, duck said:

    No snow?   Our snow will be here for two more months 😀

    Same here 😭. The accumulation from like the last 3 storms finally melted on the grass and roads but there are still ginormous ugly, gross looking snow piles in parking lots everywhere that will likely be around for awhile. And they are about to grow because it is snowing right now and will continue thru the night into tomorrow which means everything that finally melted will be covered in snow again..ugh😖

  12. For a long time, I convinced myself I was not bad enough for meds because I will still functioning on a somewhat normal level and still enjoyed at some things. Now? I am barely…barely! functional. Nothing brings me joy or pleasure. My work is sloppy with careless mistakes and now I have fallen pretty far behind with zero motivation to get caught up. My sleep and health are now feeling the effects as well. And I am overwhelmed by bad thoughts, negativity and sadness. 

    Despite that, I am still somewhat apprehensive about meds but I can’t take much more feeling like this. Planning to speak with my therapist about it. So far, we have only talked about it briefly but it is time for the discussion.

  13. Been thinking a lot these past few days about what I am missing out on…not talking about fun stuff here. I have bad teeth, have always had bad teeth. I badly need to see a dentist and probably have an extensive amount of work done. Could not tell you the last time I have been inside a dentist office…probably 10 years at least. Anxious at the thought of going to one and anxious at the thought that I cannot just suck it up and go like most people. There are many things where this is the case and it is really getting to me.

  14. 9 hours ago, iWantRope said:

    Today is Monday.

    And Monday feels like F***ING Monday 

    Ugh….I hear you!!!  Before I was even on the clock, ran into a major work issue and cannot do anything until it is solved. As if I wasn’t already unmotivated and frustrated enough. Also, anxious because I have to talk on the phone with IT and they aren’t usually very friendly.

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